Dirty little secret.
Today I spent the day bleaching the grout of the tiles in the kitchen. Not a secret, but a dirty job. And a very adult thing to do, something that reflects my age.
Like the loads of washing and bathroom cleaning, grocery shopping, being nice to people that I really don’t care for, sorting bills. Adult stuff.
However, there were other things I did today that I shouldn’t admit to. But seeing it is just you and me, let me tell you my dirty little secrets.
You promise you won’t tell anyone? Cause it is sooooooo embarrassing.
*blush*
Firstly, there is a mattress in the hallway. It needs to find a home cause it is one of those excess mattresses that you have to deal with when someone gets a new bed. At the moment it is living in the hall. And every single time I walk past it it just happens to accidentally on purpose, fall on the floor and I just happen to bounce on it. And try and touch the roof. Or see how far I can jump from it. Or just run up and launch myself off it.
It is totally fun.
And the other, Oh Em Gee I can’t believe I am admitting to this, you totally promise not to tell anyone? Like, pinky swear and shit? OK… I am addicted to The Hills. I KNOW, right? So lame. And totally embarrassing.
I just wanna punch Spencer in the throat and slap Heidi silly. And Oh My Gosh! the shoes…
Shut up.
I just finished watching the second season. I watched the first just before the school holidays and then had to wait till the kids went back to watch the second. And it KILLED me.
Please tell me there is more.
OMG! I just checked Wikipedia and there is a Season 3 and 4! WANT!
Ahem.
So I admitted to my mattress jumping, teen show watching, red frog nomming (oh yeah, red frogs for the win!) super secret addictions, tell me yours.
What do you do that is like, totally embarrassing, like?
I promise I won’t tell anyone. It is just between you and me.
Shhhhhh.
*blush*
~~~~~~~~~~~
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48 Responses to “Dirty little secret.”
October 9th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Shhh Anita Blake Vampire Hunter novels, dirty little books with vampires and werewolves… don’t tell!
October 9th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Shhh: I eat all the Arnott Royal Biscuits at night and blame my wife…
October 9th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Hah! You can have the Hills, and I’ll keep my super-secret addiction to the new 90210.. oh, wait..
October 9th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
You realize that you have absolutely no street cred anymore, right?
October 9th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Bahahahaha… The Hills. Bahahahaha… that’s so funny and um… yeah.
October 9th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
HAHA.
I send hubbie out on errands with the kids so I can pump up the music and play air guitar.
What can I say? I am so talented.
October 9th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Jessbo: So I take it you are reading The Twilight thingy then? Moo hasn’t slept in days since she got the 4 books. She keeps wandering around swooning ‘Edward!’.
Arnold: Like my husband with the chocolate. Bastard.
4ft: I thought it was Entourage? And dude, you know it has been axed right?
Mr Lady: My street cred is fine. I am that awesome that I can admit to this unscathed. Now wearing Crocs… that is another thing entirely.
Anja: Come one woman. I need some dirt on you. I mean, tell me your secrets I won’t tell.
Widdle Shamrock: I know. I mean, I wouldn’t have any idea cause I don’t look through your windows or remove the light fixtures from the roof or anything…
October 9th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Shoe Pron just for YOU!
http://www.soledevotion.com.au
October 9th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
I eat the milo powder straight from the tin and I buy coffee creams and hide them in my bedside drawer so that I don’t have to share. I eat them when hubby goes to the shop or somewhere.
October 9th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
I eat chocolate and I am a diabetic. Albeit a bad diabetic. Then jab more insulin to cover myself :/
October 9th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
I stop and wave at passing trains
October 9th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
Oh, I forgot to mention, I went to Sole Devotion today and I TOUCHED shoes. Then I consoled myself with cupcakes from http://www.littlecupcakes.com.au/
October 9th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Jodi: *swoon* shoes…
River: Bwaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaaa! I did that once, hid the choc in my underwear drawer. In summer. One morning I thought I shat myself. Chocolate arse.
zuzu: Naughty girl. My Auntie does the same. Or goes for eleventy hundred mile walks.
BoxBoy: That is too cute. Do people stop and give you candy thinking you are 5?
