I am totally a pron star.
Doesn’t ‘pron’ make you think of that movie thing ‘Tron’ about all the really cool robots or something. I dunno, I haven’t seen it being like 10 when it came out, but my current husband probably saw it, I think he was even engaged to some bint at the time. I say current husband cause if he keeps leaving his razors and tshirts and hair-fucking-gel all over the bathroom, and his freaking deodorant on THE BEDHEAD, he will be known as The Man Formerly Known As The Husband May His Soul Rest In Pieces Behind The Cubby House.
Wait. Did I get distracted again? Sorry. But I bought a new shovel yesterday! I know! Freaky co-incidence isn’t it?
Where was I? Oh yeah, the pron. Cause you say pron instead of the other so you don’t get the google freakshows coming to your blog. Cause looking for that would be FAR WORSE than todays Google fuckers:
That shit is tame compared to some of the freaky freakers that frequent good ol’ Chez Magnetobold.
So where was I going with this? Oh yeah, the pron that reminds me of Tron and then I go off on mad tangents. I am the queen of pron according to StumbleUpon. Cause I am constantly getting referrals from StumbleUpon and when I click on it I see this:
Yup. I am a Pron Queen.
Where is my fucking crown.
Every time (and it happens often, thankyou so much for stumbling me - if I knew who you were I would kiss you right on the mouth, tongues optional and dependant on your dental hygiene) my blog gets Stumbled it is put under ‘Pronongraphy’. If you click on Adult Content that will happen. I know I have a touch of the potty mouth, but pron?
And then they come. Men with questionable profile pics ‘Hello!’ and I vomit a little in my mouth. Cause I like me some dirty talk but I like to stalk you a little first, you know just to make sure you are not like a co-worker or something.
And speaking of co-workers, the other day I was at the pool with Boo (go Boo! You fucking ROCK the pool dude. London 2012 here we come!) waiting for the family change room to be free. Cause OF COURSE there is only ONE fucking family room the size of a small house and dammit I just need one little corner of the freaking thing, and girl, does it really take 20minutes for you to change that 4 year old? So we are standing there and Boo is flappin’ and a squealin’ and a guy in a pair of budgie smugglers that his mama probably bought him when he was 9 and could do with replacing cause they are almost see through and far far too tight - not that I was looking or anything - comes up to me. ‘Hi Kelley!’ I look up and it is one of the managers from across the hall. So I say the first thing that comes to mind ‘Oh! I didn’t recognise you naked.’
Cause I am the fucking Queen of the Pron.
Still waiting for my crown people.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Hi, this is the rational side of Kelley’s brain. What she is so eloquently *snort* trying to say is Stumble away, she loves you long time if you stumble her shit, but don’t press ‘adult content’ cause that brings more freakshows to her blog looking for pics of her boobies and dammit, that stuff is only reserved for you.
Popularity: 64% [?]
41 Responses to “I am totally a pron star.”
September 21st, 2008 at 11:46 am
Gawddammit woman. What a waste of a perfectly good mouthful of vodka. Budgie Smugglers???!!!???
Snort.
Excuse me. Must go refill my glass.
Oh Mr. Hot. Refill. Now!
September 21st, 2008 at 11:50 am
That is some weird shit that people are searching for.
September 21st, 2008 at 11:53 am
Thanks Kelley for another fabulous post this evening. And, the whole family change room thing… yeah, know where you are coming from there! Next time, maybe they will share it… LOL and may I hope for you there are not more too tight shorts around that are almost see-thru… who needs that as a visual?????
Do people not look in the freakin mirror before hitting the public areas?
And, see you and Boo on 2012 Olympics on TV BTW.
September 21st, 2008 at 12:17 pm
I thought I got some weird search terms on my blog, but girl, you take the cake. I am scared of the search terms that bring people to your blog.
September 21st, 2008 at 12:35 pm
I saw an ad for some rating site recently. So I visited and searched for my url, and it had a warning about not clicking it because of all of the adult content. Seriously?
September 21st, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Hahahaha
“How to handle a bitch at work”
and my favourite:
“how to stop my hair from going bold”
I would think one would want their hair bold? Especially if there *head is going bald*.
I have to tell you, this blog guarantees I will never have children. There is a whole world of problems out there that I just could not be arsed dealing with.
September 21st, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Once you get your crown, I’m sure you’ll have a great pair of hooker shoes to go with it, huh, huh, I’m right aren’t I?
September 21st, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Ever since my ‘Fuckidty fucking fuck fuck fuck fuck shit’ blog post I’ve been getting a heap of hits for search terms with ‘fuck’ in them. If only I’d know earlier what wonders swearing does for my stats
September 21st, 2008 at 1:40 pm
I’ve never thought to compare the look of a package to a budgie. I guess it takes an Aussie for that. I’m off to work on your crown. I have a whole roll of aluminum foil. It’ll be huge.
