Today I am going to buy a lock for my door.
Last night I had a lovely time talking with my biatches (and boys you are my biatches too) on Plurk and finally fell into bed around midnight.
All was quiet in the house, some Star Trek thing was on the TV. Star Trek gets MPS all happy in his pants and Jean Luc has a seriously horny voice.
So we got our freak on. As consenting adults tend to do.
MPS was bone crushingly tired after 2 days in the city fixing something to do with computers or whatevz, that shit puts me to sleep, and I am still stuffed up with the flu, so no Karma Sutra action. Just plain ol’ vanilla.
Cause vanilla is good shit. Don’t always need the sprinkles and sparkles and chains and duct tape other stuff.
Things are going along um, well? awesomely?… we are approaching the final scene. The orchestra is reaching a crescendo. Angels are freaking singing.
And then the smiter smites me. One last epic smiting.
Moo walks in the room.
At 1am.
In the fucking morning.
Those new to my madness will need to understand the gravity of this situation. Moo is not a toddler. Moo is SIXTEEN YEARS OLD and like all other teens, totally grossed out by the thought of anyone over 30 doing the nasty.
Let me draw you a diagram…
This is my bedroom. You can imagine the angle of our bodies which my poor daughters eyes would have rested.
Yeah. I don’t care if it is Brad doing Angelina. It ain’t a pretty angle.
She is all ‘Oh, um, OK’ and backs out of the room shutting the door.
I am all quiet, feeling my soul shrivel up and die a little.
MPS is quietly pissing himself laughing.
So I punch him. Like a LOT. And curse him for kicking off the blankets and exposing our bare bits to our babies eyes.
Moo is still at the door. ‘Um, Dad? Can you come here for a second?’
Turns out one of the smoke alarms batteries have run out and it is making a beeping sound. Even though it was changed a few months ago.
Smiting?
You bet your walked-in-on-while-humping arse it is.
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62 Responses to “Today I am going to buy a lock for my door.”
June 29th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
I cannot even believe it. Once my mum walked in on me and the husbo doing it like the puppies do…when I was 16.
June 29th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
LMFAO! Oh my hell that had to have been awful!
June 29th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
i got caught in a car by the state police once…
June 29th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Oh hon, I guarandamntee she’ll knock forevermore after this!
And I have nightmares of my 7 year old walking in on us…the therapy bills would kill us.
June 29th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
I betcha Moo won’t be looking you in the eye’s for the next couple of days…or weeks.
Classic!!
June 29th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Epic smiting indeed.
I am cringing on the inside on your behalf.
Go get those locks.
June 29th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
I am living this currently…. haven’t been ’sprung’ yet, but I fear the days are numbered.
June 29th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Get good locks. And first, lock the kid in her room, and then lock yourselves in yours.
June 29th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Oh. I don’t even know what to say. I’m sorry - for all 3 of you!!!
June 29th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Oh goodness.
Lock ASAP!
June 29th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Oh Kelley
PMSL, sorry but I can’t help not too. This has happened to M and I a couple of times too.
June 29th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
BWAHAHAHA!!!
I STILL have nightmares of seeing my father naked…let alone THAT!!!
Poor Kid & trust a bloke to laugh!
Think I would have backed away slowly & put up with the smoke alarm myself…
June 29th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
oh kell i needed that laugh.. and yes it happens to us all the time. no privacy around here and we only have one kid..
June 29th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
That is too funny. As is the fact you can blog about it. I wish I’d seen the look on Moo’s face. Did you ever get to finish what you’d begun?
June 29th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
I laugh because I KNOW!
In this house, it’s like the kids have some sort of radar that can detect the initial thought of my husband.
We can be lying in bed on a weekend morning and not doing anything and no kid will walk into our room but as soon as we start “doona dancing”, you can be guaranteed one of them will feel the need to come in and tell us something.
That is why we have a lock on our door now. Too many interruptions!
June 29th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Ooooops. That is pretty funny. Yep, a new lock is a definite yes.
June 29th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
We have a toddler and no doors. God help me, I will have doors (and locks) very very soon.
And just think, as embarassed as you are, can you imagine how red she went?
June 29th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
:: falls over laughing ::
One of the best bits of advice my mother-in-law ever gave me was - Soon as there are kids in the house buy a lock for your bedroom door.
