Is it cold in here? Or hot? Or cold?
This morning I went to the doctors.
Every freaking doctor in known universe has been booked out for days, and shit like NOT BEING ABLE TO BREATHE and CHEST PAINS are apparently not that important.
So finally, I gotz me an appointment today.
I shuffled around some stuff at work so I could make the 9.10am appointment.
After dropping Boo off at school with cash to buy me some crap at the Mothers Day stall, and taking with me wads of papers to fill out for camp tomorrow, I went in search of a park within walking distance of the surgery.
I was in luck. The Goddess must have been shining down on me and I found a park within sight of the huge glass walled building.
Went in, took my seat and prayed that it wouldn’t take long. I had a meeting at 10.15.
Shuddup. I am not firing on all cylinders today. I actually thought I would have time to pick up a latte on the way into the office. *snort*
So at 9.55 the doctor calls me in.
He was a slimy looking character. All flashy smile and gold chains. I was almost inclined to leave the door open he creeped me out that much. But he was the only doctor available for The. Next. Week.
So I swallowed the bile that was rising in my throat and sat down.
‘So, how are you today?’
‘Um, sick?’
‘Reaaaaally?’ he raised his fucking slimy eyebrow at me. I mean fuck me dead, why on earth else would I be there? The germ encrusted magazines? The scintilating conversation in the waiting room with the grannies having a competition on who is the most fecally compacted?
‘Um, yeah. I have had this cold/flu thing (I am that awesome people that I can actually put a ‘/’ in speech, bow to my awesomeness) for a couple of weeks and the last few days I have had chest and back pain and finding it hard to breathe’
I sounded just like that kid in the wheelchair in Malcolm in the Middle, stopping and starting and wheezing and shit.
‘Athsma’ concluded dickhead doctor.
‘Um, no.’
‘Yes, yes, you have athsma’ he insisted
‘No. I don’t have athsma. Never have.’
‘Oh’ he seemed disappointed. Then his mobile rang. He. Turned. His. Back. On. Me and answered it! He started speaking in another language - I couldn’t tell what nationality he was, I am crap at that stuff - and laughing and shit while I am sitting there.
Then he hangs up and goes on like nothing happened.
‘So no athsma? You sure?’
Yes you fucking idiot, I just told you. Don’t make me slap you. ‘No athsma’ I say firmly. Like talking to a small child.
He gets up and walks over to me. He sticks one of those temperature thingies in my ear and then looks at it. Surprised.
‘You are sick!’ he exclaims and shows me the readout. 39.8C (103.6F)
Um, I like told you that arsehat.
He gets rather annoyed that while I am doing the ‘breathe in, breathe out’ thang, I hack up a lung. Cause I am having trouble with that ya know? That is why I am here?
He starts mumbling about resting and pleurisy and pneumonia and whatever and writes me a script for antibiotics. And then he starts leaning back in his chair….
and demonstrates how to fucking rest. No seriously people, he laid back in his chair and said ‘You lay your head back like this and close your eyes and this is resting’
*boggle*
So I say ’should I take the day off work then?’ cause I am thinking that is some pretty impressive number on the ol’ temperature scale and perhaps it is not actually freezing in here with my socks & tights under my knee high boots, coat and wrap on over my winter weight outfit.
Hmmm.
‘Oh, where do you work?’ his sliminess inquires.
‘In an office’ is all I will divulge.
‘Oh. A week. You need a week to rest like I showed you.’
Yeah, whatever buddy, just give me the freaking certificate and prescription and let me get outta here K?
So on my way to the pharmacy to collect my drugs I ring in sick to work. J seems relieved I am not coming in.
Hmmm.
Then to add insult to death warmed up?
I saw these in a boutique that I will no longer frequent.
I totally stole this image from the internet. Cause I tried to snap a picture in the boutique but the owner was all hovery and ‘can I help you?’ and desperate for a sale and shit.
So I have the week off, to rest like this and stuff. Yeah right. OK, I can read everyones blogs rest when I am supposed to be at work.
So let the sucking up begin. Cause I loves me some groveling.
Some of you may have noticed that my New! and Improved! Blogroll is finished. AND I put the word ‘blogroll’ on the Stalking my Stalkers button cause no one could find it.
Now it took me AGES. Check it out. And oooh and ahhh at my awesomeness.
And if you want to be on the stalkers list - cause some of you have whined that you are not, even though you Did. Not. heed the call out a couple of weeks ago - commence sucking up. Complimenting my shoes is good.
Oh, and if you have an image you would prefer I use let me know.
Cause God knows I have time. With all this ‘resting’.
Popularity: 47% [?]
50 Responses to “Is it cold in here? Or hot? Or cold?”
May 6th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
AARGH! We have a doctors surgery here with doctors like that. I now pay more *ouch* to go to another clinic where the doctors aren’t slimy and awful.
Your Stalkers list WOULD be totally awesome if I were in it, but I am not, so I will call you all things biatchy and horrible and ignore you for the rest of my life now.
Oh yeah, sorry you’re sick biatch.
May 6th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
I would ask you to add me to your blogroll. But that sounds like desperation, no?
Aw, hell, why not sound desperate because my girl just put her head through the window here in the lounge room and now it’s all broken and shit and she’s fallen asleep on the couch and I’m praying its not concussion because then I’d end up at the drs surgery with, my luck, the same dude as yours… and…and…
I give up
I need hugs 
May 6th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Firstly, sorry that you are so unwell. That is an impressive temp.
