Smite me oh mighty smiter!
This week has been a bitch.
A week that has tested my normally sunny disposition.
Yeah, shut the fuck up.
Those that have been following my woes this week on Plurk AND supporting me through this rat fuck son of a bitch anal dwelling butt monkey week, I thank you.
(10 points for guessing the two movies I totally stole those fabulously descriptive phrases from)
That smiter dude has been doing some serious smiting on my arse.
But you know what? I ain’t taking your smiting lying down in my fucking sick bed with a head full of snot, some angry freaking virus eating away the delicate flesh of my throat and shivering with the plague.
You wanna smite me? You wanna play with me hey? Bring it big guy, I will take your smiting and raise you this
Yeah, yeah, how do you like that?
POW!! There it is again… ooooh don’t you like it? Putting old people dawdling in my way, people standing too fucking close, red lights and ten thousand spoons when all I need is a knife?
Is that all you got? Oh, playing hard ball now! MPS losing his DJ job, my brand new coffee machine breaking down, no nappies available ANYWHERE and Boo covering the house in urine.
Ooooooh she did it again! Fucking smite me bastard and I will keep doing it. I will tape that finger up so I can flip the bird at you in my sleep.
You and that fucking ceiling cat.
Oh and you didn’t like me taking that pic did you? Playing around with my bluetoothy thing and hiding the real camera. And getting Boo’s case manager to quit and the fucking Good Guys electrical store to fuck her around so I lost my funding for a new freezer for Boo’s specialist food….
Oh Hello? What is this?
Yeah, for you and your fucking chocolate shitting unicorns.
I still get my virgins though, right?
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46 Responses to “Smite me oh mighty smiter!”
June 27th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
I know one of the movies is Bruce Almighty. (I freaking love that film!) And I think the other is Alien? *hopes*
I’m sorry you’ve had a not so good week. I, Dr Kath, prescribe chocolate and some new shoes to help. And you totally still get your virgins.
(I apologise for the lack of actual advice. I am terminally crap at advice.)
Here is a video you may find amusing to cheeer you up (I laughed so hard I almost peed. But it takes the whole first minute to get going.)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=8JYNU5xhMBE
June 27th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Hi Kel,
that sucks ass. All of it. It just sucks.
*big hugs*
Best regards and wishing for some smiting payback, Andrew
June 27th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
You look scary! Hope next week is better
June 27th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
I love you and your lovely manicured finger. You’re just sweetness personified
June 27th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
No words. Except for all the ones I’m sworn not to use…
Where should I send the clinkers?
June 27th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
damn.
must the fucking week for it
want me to come over and be blunt and intimidate the smiter? *snort*
June 27th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
you tell those sucky bastards! Things will get better, promise! Remember the good things of the week, and when that doesn’t work - shove your finger up the mighty smiters big giant arse!!
June 27th, 2008 at 11:05 pm
After a week like that, you’re entitled to a ‘go postal in the public place of your choosing and get out of jail free’ card. Already used mine. Otherwise, I’d give it to you.
Next best thing - chocolate, vodka and some serious revenge-plotting. Hope you get to do some therapeutic smiting of your own this weekend.
June 27th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
Unicorns shit chocolate?
If they piss coffee you should be asking for one for your birthday.
June 27th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
I’m sorry your week has been such shit! I hope it gets better!
A little something to cheer you up? My three year is sitting next to me looking at the screen and he is now trying to mimic your pose…it’s quite humorous!
June 27th, 2008 at 11:29 pm
This whole month blew hairy monkey balls. I’m so glad it’s almost over.
Here’s hoping you have a better weekend and a MUCH better July!
June 27th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Wishing you fluffy bunnies and a daquiri drip. Oh and EVERYONE CAN PISS OFF on your behalf.
June 27th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
You know I love you and I think I should use your photo to describe my feelings at this time too!!
June 27th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
Aw, fuck and fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
You know I’m flipping that smiter off for you as well. Two birds are better than one.
June 27th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
that’s the way to smite back!!!!
i’m thinkin’ i want one of those chocolate and coffee unicorns, too.
June 28th, 2008 at 12:14 am
OMG - you are gorgeous and I love you and I want to have your babies.
June 28th, 2008 at 12:17 am
Babe, I so fuckin’ feel your pain. Email me, I’m deadly fuckin’ serious. I need to connect. I’m with you.
June 28th, 2008 at 12:47 am
Kick his arse honey, I’ll sit on him so he can’t escape!
*hugs* I wish I could do bloody SOMETHING to help
June 28th, 2008 at 1:19 am
shit. the. bed.
…rough week Kelley??
I’m with Ree, so make that “3 birds are better than 1″
oooh this could be your new weekly thing… people could send you pics of themselves flipping the smiter the bird
June 28th, 2008 at 1:20 am
Oy. Remind me never to piss you off! Is this the cold meds talking??
June 28th, 2008 at 1:57 am
You’ve got pretty good nails for a bitch…
June 28th, 2008 at 2:27 am
Pretty finger..
June 28th, 2008 at 3:36 am
You having a bad week, hun?
June 28th, 2008 at 4:57 am
I just came back to re-read this and it reminded me .. I’ve got a prostate exam coming up this month. phooey.
