Sexy is a state of mind.
It is an attitude.
I had a conversation with some work mates today.
We were talking about New Years Resolutions.
ALL of the women wanted to lose weight. Big, small, round, petite. ALL of them had resolved to lose weight this year.
The guys wanted to do stupid shit. But they are guys, so we belittled them and then ignored them.
Anyway. One of my best girls at work (the same age as my mum) was telling us about WHY she had resolved to lose weight this year. She was walking down the street with a couple of very slim friends. All around her age. A teenage boy whistled at her friends and then looked at her and said ‘But not you’
I was gutted for her. How disgusting. How humiliating. Wish I had been there, there would have been some Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the spleen action goin’ on. In heels.
She went on and on about how disgusting, fat and horrible she was. The others were all saying the obligitory ‘No you are not!’ ‘Your so pretty’ all the usual shit we say to each other and not really mean it.
Cause women are bitches. They truly are.
I sat there in silence. They all looked at me. Silence is not normal for me. They were wondering what I was going to say to make her feel better.
‘Do you ever feel sexy?’ I asked her. With my serious face on. You know the one. The one you reserve for the kids when you really really want them to listen to you.
She laughed. The other girls laughed. The guys leaned in closer. They weren’t really listening, but heard the word ’sexy’ and were all of a sudden interested.
‘No I am serious. Do you ever feel sexy?’
‘Of course not. I am nearly 60!’
‘So? I feel sexier now than I did when I was 20.’
‘Yeah, but you are only in your 30’s’
‘Sexy is an attitude. Not an age’
WHY do women feel that to be sexy they have to be a tiny, young, blonde girl with big bazookas?
I feel sexy. Well not tonight sitting here sweating glowing in an old tshirt. But I felt sexy today. When I pulled on some killer heels with a pencil skirt in a gorgeous material that felt like it was kissing my legs.
I felt sexy then.
Fresh nailpolish and silky glossy lipgloss makes me feel sexy.
Lacy underwear makes me feel sexy.
I am a woman in her 30’s. Past it by most standards. I am overweight. I have a tummy that I despise. I get zits. I have wrinkles popping up and a requirement to dye my hair. Most nights I don’t get my beauty sleep. And. You. Can. Tell.
But I can pull on some clothes that make me feel good, put a slick of gloss on my lips, style my hair and I can feel like a million dollars.
I walk taller. I smile more. I get more attention. I get male attention (not that I am looking for that, but it is a nice little ego boost!) and compliments.
These things don’t happen when I am feeling frumpy or ugly.
Everyone is sexy. Everyone is attractive. It is an attitude. A state of mind.
A decision.
It is about confidence and feeling worthy of others attention. It’s about knowing what your good features are and ignoring or playing down the bad.
It’s about feeling comfortable in your own skin.
Don’t get me wrong. I am no Angelina or insert-sexy-actress-chicky-babe-here. I know that. I just know that when I feel sexy, confident, whathaveyou people treat me better. They are nicer. And in turn, I am nicer cause I feel good.
And of course MPS likes it when I feel sexy *snigger*
What do you do to boost your confidence? What makes you feel sexy?
Guys you can answer but it cannot involve blow up anything, movies or the internet…..
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33 Responses to “Sexy is a state of mind.”
January 4th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
It’s “funny”, I’m starting weight watchers because I’m not happy with how I look but I found a pair of pants in my closet the other day that I didn’t realize fit. They are a larger size than I’d like to wear but they’re black and they look halfway decent. I put them on this morning with a hot pink top and a black cardigan and my hot pink patent leather pumps and I felt really good! I put on my minimal amount of work makeup and my hair was done, and you know what I didn’t feel completely sexy because I was going to work with high schoolers but I felt good. I feel like I look good and nice today.
Some days I could wake up and put on some nice clothes that fit and look good but I still don’t feel sexy or like I look good. It’s all dependent on my mood and attitude for the day!!
I totally would have knocked the shit out of that little bastard, too!
January 4th, 2008 at 11:38 pm
Awesome post Kelley. You are absolutely spot on!
January 5th, 2008 at 12:13 am
The word is respect. You know, the kind she sang about. Some people don’t have any - not for themselves nor for others. That young man has a problem. He doesn’t really like himself very much. And because he doesn’t like and respect himself, he doesn’t like or respect anyone else. That’s a problem for him and unfortunately, it becomes a problem for other people when he interacts with them inappropriately.
I wish I could apologize to your friend for the insult suffered at the hands of a fellow male. I also wish I could introduce that particular fellow male to my three sons, who (collectively or individually) would be happy to introduce that unfortunate young man to ‘respect lessons’.
Of the many things I’ve been taught in my life that I have tried to pass along to my sons, two particular lessons come to mind - “treat everyone you meet with love, kindness and understanding - until and unless they prove they don’t deserve it” and “Don’t say anything if you can’t say something nice”.