And we did
June 29th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
totally got busted at 16 by her mom, too.
June 29th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Got busted by my roommate and my ex’s roommate in college and then by the then boyfriend/now husband’s father!
I feel you pain.
I caught my parents once.
I feel Moo’s pain.
June 29th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Cool!!!! I say you’ve found the perfect angle (no pun intended) for getting some help around the house……could always slip in a comment about using other beds in the house coz you’re both bored of yours…..
June 29th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Raahh!!
I still have nightmares about HEARING my parents do it, let alone seeing it.
She’ll knock from now on
And you’ll have a lock to hide from them when you need some piece, or action.
June 29th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
At least Moo handled it quietly…no shrieking from the room. That is my absolute worst nightmare, one of the kids walking in.
June 29th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
You forgot to vaseline the doorknob didn’t you?
The sight can be erased from Moo’s memory by cleaning her room daily and buying you copious amounts of chocolate. (and taking over the dishwashing duties.)
June 29th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Oh boy…
I think that perhaps after that one #’s 1 through 10 aren’t enough, I’ll throw in 11-13 on me. Drink up dearie.
June 29th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
My best friend’s then 5 yr old daughter walked in on her parents doin’ the nasty and proceeded to inform everyone at Show and Tell the next day (yes, at SCHOOL) how “Daddy was on top of Mummy and she was making funny noises but I don’t think he was hurting her or stuff like that” LMFAO
June 29th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
So you’re saying your plain vanilla drowns out a smoke alarm?
June 29th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
On the bright side, if she hasn’t lost her virginity yet, you bet your ass, she’ll wait for even longer now after seeing something like that.
One of my sorority sisters walked in on me and a boyfriend once and the next day all she could say when she looked at me was “I just saw balls…balls everywhere”.
June 29th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
I never walked in on my parents. finding a used condom in the bathroom one morning was horrifying enough.
June 29th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
Ahahahaha! Poor Moo. That never happened to me, but living in a hall of residence on a uni campus, there’s always some, uh, noises happening.
June 29th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Ahhh, its a passion killer aint it?
Lock for door? Tick.
Appointment for therapist? Tick.
Sigh. I know your pain. Big time. my 19 and 22 y.os walk past our door all the time to get to their room, and our, umm, choir sings kinda loud…. You have to stay up really late to get any privacy…..then you can’t get interested.
June 29th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
I feel Moo’s pain. I am her age, I would die if I walked in on my mum and her boyfriend. And not wanting to hear them do it, is why I sleep with the radio on when he stays over. Hyper, annoying DJ, or parental sex. The former every time.
(In the future, I’m sure I will feel your pain.)
At least next week has to be great in comparison right?
June 29th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Clearly, the only way to even the playing field is to follow her around and then walk in on her having sex.
June 29th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
I believed my parents only ever had sex twice (hence me and my brother) yet when my mother was preparing for my father’s funeral when I was 17 and talking with the priest she cried when she said that he had ‘gotten amourous’ the weekend before. I was so grossed out but glad I had not walked in on it!
Look at it from Moo’s point though… it was Vanilla sex and if parents have sex they only have vanilla sex anyway… Before you put that lock on I’d be Karma Sutra-ing with the door unlatched and putting flat batteries in the smoke detectors so she can be even more embarrassed!
Also- hope the cold is getting better!
June 29th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
oh fuck! I might just keep the stairgate on zack’s door for a few more years…
June 29th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
LMFAO… parent nookie.
June 30th, 2008 at 12:07 am
*points finger* *laughs hysterically*
I walked in on my dad and kis wife, at maybe 17 I think? I caught more or less the same angle, but dear dad’s bed had a mirrored headboard and, I kid you not, 12 mirrors above it in the canopy. So, yeah, I got the money shot, for sure.
I am still not exactly right.
June 30th, 2008 at 12:56 am
Featured on Good Mom/Bad mom on the Chronicle: http://tinyurl.com/6lwlue
June 30th, 2008 at 1:19 am
I’m embarrassed for you from 15000 miles away.
June 30th, 2008 at 1:50 am
Note to self: eggs, bread, milk, freaking huge lock and alarm system for bedroom door.
June 30th, 2008 at 3:00 am
It cracks me up that she still wanted some help with the fire alarm after that. You would have found me locked in my room, with 47 pillows over my head, wanting to poke my eyes out.