October 9th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
I Agree with the Anita Blake books - i’m re reading them when i should be doing homework. (ive read three in about three days)i hope i dont go to my exams and just remember them. i also like singing in the shower, and walking around naked when i’m home alone… and if i tell you anymore i’ll have to kill you
October 9th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
I’m addicted to games on my mobile phone. It really pisses the husband off ’cause I play whilst listening to the telly and then need clarification about what is going on and who people are when I do glance up. Yes I am that annoying.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Um, not sure if it is really something *I* do, but tis a HUGE secret, or is now cause everyone I tell gasps in horror like it is the wrongest thing since R Kelly and the underage chic pee thing.
My baby sleeps in late, like REALLY late, like till NOON (don’t worry folks, she gave up her 2nd nap a LONG time ago! and did this on her own)so while she slumbers I crank up the baby monitor, check in on the www while everyone is getting ready for where ever - then I crawl back under the covers for at least an hour till she gets up!!! Hey, as long as she is happy and healthy, and I get all the house work done and dinner on the table, who gives a flying fuck what I do with my “ME” time? Waaay more productive than what the hubs would do if given that much time alone
PS - I have a TON of candy hidden within 2 ft of my side of the bed in case I wake in the night, but I ain’t tell’n none of ya’ll chocolate nomming biotches!
Ok, so those are the lamest secrets I could ever tell. The rest? I’d have to kill ya, and I like you way too much!
PS - A majority of that choc and candy I have hidden was stolen from my therapist’s candy bowl when she steps out of the room. It makes it taste oh so much better!
October 9th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Shall I just compile a list?
I eat salt like candy NOMNOMNOM
I have whole conversations with our rooster
I prefer playing with kids to adults (not in an icky way)
I bounce and flail around the house when I’m alone in some groteque imitation of a ballerina
Totally normal. Yes.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
I have no secrets. My life is an open book. A dirty book, but open.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
I think my stress levels would be much lower if I had a mattress to jump on in my hallway.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
That last one should have been a PPS so her is another PPPS - I eat flavored cream cheese out of the container in the fridge with a spoon, and I have seen every episode of iCarly and really don’t mind *having* to watch it with the older kids. I also get all excited when a new episode of Spongebob comes out
PPPPS - I may come back several times today for even more confessions and just tell my therapist I don’t need her today
October 10th, 2008 at 12:08 am
The mattress thing sounds really fun. The Hills however…you’re on your own there.
My embarrassing thing? I listen to Duran Duran. They’re my closet band.
October 10th, 2008 at 12:41 am
OK, here goes … I am a closet Justin Timberlake fan… total secret, no one can know.
October 10th, 2008 at 1:11 am
All right. Because I love you. Here are a few (but not entirely complete) list of my embarrassing secrets.
I stand on overpass bridges and try and make semi-trucks pull their air horn brakes and toot at me like I’m six.
I crank up Britney Spears (I must love you to tell you this) and pretend I’m a 16 year old badass blonde every boy wants to screw.
I blow air into my straw while I’m drinking milkshakes or pop to watch the air bubbles surface and make farting noises.
I have been known to randomly flash vehicles as they pass by me just to watch their eyes pop out of their heads.
I could go on, but I’m worried about my badass reputation.
But the mattress thing…I’d totally do it if I had one in my hallway too. Plus, I’d tackle my kids on it and tickle them until they almost peed.
October 10th, 2008 at 2:04 am
I like to sing int he shower, but I pretend I am a rock star and that I am going to be discovered. I do this daily. I also am addicted to One Tree Hill. If I miss an episode I throw a tantrum. My tantrums put my 2 year olds to shame.
October 10th, 2008 at 2:18 am
You have THE BESTEST ideas, Kel.
Will you come over and run our country? We really need someone stateside with great ideas.
We’re kinda in the crapper.
October 10th, 2008 at 3:40 am
I read this sentence:
And try and touch the roof.
As
And try and touch myself off it.
Because I was reading too quickly.
I am a dirty boy.
October 10th, 2008 at 3:42 am
I lived alongside a highway until I came to college. In the evenings, one of my best friends would come over and we’d go for walks along said highway. When trucks (semis) would come past I used to flash them. Once, when a truck went past, my friend reached over and grabbed my ass. The truck almost ran off the road.