That kid is an idiot. Tell her I said so.
Lou
January 5th, 2008 at 12:39 am
Here’s the thing: if Marilyn Manson can have any chick he wants–he’s dating Evan Rachel Wood now–what the fuck!? Sexy is most def an attitude.
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20007918,00.html
January 5th, 2008 at 4:12 am
My kick-ass and take names boots. They do it for me every time.
Mr. Hot would like if I wore them (and only them) every day.
January 5th, 2008 at 4:18 am
I’m one sexy mo-fo. Most days, anyway. Not today so much. But most days, I am one smoking hot babe.
Just ask Pookie.
January 5th, 2008 at 4:45 am
I will let you know when im 60, but at the moment i think yes it is about attitude!
January 5th, 2008 at 6:01 am
OMG This is sooo good I almost missed my kids’ pick up time. Will be back!
January 5th, 2008 at 6:06 am
I think I need to work on my sexiness, ’cause I sure don’t have it going on right now. Bleh. But you’re right, it’s an attitude and ANYONE can cultivate it.
January 5th, 2008 at 6:12 am
Testify, Kelley! Amen
January 5th, 2008 at 6:31 am
OK. I’m back. I am still sick about that boy saying “not you” to that poor lady. What a horrid, wretched child. And when I meet him in hell I’m kicking his ass.
January 5th, 2008 at 7:34 am
I felt sexy yesterday in a skirt! (I never wear skirts) and pretty shoes.
Also, my boots. Nat is like Hotfessionals Hubby, would love it if I wore them every day!
January 5th, 2008 at 8:22 am
Thankyou Kelley. I am going to think about this whenever I am feelng fat old & blah.
Kelli
January 5th, 2008 at 8:37 am
I am blundstone boots and purple leggings type 41 y/o Nanny. Woot!!!
hehehe I feel sexy when I am wearing the right combination of clothes that give me “The Look”
Strange combinations of green baggy shorts over purple leggings with a black satin shirt are my “power clothes” specially with odd socks and blundstone boots.. Yep I feel confident then…
cheers kim xxx
January 5th, 2008 at 9:10 am
Okay - after first tripping over the “I am a woman in her 30’s. Past it by most standards.” part of the post (I have been angsty about that attitude since I was in my early 20s, and that was seeminly only a little while ago), I so agree with you!
Its amazing what a little confidence can do for the soul - its doesn’t have to be defined as “sexy” or “hot” - its about walking tall out into the world with your head held high and mentally kneeing all the toe-rags who would try to bring a person down!
Shuffle out the door feeling you shouldn’t be seen is a target for nasty people.
January 5th, 2008 at 9:22 am
I would so like to meet that little snot with the mouth. He would wonder what happened when the size 10 Doc Marten squished his zit infested face. Mouthy little turd.
Why the hell do we do this shit to ourselves? I would never make the resolution to lose weight as I have the problem in reverse. I would kill for a decent set of boobies (had a hilarious email session with friends yesterday about hooters and black eyes) but I digress… sexy IS a state of mind. I feel uber sexy wearing my steel capped Docs and when I smudge my eyeliner just right. Powerful, kick ass and hot!
Killer post, Kelley!
January 5th, 2008 at 10:07 am
Spot on Kelley. Sexy is definitely a state of mind. However, I have to take you to task on saying that when you are 30 you are past it. At 30, we finally throw away all our teen angst hang ups and live. We are in the prime of our lives and still looking gorgeous.
January 5th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Stella: Feeling good changes your whole day. Feeling sexy is even better!
johblogs: Thanks babe. Wish more women understood.
Lou: Not a problem, I will tell her. She is a gorgeous woman, I just wish she could see it! Glad you are raising your boys to be real men.
Davido: he he he. See! It is all in the attitude, and money and fame can’t hurt
hotfessional: yep. They do it for me too…. you have seen my sexy boots. Man I love those boots. The black and the red.
Contrary: You sure are. I can feel your heat from here. Now turn it down will ya? My breasticles are glowing.
Casdok: There are some pretty hot 60 year olds out there. Just not Heff. Ewwy.
MadMad: Just livin’ up to your name. You cracked me up!
laughingatchaos: put on some sexy underwear and some lip gloss. Then come back and talk to me
Karen: Yeah sista!
MadMad: I think you need to get in line. That kid will have one sore arse.
Veronica: Nothing like a skirt and heels to make you feel hot! Yay for boots! I think every guy wants a woman to wander ’round in just knee/thigh length boots *snigger*
Kelli: So you are going to change that attitude, um, now?
Kim: Not sure if you are joking or not. I will take it as not. Yay to knowing what makes you feel sexy!