September 21st, 2008 at 1:48 pm
I just threw up in my mouth a little. Mmmm… Makes me think of the creepy Twitter Twats that follow you out of nowhere.
PS - The husband? Pop him and rub his nose in it!
September 21st, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Hello.
I need a lock for my door. It has something to do with this bitch at work. Money is no object. What to do?
September 21st, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Erk! It’s bad enough seeing total strangers in budgie smugglers, but seeing someone you work with in them? Blech!! Olympics 2012 eh? I’ll be sure and watch the swimming then. You’ll enter him as Boo, right? So I know which one he is?
September 21st, 2008 at 6:09 pm
It’s like telling me to ‘dont touch that’…
September 21st, 2008 at 7:13 pm
You can buy “Hello Kitty” bong’s? Cool.
September 21st, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Pron? How on earth??
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:07 am
Budgie smugglers made my day.
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:25 am
I still don’t get perverted searchers to my blog. I suppose that could change if I write the letter I want to write to the penis product people who asked me to review their wares on my blog. Then we could be pron sisters!
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:28 am
Yes, I was so intrigued, since I thought it was a typo or a new word… took me a minute but, gatcha.
I have recently started using Stat Counter, CREEPY. I did a post on my daughter saying “Mia Nu*dist” and I have more weirdos, from Contries I didn’t even know existed!
Yikes! And the post has no pictures, just a short paragraph… gag… people are TOO CREEPY!
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:42 am
I still don’t know how people find my blog and don’t want to. Although it apparently makes for very amusing blog fodder.
I have no smart ass comments today. I suppose I am smartassless.
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:53 am
Queen of Pron. I love it! You need to change your plurk name to that, for sure.
September 22nd, 2008 at 5:00 am
I got lost up at the top of the list with the Hello Kitty bong. Insanity, all of it.
September 22nd, 2008 at 8:55 am
Budgie smugglers. LOL. See through? Almost? Could you tell if he had a hairy coin purse?
September 22nd, 2008 at 9:27 am
from what i understand: add vagina to your title and/or address and voila! make millyuns on the internets.
ps: is there really a hello kitty bong? and if so, should I google it?
September 22nd, 2008 at 9:51 am
I have, from time to time, suffered from hair that is far bolder than I. Luckily, I’ve been able to talk things through with it and allowed us to avoid doing things like jump out of airplanes and climb mountains.
September 22nd, 2008 at 11:42 am
So, now we know where all the damn perverts migrate…
Party at your site!!
You pron queen you
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:38 pm
And I bet all the boys are thinking that you should flash ya tits in honour of your pron queen crowning!
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:49 pm
This was brilliant, tangents and all! I so needed the laugh!
I haven’t looked at my Google Analytics in weeks…cause frankly, it’s kinda scary!
September 22nd, 2008 at 9:24 pm
I really like “how to handle a bitch at work.”
Someone got to me once as they searched for how much navel lint weighs? Hunh?
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:04 am
The queen of pron in a velcro room. It’s all making sense now… ha ha ha
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:59 am
Pron is badass, didn’t you know?
Some douchebags found me searching for “Chuck E Cheese Law” and “school sucks and so do I.”
I don’t know about that first one, but the latter one - I think is probably a true statement.
September 23rd, 2008 at 2:11 am
Ahh, my favourite Pron Queen. Lol.
There are some totally awesone search terms right there, fave has to be “How to handle a bitch a work”
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:26 am
I shudder to think what the “pron crown” might be made of . . .
Then again, I’m also not sure “shudder” is the right word to use . . .
September 23rd, 2008 at 5:41 am
wait … there’s pictures of your bewbies on the internets??? for US???
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:10 am
Well, you do have awesome shoes. Maybe people consider that pronography…
Damn, my mind wandered down paths I did NOT want it wandering.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:15 am
Party like a pron star baby!
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:45 am
Why don’t I get good ones like those? My most exciting ones would be “toddlers barfing on car trips”, “dogs eating shaving cream”, and “killing the toddlers”
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Yep - between the plastic bag fetishists who search for me, and those who have blundered in because my Bra search got tossed into the adult content pile I worry about some of my lurkers.
Not so much that I would fret, of course.
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Shit, I hope the mis-Stumble wasn’t me, cause I’m a freak on with that app and who knows what I do?
But I totally found you by searching “lady to fuck my hairy husband bow-wow plus monkey,” so I think you’ve been the Pr0n Queen for a while now.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:39 am
Wow Kelley, I thought my web searches were weird, yours are amazing! Budgie Smugglers - classic! I’d never heard of that before. Totally made me laugh out loud. it’s just a crying shame it was someone you knew…
September 25th, 2008 at 6:20 am
You need a crown. Def. And, also some Hershey’s Kisses that don’t taste like arse. I never look at search terms. They freak me out.
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:05 am
Queen of Pron. There should be a Queen of Pron blog-a-tition for female bloggers …though you would totally nail it!
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