Be afwaid. Be vewy afwaid.
Boo is ascared.
Terrifried even.
Hiding behind this elaborate camouflage is the object of his shit-your-pants-and-wipe-it-on-the-wall horror.
He constantly checks that it is properly covered.
Peeks inside the armoury to ensure it hasn’t moved.
And don’t even THINK of moving any of that crap, cause he will go bat-shit crazy and lose his mother fucking mind.
It is wrapped up here.
His eyes widen and pop out of his head at the thought of it escaping.
‘Mummy is it still there?’ he stage whispers from across the kitchen, from behind his hands covering his eyes and his stifled screams of abject terror.
What has got my son so rattled?
What could possibly illicit such a reaction from a normally oblivious child?
This.
Fuck me dead. The kid is terrified of a sweet potato.
Seriously, what entertainment would I have in my life without this kid?
I am thinking of getting him one for his birthday.
Video taping the unwrapping.
And then sending it in to Funniest Home Videos.
Cause mummy needs a holiday.
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54 Responses to “Be afwaid. Be vewy afwaid.”
July 7th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
um. if he didn’t see you prep them and they got cooked in sauce, cubed, would it still not fly? cuz you seriously need to try that butter chicken/yam shit. maybe when you come to vancouver…
July 7th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
You gotta watch those vegetables with “sweet” in their name - they’re hiding something. Trying to pull the wool over your eyes. Boo knows.
July 7th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
oh goodness! Has he ever had them with maple syrup?
July 7th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Never liked those things..now I know there must be a reason to be afraid of them! Thanks for the heads up Boo.
July 7th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
I thought you were talking about the Kitchen Aid mixer at first. That’s totally understandable.
The sweet potato twist made for the best Boo Tale EVA!
July 7th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Personally I think brussel sprouts are MUCH scarier.
And, you’ve been holding out on us - you DO have a red kitchen aid!
July 7th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
That is TOO FUNNY. I wonder what it looks like to him? If you go ahead with that video, be sure to share with your blogfans. We all enjoy a laugh at someone else’s expense.
July 7th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
you know, i’m rather frightened of them myself. i hate sweet potatoes. I don’t blame him.
July 7th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Love it!
July 7th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
I’d have to agree with Robin. There are much scarier vegetables.
July 7th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
i yam what i yam…
July 7th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Shit woman, you’re channelling me a la John Edwards!
Except I aint dead…I don’t think…?
Bought some of them evil buggers and baked ‘em till they squealed for mercy…like a stuck pig…
OK now I’m channelling Deliverence…
July 7th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
Zoeyjane: I will be all over that when I come to visit. But, alas, Boo does not ‘do’ sauces. Except for mustard. And he prefers to lick that off the walls.
Latte Mommy: Good point. Damn Ninja vegetables.
VDog: I have. And they tasted better on their way back up… yuk
Leigh: But they are MY favourite vegetable! *sob*
Huckdoll: I thought of you as I was typing it, ‘gotta give that biatch a Boo fix’
Robin: I TOLD YOU! That is what made me fall in love with you in the first place. AND her name is Mia. And I love her.
Melain: Me? Blog at my kids expense? Day-um, I will be posting it EVERYWHERE!
Shamelessly Sassy: That is because you haven’t had them right. You weirdo Americans with your maple syrup and marshmallows…. they need to be roasted in a little oil with a sprinkling of sea salt. *drool*
Veronica: Yeah, until Amy pulls that shit…
Tess: Yeah, boiled cabbage… *shudder*
The planet of Janet: Bwaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaa! You funneh chick.
Jayne: You are just a special kind of crazy aren’t you? Love ya for it.
July 7th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
I was afraid it was the Kitchen Aid mixer, also, and I’m well aware that a choice between Boo and the mixer might not come out so well for the child! Getting my Cobalt blue was one of the happiest days of my life *tears up, sniffs*
July 7th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Awww bless, poor wee Boo! I don’t much like sweet potato either tbh…
July 7th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
A sweet potato seems so innocuous. Any reason for the fear?
I like them in pumpkin & sweet potato soup. I have them as a roasted vegetable too.