October 10th, 2008 at 4:19 am
I so can’t think of anything. maybe I should start keeping secrets from the blogoshpere just so I have something to blog about.
October 10th, 2008 at 5:01 am
I dance around my house like a lunatic and sing like I’m a rockstar.
And I blog. That’s a secret from most of the people I know in real life. Until I go out to lunch with a blogger I know in real life and a bunch of other people and she mentions “oh, yeah, you told that story on your blog” and I give her that look that says “the first rule of the blog is we don’t talk about the blog” and then realize that no one in real life even cares that I have a blog.
Yeah, that was pretty embarassing.
October 10th, 2008 at 7:26 am
I love to go to meetings pretending I don’t speak or understand the language (hebrew) and then listen in to the gossip. I love Louis L’amour cowboy books. I dance and play air guitar while cooking in the kitchen (I never dance at parties, unless the music is something special). I pretend that I do not see the cat’s vomit in the morning as I leave the house before anyone else. I hide my scissors and stapler from my chaotic wife. I can burn 2 hours a day playing spider solitaire on my palm in the toilet.
All these and more.
October 10th, 2008 at 9:29 am
My foibles aren’t a secret…although, as a hobby, I let The Spouse live just to help renovate the house
October 10th, 2008 at 10:21 am
Shhhhhh. I like the low-fat mozzarella cheese sticks that are like chewing on rubber bands. And I don’t always wear underwear.
snort.
October 10th, 2008 at 11:11 am
You know that I jumped on the Hills train after it was discussed on Plurk. If you check out sidebar on my blog, it gives a link to watch the seasons you don’t have - I know some can’t watch MTV online outside the US, but maybe the other link will be of help. No, I’m not trying to promote my blog, just know what it is to *need* more Hills down to the core of one’s being. Oh, and yes, it does keep getting better and stays oddly addicting for reasons that make zero real sense. You deserve your guilty little secret. I won’t tell.
October 10th, 2008 at 11:18 am
FOR SHAME.
I really have my entire wedding all planned out to a certain musician that I will likely never meet, date, marry or shtoop.
But if I do. It’s planned.
October 10th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
I like watching the Real World. I know, yuck, right? I’m a reality show junky.
I also like to play with my daughters dolls and color in their coloring books. Even when they aren’t around. I’m a big kid, what can I say?
Oh, and I love Spongebob.
October 10th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Um, you are not going to blackmail us all now are you ???
October 10th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Teehee, I love stuff like this…
I squirt whipped topping directly into my mouth.
I will eat mayonaise sandwiches over anything else.
I pee in the shower…every single day….
I adore Barry Manilow.
God, that’s enough for now!
October 10th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
I could hug you right now. This was the most fun post I have read. Jumping on a mattress??? I am SO jealous. It sounds like you have a great balance in your life. And not just when you are jumping! lol
I still enjoy reruns of Dawson’s Creek. I love anything that involves Zoos, Circus, Parks - stuff made for kids.
October 10th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
People actually bleach the grout around their tiles?? No wonder my house doesn’t look like those in the magazines.
As for things that I do that are totally embarrassing, I cry during any movie that is even remotely sad or those lovely movies where the ending is so annoyingly sweet and lovely. I have been known to cry during commercials.
October 10th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
I so adore you. Esp because you watch my kind of bad TV.. I am so addicted to the hills and all its fakery.. yes..that is my made up word..
October 10th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Well, since you asked… I like to holler out the window at bicyclists in their hot, tight shorts. “Nice ass” is the best thing to holler. Actually haven’t done that in a bit, so I think this is a good inspiration to get back to ass appreciation.
October 10th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Christine: I understand the naked thing. I used to clean naked. Not since being caught though. Now go do your homework! Sorry, mother coming out in me…
Wombforimprovement: Oh God. Are you realated to my husband? Do you do it in the toilet too? And then message your spouse to bring toilet paper?
O’Neal: Stolen chocolate is the sweetest. Especially when it is stolen from children.
Amber: Yup. Except for the rooster thing. You freak.
lceel: I bet there are lots of skeletons in your closet boy.