Yeah, you might have to put a lock on that door.
Congrats on Good Mom/Bad Mom!
June 30th, 2008 at 5:48 am
ROTFL!
June 30th, 2008 at 6:04 am
Look at it this way: it’s better than YOU walking in on the 16-year-old.
June 30th, 2008 at 8:00 am
Just to make this even more embarrassing, you getting caught in the act was a topic for a good half hour of the bloggers meet yesterday, so likely everyone sitting around us in Max Brenner knows all about Moo catching you doing the dirty as well
June 30th, 2008 at 8:09 am
You were just fulfilling your parental responsibility. After all, don’t they say that,”Sex Education begins at home.”
June 30th, 2008 at 10:34 am
we have been known to lock the door.
but since my son’s (18) room shares a wall with ours (and we can hear his tv AND listen in when he’s on the phone), we’re guessing he has gotten an earful on many occasions.
my guess is that he can’t wait to go back to college at this point.
June 30th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
We inherited a lock and chain on our door when we bought our house. When the kids were little they used to ask what it was for. Now they don’t want to know.
I think if our daughter walked in mid-deed she’d scream, faint and probably attempt to avoid all contact with us for a couple of weeks.
Of course, I always claim to our (2) kids that we’ve only done it twice. I somehow don’t think they believe me, but they choose to live in a state of denial that mum and dad don’t do anything like that anymore.
June 30th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
OMG - LOL our 15yr would be disgusted. When he was ten and we told him we were pregnant he said ” you mean you do it” and he didn’t want us to tell anyone he was so embarrassed!.
Yes Moo will knock from now on… I juts wonder why she didn’t hear the ‘NOISES’ or are you like SILENT ‘ just can’t imagine it !!
I agree too - better she catch you than you her !!!
Sorry you have had a rough week with everything else.
June 30th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
So did you … um … finish?
’cause that pretty much would’ve killed it for me.
June 30th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
O-M-G!
Yup, my soul just shriveled up and died a little for you
June 30th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Hey, it’s better than fighting in front of her. I think. Make love, not war, y’know?
June 30th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
OMG!
I have gone an unfashionable beetroot red for you here… get it? Beet ROOT????? Bwa hahahahahahahaha!!
How embarrassment.
June 30th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
OMG!!!!
What a passion killer.
June 30th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
HOLY Mother of God. I would die. I got caught in the car by the police once, too but whatever. They can suck it. Your daughter??….whole diff fucked up ballgame. *sigh*
June 30th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Glad to hear you’re getting some!
June 30th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Best laugh I’ve had in ages.
When I taught Year 2 I used to hear some very interesting “show and tell” stories.
And my son’s teacher read us out a journal entry by one of the other Year 2s about how he/she went out with Mummy and her friends from work and how one drank so much that she vomited. She didn’t show the mother the child’s journal in the Parent Teacher Interview
June 30th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Haha, omg!
Don’t worry - it was inevitable. Now it’s out of the way. Boo will survive - just like I, and everyone else who’s walked in on our parentals doing it, have!
June 30th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
June 30th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Oy! That’s pretty horrifying (but funny to all your readers:). We’re not laughing at you…we’re laughing w…to hell with it, we’re laughing at you (and very glad that it’s not us).
July 1st, 2008 at 12:27 am
OMG…if I don’t read your blog everyday I just don’t laugh…my two kids (now age 27 and 24 years)used to stand outside our door and LISTEN (yes, they actually admitted this to me)…the closest I ever got at my home as a younger person (I was 21) was to see my dad chase my mom naked giggling into the bathroom…that was a hoot!
Moo will live
and laugh about it too…
July 1st, 2008 at 10:49 am
This brought back a memory of something that happened to a friend of mine and her now husband/then boyfriend. Boyfriend was rather in awe of her father who was a Judge but it did not stop him creeping into her room when they went to stay with her parents. Needing to go to the loo in the middle of the night and not being able to find it in the dark he headed outside instead but the door locked behind him. He had to ring the doorbell to get back in. Guess who answered the door to witness him in all his nakedness. Yep it was the Judge.
July 1st, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Oh god, that is my WORST nightmare. I might not have sex for a few weeks now. I’ll tell my husband it is all your fault!
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