July 7th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
Being Irish, I take great offence at any negative potato coverage.
Blogworld solicitors have been contacted.
July 7th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Too funny.
Boo has a supporter in Heidi, she has from her first attempt at solid foods deemed that all things Orange are evil. Thus if I dare to serve sweet potato or any other foodstuff it will end up adorning our walls and floors.
July 7th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
I loves me some sweet potato, send them my way. I’ll protect Boo from the nasty vegetables.
July 7th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
You’re evil. I LOVE IT!
July 7th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
You are too funny! Be sure to post the video here before you send it off to Funniest Videos!
My daughter is afraid of them, too….onions also!
July 7th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!
July 8th, 2008 at 12:47 am
That is hilarious!
July 8th, 2008 at 1:01 am
You could really fuck with him and get one of those African potatoes and put it right in the middle of the kitchen table.
Seriously, check this sucker out: http://www.africanplantextracts.com/images/potato1.jpg
July 8th, 2008 at 3:37 am
Can I get a copy of the video? Autographed by you? Thanks.
July 8th, 2008 at 3:38 am
That African potato is nasty looking… *shudders*
Seriously though, what is so bad about the potato for him? You didn’t smack him with one did you?
July 8th, 2008 at 4:24 am
I see his point. Sweet potatos are the stuff of nightmares! I cringe at the thought of running into some bad sweet potatos when I’m out for a stroll in the park…
July 8th, 2008 at 4:26 am
He obviously saw that movie, ‘The Sweet Potato That Ate Cleveland’ at some point in his life. Or was that ‘The Tomato That Ate Cleveland’. Or was it ‘The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes’. Oh, I don’t know .. it was one of those Vegetables-get-revenge-on-humans movies though.
July 8th, 2008 at 5:23 am
seriously?
I hate laughing at kids, but that is pretty darn funny! Don’t let him near my fridge cuz I got a case of them in there…I don’t need him losing control of his bowels in terror.
July 8th, 2008 at 5:59 am
In the still darkness of the pre-dawn day…
In the kitchen where ninjas have been know to frolic…
Hiding in the shadows…
(cue ominous music)
It’s…it’s…
THE ATTACK OF THE KILLER SWEET POTATOES!!!!!!!
Dum dum dummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm……………
July 8th, 2008 at 7:14 am
I feel that way about water chestnuts. Seriously.
July 8th, 2008 at 8:27 am
I also thought it was that kick-ass (ass-kickin) mixer. Which I could totally understand.
Please promise a video post?
July 8th, 2008 at 9:44 am
Well, maybe it’s not ALL sweet potatoes he’s scared of, but just THAT sweet potato. I have to admit that when I first saw the pic without reading I thought it looked a bit, well, pornographic….
I’m afraid of anything that looks like a dick but isn’t a dick….
July 8th, 2008 at 11:49 am
I smell a $10,000 prize.
July 8th, 2008 at 11:53 am
I thought it was something far worse than a sweet potato! Hehehehe
(BTW: Just finished reading every post on your blog - left you a note on the first entry! <3)
July 8th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
GOOD GRIEF!!!
July 8th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Darn - you will NEVER be able to visit paradise, as the only road in has a Sweet Potato stand where you can get heaps for cheap!!!
Great roasted, chipped, in stews, mashed and on pizza.
July 8th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Ah yes, the sweet potato, ugly to look at, murder to eat.
July 8th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
You are some kind of terrible. And I’m falling in love.
July 8th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Don’t knock him. I’m terrified of sweet potato too. Just like cauliflower - yuk, disgusting and vile.
July 8th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
greytfriend: Oh I know! I bought it on our wedding anniversary and was tempted to take it to bed with me.
Marilyn: ooooh it is yummy! Sweet potato chips and roasted like a potato mmmmm.
River: No freaking idea! Can’t even ask him cause he gets all freaked out by the word. Ooooh sweet potato soup!
BoxBoy: he he he. Good luck. Boo will kick your arse. He is like a foot taller than you now right?
Marita: So I see an interior decorator in her future then?
Bettina: You and me both. Looks like I will have to hide to eat them.