Robin: Do it. It is too much fun! Or get one of those mini trampolines… must add that to the shopping list…
O’Neal: That will be a hundred bucks please and stop stealing all my candy.
Jim: Duran Duran? No way buddy. Culture Club for the WIN!
Diane: He does have a nice arse…
Redneck Mommy: Yes to all but Britney. I totally crank up Pink and tell myself she is just imitating my badarseness.
KD: Send me a tape of you singing in the shower. I will discover you. Or humiliate you on my blog. Whatever.
Maternal Mirth: I cannot see Russia from my house. I cannot shoot a caraboo or whatever the fuck it is she shot, and my kids have relatively normal names.
Solomon: And that is why I love you. I love me dirty boys.
Geeklover: Bwaaaaa haaaaa haaaaaa! Today at work a chick grabbed my arse and told me I was hot. A guy walked into a wall.
Vic: thought of anything yet? I am waiting…
Kylie: None of my friends read my blog. They think blogging is lame. So I tell strangers that I am an internet star and they think I am awesome. But I don’t give them the addy. So they think I am Dooce or Perez Hilton.
Blackpetero: MPS? Is that you? Where are the damn scissors!
Jayne: Wonder why I let mine live then?
Ree: Mmmmm cheese. And I am not wearing any right now either..
Maggies Mind: Squeeeeeeee! Will be checking that out babe!
ZoeyJane: Just don’t tell me it is one of the Wiggles. Or Robbie Williams. *vomit*
Mrs Schmitty: Don’t know that show. Should I check it out? *snort*
Widdle Shamrock: Me? Really? Yep.
Hotmamamia: Yuk, yuk, yuk, OMG! YUK! I love you.
Heidi: Circus? You should come to Boo’s birthday party…
Riayn: I only do that when I am pregnant. Then everything makes me cry, or homicidal.
Kim: I know! It is so bad it is good. And Heidi and Spencer are TOTALLY like E and her ex. It KILLS ME!
Kel: Glad to be of service. Add ‘ And Kelley thinks so too!’
October 10th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
I have just finished reading Twilight.. I also love the Anne Rice Vampire Chronicles.
My big secret is that I am a Runescape addict! I am like now a very high level player and I totally love knocking off those bad ass monsters with my abyssal whip! hehe
October 10th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
Oh, I’m late again but i’ll tell you my hideous secrets just cos but you can’t tell anyone, okay?
I totally use a hairbrush for a microphone and sing in front of the mirror. I have coerced my three big girls into being my back up singers
and
I love eating condensed milk, straight out of the tube.
Ummmmarrrrrr!
October 11th, 2008 at 3:30 am
I make innocent people curious about shows like The Hills
October 11th, 2008 at 5:18 am
I don’t mind admitting that I too love The Hills, I’ve been downloading Season 4 because I just couldn’t wait the extra month we in the UK have to wait for it to be shown.
My thoughts on the not so real life show:
* Spencer - a complete fucktard. Needs a shave. Needs some manners. Needs a bullet.
* Heidi - turned into a dumbass trashy white bint. I seriously cannot stand her although I do feel that she could do so much better than him.
* Lo - can be a bit of a hag sometimes, but she’s cool and she has Laurens back.
* Audrina - another dumbass but she’s a nice girl at heart and she’s soooo skinny.
* OH DEAR GOD - JUSTIN-ARSEHOLE-BOBBY - what a completely horrible grubby bastard. The twat needs a bath… and also a bullet.
* …and of course Lauren, I love love love LC. She’s nice, she’s funny, she’s the girl we all wanted to be.
Ooooh Kelley can we start a club?!?!?
October 11th, 2008 at 10:15 am
I read perezhilton. Total guilty pleasure.
Also? I dry hump cans of green beans. But you probably already knew that.
October 12th, 2008 at 1:25 am
This too funny! My husband and I are also addicted to the Hills. We call it our guilty pleasure. Just wait, after you see the later seasons, you’ll want to do worse than just punch Spencer. He’s such a bitch!
You can watch the full episodes online too! http://www.mtv.com/ontv/dyn/the_hills/videos-full-episodes.jhtml
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