Compliment or backhanded bitch slap?
Today while I was slapping on the warpaint applying my mascara I was reminded of a compliment I received as a teen.
I was doing work experience at a salon - I had dreams of becoming a world famous makeup artist, flitting around the world part-ay-ing on down with the rich and famous and them loving me cause I could transform them into Goddesses and they couldn’t live without me, dah-ling, here is a couple of thousand dollars to buy yourself a little somethin’ somethin’ cause you are THAT freaking awesome - so I got to stock the shelves, sweep the floor and watch while the beautician ripped hair off old womens faces and, ahem, private parts.
*shudder*
So one day I was washing all the towels - I KNOW! Fucking slave drivers - when one of the hair artistes asked if I would be in their fashion show thingy cause someone dropped out. I was all W00T! cause not only was I going to be a world famous makeup artist but now a freaking model! SCORE!
I sat in the makeup chair, feeling pretty freaking chuffed while one of the girls started playing with my hair. Trying different up and down do’s and making me feel all special and shit.
‘You know Kelley..’ she mused ‘You have beautiful eyes. And a perfect nose. Your cheekbones are lovely and you have great lips..’
I could feel my teenaged head swelling. Imagining I was the next Cindy Crawford but without that freaky mole thing on her face.
MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY
The girl sighed.
‘But all together, it is just, just, WRONG’
My head deflated so fast I think it caved in a little.
So, my lovelies, anyone given you a backhanded bitch slap that has knocked you out of the field?
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41 Responses to “Compliment or backhanded bitch slap?”
October 15th, 2008 at 10:37 am
That girl TOTALLY had crabs.
October 15th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Musta been jealous………..
did you punch her in the pancreas?
October 15th, 2008 at 11:28 am
No one who lived to do it again.
Actually, I do remember my Kindergarten teacher specially selecting me to play the brush drum instead of being in the chorus for the Christmas pageantm and telling me it should be quiet as a whisper. Years later my mother told me it was because I was a horrible and loud singer. I think both of them could have kept their opinions to themselves.
October 15th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Frig yeah. My ‘mommy dearest’ was the A-Grade best on this kinda shit.
I was wearing my netball skirt. Stop laughing, I’m fucking tall. So anyway, I’m wearing my netball skirt and my mother says, “Anja, you have perfect legs… for a male athlete”
Yep, the last shreds of my teenage self-esteem flushed down the shitter.
October 15th, 2008 at 11:31 am
*sigh*
I get this one all the fucking time…
“You have such a gorgeous face, you should slim down a bit to match things up!”
Yeah, I’ll get right on that…along with the million or so other folks heading in for gastric bypass.
And again…*sigh*
Oh another one I got from my FORMER sister in law was a real gem:
“Oh my God, look at your lips! They’re perfect! Too bad about the horrid shade of lipstick!”
October 15th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Mine was my father, on his fucking death bed. yes, really. When he was dying he asked each of his 6 children to come in one at a time and sit by his bed so he could “say goodbye”. Well, he said all this nice lovey dovey shit, making me cry because he was saying it for like the first time in my life to me, and I was 39 years old, and then, he opened his eyes and said, “Oh, I thought you were Linda.” My fucking sister. so yeah, I know, I will never forget it for as long as I live and every time I think about it I get fucking mad all over again.
October 15th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
You should have slapped THAT bitch.
October 15th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
That person can kiss mah ass. I think you fit together perfectly well. XX
October 15th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
My father’s backhanded bitchslap was to tell me, as he walked me down the aisle to get married, “Well, I never thought we’d do it, but we’re finally getting rid of you!”. And, no, that wasn’t his idea of a joke.
I sobbed throughout my wedding ceremony. Even now, 13 years later, it still pisses me off.
October 15th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
I ran into a girl from high school a few years back. I didn’t associate with her back in school, but we were having fun doing shots at a hole in the wall bar at the moment, so I thought all was forgiven until she turned and said “You aren’t the bitch you used to be.”
Huh?
October 15th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
*snort*
How about the classic “I’ve heard so much about you” with that tone that you just know they haven’t heard anything good.
October 15th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
One of my relatives (who shall remain nameless) would always tell me I looked FAT (even when my 171cm tall body weighed 50 kg).
I came to realise that it wasn’t her, but her depression speaking.
October 15th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
I’m sorry, but my head is stuck in Karen’s story. I wonder how many people in the world are going to get it, to understand it, when I look them dead in the eye and say, “Oh, I thought you were Linda.”
October 15th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
I need someone to help me apply makeup. I get each one right, but all together, they just look wrong.
Seriously, though, that bitch had to just be jealous. And catty.
October 15th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
I don’t recall receiving anything like that, although I’m sure I have. When I was in highschool and overweight (not even fat mind you, but chunky) I did hear the occasional moo if I was walking alone down the hall by a classroom.
Although once I got me some big boobies (the fat migrated) suddenly the moos stopped and people were trying to make out with me at parties.
October 15th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
I got it from my dad. After a week staying in his flat, doing all the cleaning, washing and sorting of stuff while he was in hospital dying of cancer, I went to see him, like I had every day I’d been in that town, he told me I was fat and stupid. He was refusing morphine, so I assumed it was the pain talking and he didn’t realise who I was. Then I saw his eyes. He knew.
October 15th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Well, I was whining to my SIL that I’m nobody’s godmother but hubby is someone’s godfather. She tells me “If we were to have another kid, but we’re not, I would ask you to be the godparents.”
I was like, um, thanks?
And I got my hair highlighted when I was 25 years old for the very first time ever and a coworker told me that it made me look old and I didn’t NEED to look older. And I was 25. Hag.