Kylie: You ain’t seen nothin’
Alison: Seriously? Why is she afraid? Stoopid kids. Should be scared of normal things like cholesterol and Crocs.
Maria: Yup.
Diane: Not for Boo. Side splittingly funneh to me.
Lilacspecs: Fuck! It looks like it is about to open it’s eyes and talk!
Mrs Schmitty: But of course, so you want that made out to ‘one of my biatches’ then?
DirtyLaundryDiva: No, but I am thinking about it…
VE: See even a vegetable can kick your arse. Girly man.
Iceel: *snigger* you are funny…
Colleen: It is not so much laughing at him as gaffawing.
Jen: Bwaaaaa haaaaa haaaaaa! You nutter!
Ree: Again with the agreement. Seriously chick we are so much alike it is scary. Big thumbs down to the water chestnut.
Sandy: You evil woman. You are ENCOURAGING me to traumatise my child for your entertainment? You are my kinda woman.
Naomi: That was a pic I lifted from the internetz. the actual one is more knobbly. More penis like.
Manager Mom: *snigger* holiday or shoes?
Monnie: You are seriously stalking me right? Here, twitter, Plurk… wonder if I can get you to send me money…
Coast Rat: bwaaaa haaaaa haaaaaa!
Jeanie: Wonder if I can convince him to wear a blindfold? I lovez me some sweet potato.
Tiff: Only if you don’t prepare it properly. But then again you probably eat *vomit* steak, right?
A Whole Lot of Nothing: And I lurve you right back…
Ian: He he he, wanna come for dinner then? Indian spiced cauliflower tonight…
July 8th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Am I a bad person for finding this hysterically funny?
July 8th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
You were stalking some other buddies of mine on Twitter and Plurk!
Stalk stalk stalk
July 9th, 2008 at 2:46 am
[…] Kelley’s son is scared to go into the kitchen because of a sweet potato. […]
July 9th, 2008 at 3:52 am
Oh my… My little sister was scared of windsocks as a child, as she kept having nightmares involving them chasing her… Never figured that one out.
July 9th, 2008 at 3:56 am
My ThingOne is not terrified at the sight of fruits and vegetables, but proximity to, having to touch, eat, or the suggestion of any of these actions can bring her to tears and invoke possible hyperventilation. See here: http://www.bigbaddaddyrant.com/files/harbinger_of_death.php
July 9th, 2008 at 5:12 am
I understand his horror..I acutally just had this conversation today..if they get near my mouth I get that wattery vomit taste in my mouth.. I can not do sweet potatoes..
July 9th, 2008 at 6:23 am
Absolutely hillarious!! LOL!
July 9th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Do I look like a meateater?
Not a steak doth pass these lips. At least, not for a very very long time.
July 9th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Proof that I’m a bad person:
I’d start buying the ones that were most human-like in appearance and/or attach Mr. Potato Head eyes to them.
July 9th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Riayn: Yep. You are going straight to hell. With me. We have the wine sorted you wanna bring the nibblies?
Monnie: Hmmm, I am wondering who!
RC: MPS’s nickname in his twenties was windsock…
BigBadDaddy: I can one up you. Boo will only eat pale coloured or brown things. AND he is gluten and milk free. So BEAT THAT! Yeah, I didn’t think so… I am the winnah!
MP: Oh I love the sweet potato. Can I drop Boo at your place while I indulge?
Jenty: Now I am trying to find a way to dispose of the thing cause it is growing penacillin…
Tiff: Phew, cause steak is nasty.
Tranny Head: Oh how I wish I had thought of that!!! Bwaaaaa haaaa haaaaaa!
July 10th, 2008 at 5:08 am
I gotta back the kid. There is nothing creepier than a potato that’s got spuds and eyes growing out of it. Root vegetables are spoooky.
July 10th, 2008 at 8:27 am
That is so horribly mean - and yet I can’t stop laughing. Oh the horror. snicker. Ahem.
July 11th, 2008 at 11:34 am
maybe he’s been watching too much karen finley?
(http://www.sfgate.com/eguide/profile/arc97/1297finley-interview.shtml)
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