Jeanie: Yeah! That’s it! Cool.
Anja: Wish you had left your blog addy. I think I would so like you!
Riayn: I meant that society sees that. *I* feel sexier now I am older than I ever did in my twenties. Or even my late teens.
January 5th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
I feel really sad for your co-worker though. I don’t quite get why people have to be such jackasses.
I’m going to try to carry this with me though. This is a fabulous post.
January 5th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Dear Aunt Fanny Adams-when will men stop thinking women are on this planet to entertain them with their looks?
I don’t do sexy; Sexy and I met briefly in my late twenties and agreed to never darken each others’ doorsteps again.
I DO do extra-happy-happy-joy-joy in my vegie garden in blunnies,shorts and potting-mix-stained t-shirts tho…
January 5th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
(Still lmao at the previous comment “…Sexy and I met briefly in my late twenties…” - GO, girl! Yay for happy!happy!joy!joy!)
That out of the way, you’re spot on here, Kelley. Sexy is attitude and spice and “take me how I am” confidence (though a pencil skirt and a fine hair of F*** me heels goes a long way…). People of all ages can possess it.
My mum’s 60 this year, and she’s got it in spades. She’s happy, confident, in love (recently celebrated a 5 year “anniversary”).
If the power of thought counts for anything, that disrespectful little dweeb should be holding his sack very gingerly by now!
January 5th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Now imagining life from a larger lady’s perspective - do you have any reflections on your comments elsewhere on this blog, about large women wearing summer dresses?
JodieOdie
January 5th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Stimey: Thanks. Yeah it sucks what happened to her.
Jayne: Hmmm, but don’t you like to feel sexy just for you? You don’t have to be wearing skimpy clothes and heels to feel sexy… you can ‘do’ sexy in blunnies
mountainmama: ‘If the power of thought counts for anything, that disrespectful little dweeb should be holding his sack very gingerly by now!’ *gaffaw* THAT was brilliant!
Jodieodie: There is a world of difference between feeling sexy and confident and a far too tight spaghetti strapped sundress with sneakers on a LARGE woman.
January 5th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
I’m still working on Anja about getting that blog going Kelley!
I feel sexy when I have on my blue toenail polish, some bling, nice hair and clothes that I feel comfortable in. You are absolutely right. It’s not about how we look, it’s about feeling comfortable in our skins.
January 5th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Oh, I wish you’d been there to dole out those Chuck Norris roundhouses! What makes me feel sexy, though? Sometimes wearing the clothes I like and dabbing on a bit of lip gloss. Sometimes just being out in places I like to hang out, with the people I like to hang out with was enough to do it. Usually the thing that makes me feel sexiest, though, is having conversations that really stimulate me.
(That’s not me being PC. That’s deadset serious. I’ve got myself in a bit of trouble in my time being seduced by an interesting mind.)
Lately though? Um, nothing. As a single mum with a one year old I a) don’t quite fit my favourite clothes yet, b) don’t get out much, and c) have not yet given myself permission to be a sexual human being again.
Time enough for that later.
January 5th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
That is an awesome post, and so true. Thank you for re-focusing my attention away from my ever widening arse!
January 5th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Pre-kids, I used to wear my lovely heels when I was not feeling all that flash. Being 5′11″ in bare feet; 3″ heels made me feel GOOD.
But it wasn’t about feeling sexy… it was about feeling powerful and assertive and in control.
I have just lost a snot load of weight, and again - not about feeling sexy. It was funny, I wanted to look pretty when I dressed up; wasn’t aiming for sex-bomb at all. Just aiming to feel good about what I saw in the mirror. And feelin’ good makes me feel assertive and in control!
January 6th, 2008 at 2:51 am
what an obnoxious little shit
bet he was an ugly little sod an all!
what makes me feel sexy, honestly? when my hubby hits on me cause he wants some… he’s full of compliments anyway (which i love) but seeing him unable to stop himself being… pleased to see me… makes me feel great!
also? sexy underwear - always makes me feel sexy! it is so a state of mind though I’m sure of it
January 6th, 2008 at 7:44 am
Sexy is a state of mind?
Really?
My mind must be in a state because I have never felt sexy.
I really feel for your co worker though.
Men can be pigs.
January 6th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Thanks so much for that post Kelley. I will be coming back to this post when I feel like I’m nothing.
As a large (but shrinking) 26 yo, I have never felt sexy but I have noticed that now I am lighter than I was when ds was born, I am holding myself higher and feel way more confident.
Thanks again
January 6th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
Hmmm….very good point!
Gonna give you the stumbleupon thumbs up!
January 7th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
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January 8th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Amen sister! I couldn’t agree more. I think there a lots of people out there that either are sexy and not because of their looks but their style or could be sexy but just can’t find their vibe so I think it is incredibly true.
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