October 15th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
Self image vs. body image- eternal combat. I thought it was ironic walking down Hindley ST Adelaide and people leering from cars “What an arse!” and then catching the bus outside the Festival Theatre to “woof, woof!”. I just assumed they were all drunk and couldn’t see shit!
October 15th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Always arseholes ready with a put-down, Kel. Fuck ‘em, I say, fuck ‘em
Cheers, Andrew
October 15th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
Wrong? Your face?? That gets me ALL riled up.
October 16th, 2008 at 12:51 am
Did you call her a dickhead? She had it coming. She was obviously just jealous.
October 16th, 2008 at 1:57 am
Wow. That totally sucks. I mean, really.
October 16th, 2008 at 2:03 am
ACK! And *giggle* Everyone’s stories are equally infuriating and sort of make me giggle, too.
I’m amazed that people would have the audacity to say such things. Grow up, I say! There’s never a good reason to try and knock someone down.
Well, maybe there is…
Once time, back about 13 years ago, I dressed up for Halloween as a soccer player who was a total douchebag at our high school. One Spring before this, he made another kid cry at lunch time. I consoled said kid by telling him I was going to dress up as this guy for Halloween. Now, THAT was called for… but being flat out mean for no reason? That’s just sad.
October 16th, 2008 at 2:44 am
Once when I was going on about needing to lose weight my favorite aunt said to me, “You’re lovely just the way you are. You don’t need to change a thing. Except maybe your thighs”.
October 16th, 2008 at 3:29 am
My, my..some pretty amazing stories here. I don’t recall getting anything backhanded like that…I just got them right up front…the best one was from my 9th grade history teacher who told me after 1 week in his class that “You are just average and there is nothing you can do about it. The best you can do in my class is a ‘C’ and that’s it.” I so wish I could shove my PhD up his ass!
October 16th, 2008 at 3:39 am
I think I love her.
October 16th, 2008 at 3:54 am
Oh, one I did have once off of a woman my mum knows, she said, (to my mum) “Your daughters pretty, she looks just like my cute little sister. Of course I hated her, and that makes me want to hit Kath, but she’s pretty!”
And, one off my auntie Julie at her school reunion to one of the guys she went to school with, “You’re really handsome, and for my first year I had a massive crush on you. Then I realised you were a total cunt and got over it.”
My family are into the backhanded bitch slaps. It’s their favourite type of insult.
October 16th, 2008 at 5:06 am
You should have poked her in the eye..
I remember when I was pregnant with my first.. a girl that I used to work with said.. “awh look at your belly” (to which I beamed a smile).. and then she followed it with..”wow you are really carrying your pregnancy in your butt huh”.. WTF?
October 16th, 2008 at 6:33 am
I hate backhanded compliments. Bitches I say. Oh, and you’d like my latest - just saying…since you think I’m so innocent.
October 16th, 2008 at 6:44 am
They’ve never done it twice.
October 16th, 2008 at 6:47 am
I’m in the ‘only compliments I got from my Dad were backhanded’ camp. It’s a fun camp, srsly.
I think you’re beautiful.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:38 am
Damn, Kel, of course people are going to be giving you backhanded compliments! Your fabulousness pisses some people off. Eeeejits.
Anja - Damn. Your mother never ceases to amaze me.
Karen, Christina - Ouch. *hugs*
Here’s mine… it’s funny, you’re allowed to laugh:
From a male friend of mine, whose dating disasters were legendary, “You know, I thought about dating you once… when I was really, REALLY desperate!”
(yes, he did put the two reallys in)
Luckily for him, I have such a well-fed ego that I merely fell on the floor laughing my guts out…
October 16th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
What the heck? How do people get so far through life without learning when to STOP talking?
October 16th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
That’s quite horrible.
October 16th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
Gees, I hope you rearranged her face so together it was all wrong.
I get the you could be so pretty if you weren’t so fat comment.
My father gets first prize though with the “you are lucky someone as nice as David would marry someone like you. He feels sorry for you” comment. First prize, I tell you.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
That reminds me of my dad taking my husband aside for a “chat” and instead of telling him to take good care of me, he tells him to make sure not to let me boss him around cos I’m a handful
Thanks dad *rolls eyes*
October 17th, 2008 at 1:58 am
How RUDE!
Did you say, “Really? Like your outfit?”
October 17th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
What a bloody cheek!!
October 20th, 2008 at 11:33 am
After I popped out my first-born, my sister-in-law said: So when are you going to lose all the baby weight?
While I was pregnant with said sprog, my sister said: So, are you going to ask the doctor why you’re putting so much weight on?
And my Mum always says: Have you put on weight/Your face looks puffy/Are you sick? You look awful.
And the classic: What have you done to your hair? (usually after expensive hair cut/colour and implying it’s bloody awful!)
October 21st, 2008 at 2:17 pm
This reminds me of the time in 8th grade Cindy McG asked me, “Do you have a sister in 7th grade? No? God, there’s this girl who looks JUST like you! She has brown hair and eyes, she’s real ugly…..” I moved thousands of miles away that summer. Twenty-two years have passed. I remember it as if it were yesterday. I wonder if she’s still such a bitch.
October 25th, 2008 at 8:00 am
It was my birthday, and I was meeting two of my sisters for dinner. One of my sisters said, “Didn’t you remember? It’s our sister’s birthday!”
My second sister said, “Omigod! I have a gift for you! Here! It’s a charge card from my company that I got as a sales premium. It’s worth $100. Just sign my name and give it back when you’re done. You can use up to $40.”
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