June 28th, 2008 at 5:08 am
And I bet God has a looooooooonnnnnnggggg file on you in that filing cabinet! ha ha.
June 28th, 2008 at 7:37 am
Bah - sorry to hear about the rotten week
I wish I had just one nail that looks as nice as your middle one 
June 28th, 2008 at 7:38 am
Sorry you’ve had a rough week.
June 28th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Sounds like you are having a bitch of a week. I really hope that next week is extra good to make up for it.
June 28th, 2008 at 11:04 am
On everyones behalf, I would just like to say a hearty FUCK YOU to the universe and the smiters in general.
Thankyou.
June 28th, 2008 at 11:24 am
sending *huge hugs*, clinkers & all the other wonderful things to u.
Hope the coming week is better for u. *hugs*
June 28th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Nice manicure, hun
June 28th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
best post ever. I think I will steal the picture and use it as an emoticon. haha.
June 28th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Boo’s case manager QUIT?? That really sucks. Any idea why? And I’m sorry to hear you’re not so well, anything I can do to help? Could I eat some clinkers for you? I don’t have any in the snacks cupboard right now, but I’ll rush out to Coles if you say so……….
June 28th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
I’m scared.
June 28th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Kath: Taking your prescription and eating chocolate and shoe shopping next week. You are right with the movies!
Andrew: Oh the smiting will be returned. And it will be epic.
Tess: Um, thanks? I was rather pissed off at the time and sick…
Karen: I have no nailpolish on! And in desperate need of some nail intervention… but sweetness is me all over.
Deeleea: Just tell the postman to bring it to the house with all the screaming…
Bettina: Well Boo sent an email… might need your help if that doesn’t work.
Nickoal: Damn smiter has a rather large arse methinks…
Kitty Polestar: Lovin’ that gravatar. Will be doing some serious smiting once I get all liquored up.
Lilacspecs: Bwaaaaa haaaa haaaaaa!
Alison: Awesome! I get to corrupt other peoples children from the comfort of my loungeroom.
Moo: Ooh I hear ya Moo. It is gunna be fan-freaking-tastic as soon as I smite these bastards.
Magno: Sweet. A daquiri drip would be teh awesome.
Sunshine: smootches and hugs babe <3
Ree: glad to know you are always there covering my back babe.
The Planet Of Janet: You reckon we would get like a bulk discount or something?
lceel: *gaffaw*
Anja: emailing you now…
Marilyn: You can sit on God? That is some mad skillz you got there babe.
Fee: What an awesome idea!
Latte Mommy: You know it. On both counts.
BoxBoy: All the better to scratch your eyes out. Or your teeth…
MP: Not when it is pointed in your direction…
Solomon: Just a little.
lceel: Eww and you stalking me? Cause if you are there is an application process.
VE: *snigger* you think?
Karen: Next week has gotta be better right? Right?
Kel: thanks babe. At least it makes for blog fodder eh?
Riayn: Winning the lotto would be a start…
Veronica: Thanks! *snigger* I love it when you get all foul mouthed..
Caroline: Oooh you just reminded me of the dark chocolate Clinkers in the pantry… omm nomm nomm
Tina: No polish on those nails babe, I usually wear slutty red. Of course
Shamlessly Sassy: And so you did!
River: She quit cause she got a better cushier job. Can’t say I blame her really. But it sucks for me. Go buy copious amounts of snacks and then name the resulting second arse after me.
A Whole Lot of Nothing: Still? Fuck me dead woman… *snigger*
June 28th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
dood. you cursed at God in a finger way. *shock and awe*
*waits 20 minutes, then looks around to see who’s watching, then applauds*
June 28th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Sorry your week has been so crap, Kel. Hope it improves beyond belief. And a unicorn that makes chocolate poo? If I closed my eyes and didn’t think about the fact that it was coming out of it’s backside, I could live with that. ‘Cos I hear unicorns crap like there is no tomorrow.That’s alot of chocolate.
June 28th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
Second arse? Oh no, if i’m eating snacks for you, the calories are all yours. That’s just the way it is. Clinkers for Kelley, calories for Kelley. See? My arse is saved.
June 28th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
Kelley
Sorry to hear your having a bad week, i hope you work things out with the coffee machine.
Hugs honey!
June 28th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Does the unicorn shyte chocolate poo with a hole in the centre so it can play quoits with it’s horn?
No?
Then take that lovely manicured digit and stick it firmly in God’s eye till the bastard starts watering and we can
A) have rain
and
B) see the mongrel fixes his mistakes (yes, it has to be a male for all those fuck ups. A chick just wouldn’t let it happen on her watch).
June 29th, 2008 at 1:45 am
So i popped over and caught you on a good day??!
June 29th, 2008 at 2:34 am
I’m not sure what I find scarier…the angry finger or that pic of Winehouse.
Hopefully next week requires less fingers. Good luck.
June 29th, 2008 at 6:12 am
You are nuts and I love you.
June 29th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Hugs Babe.
Hope things are better this week.
I have nail envy, it’s a bit like penis envy, only not.
June 30th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
I lurve you. Same kinda week here. It had best get better this week or you might see me on the news beating the fuck out of my “boss”. ug.
hugs girlie.
July 9th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
[…] so, in all classiness and uncrassness, I copy follow Kelley and smite thee, oh mighty […]
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