Secondly, I had a good laugh at your description of the doctor! OMG, are you sure you are not living next door to me????? You jscribed every single GP out here.
Thirdly, well, i hope you get better really soon and that you DO actually rest (like this)
May 6th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Sorry you are sick. Having worked with doctors for 5 years I’m very wary of them now going in as a ‘health care consumer’ (wanky phrase of the week).
Can I beg to be on your blogroll? I will like totally dedicate a blog post to your awesomeness if I get on.
May 6th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Your doctor sounds like a total moron. I can’t believe he actually showed you how to rest. Actually scrap that, having been through our wonderful medical system I can sympathise with you encountering one of their many star performers.
My wonderful rheumatologist, who I haven’t been back to see for almost a year, had the balls to tell me that I was in pain because I was depressed. This is after he diagnosed me with fibromyalgia. It was like, yes you have this disease which is causing you pain and has robbed you of your ability to walk, and then in the next breath, you know you are in pain because you are depressed right? Got to find me a new rheumatologist.
Get well and rest up just like your doctor showed you to. *hugs*
May 6th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
It’s about time you hauled that sorry arse of yours off to the doctors. Hope the AB’s kick in real soon. Being sick sucks. HUGE {{{{HUGS}}}}
The blogroll looks amazing BTW.
May 6th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
At least he didn’t tell you to put your feet in something warm when you were resting - like something fur-lined!!
I hope you do get some rest and find a better doctor and that the ABs kick in and that…well that things get a little less arsehat-ish soon.
May 6th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
What a crackpot! He actually showed you how to rest? And you DIDN’T put a stiletto heel in his groin?
On a more serious note, try that cold remedy tea I keep rattling on about - it really does help.
May 6th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
Hey, mums get busy. Maybe he thought you for real weren’t familiar with the concept of rest. If only he’d authorised a week of shoe shopping and chocolate as well!
(I’m ignoring those … things. Maybe they’ll go away.)
May 6th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
I’m amazed that you can type so well while laying your head back in that resting position. What’s with doctors anyway, don’t they realise that if we rested as much as they tell us to the house, possibly the world, would go to hell REALLY REALLY fast??
Robin:-cold remedy tea? Do tell.
Get better soon.
May 6th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
You are Hilarious! Get well soon!
May 6th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
Bugger! Hate it when you get real sick like that. How *considerate* of him to show you how to rest… *coughbullshit!*
Spend the time wisely - blogging and chocs and a half decent coffee should help hopefully. Oh - and maybe it’s time to get the secretary engaged …
May 6th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
Wow - you really ARE sick
LMAO at the doctor’s demonstration, but seriously do take his advice you need TLC from MPS.
Your blogroll is the fabbest (is so a word :P) I have ever seen. Thanks for including me
May 6th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
That doctor sounds like an idiot.
And I thought I had heeded the call to be on your blogroll, but obviously not, because I’m not.
May 6th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
http://asthma.about.com/lw/Health-Medicine/Conditions-and-diseases/Viruses-Can-Trigger-Asthma-Symptoms.htm
That’s really splendid to have resting demonstrated! I went to a Dr once who got the shits because I already knew what was wrong with me, care of google. He didn’t like being treated as a prescription dispenser. Doofus.
Is it possible I’m not on the blogroll because I don’t have a blog?
May 6th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Doctors, the lowest form of pond scum.
Ok, did Doc Bollywood give you an inhaler for your breathing difficulties? Because you probably will need one, temporarily. Your bronchial tubes will be labouring something wicked because of the flu, and a bronchodilator (like Ventolin) will ease your breathing.
Gebus, you really scored a good one. *sigh*
May 6th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
I missed the call I did not heed. *sniff*
But at least I’m not sick.
Seriously, you can get a doctor’s note to stay home from work over there? What a cool country. Although tough to see the doctor, it would seem…
May 6th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
That doctor sounds awful! Talking on a mobile phone while you’re in the middle of a consultation is really unprofessional!
Are you sure he’s not just some guy they dragged in off the street to make the numbers up? I bet you’re glad he didn’t want to listren to your chest, eh?
May 6th, 2008 at 10:07 pm
Urgh, that doctor sounds like a slimy git :S
Enjoy your R&R - catching up on blogs is what it’s all about y’know
May 6th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
Hi Kel,
let me start by saying that I’ve worked in and around the Australian health policy establishment for most of the last two and a half years.
Now… have you ever seen the movie Dune? The people who worked for the Harkonnens (the bad guys) had this heart plug thingo installed - it was like the handle from those paddlepop things from Tupperware that you can use to make frozen fruit juices for kids… anyhow, imagine a plastic loop connected to a stick thing that goes directly into the serf’s chest, and if they pissed Duke Harkonnen off, he pulled the handle, and they died. Gruesomely. It was scary, but NO-ONE offended twice.
Would you have pulled the handle of that doctor today? Would the Australian medical establishment have been a better place for it? Would anyone (apart from his mother) have missed him?
Incompetent doctors kill people. We tolerate poor service because we have no choice - successive governments have let our health care system degenerate to slightly-better-than-third-world standards. Were we over-serviced back in the good old days when you could expect to get a doctor’s appointment within 72 hours of actually getting sick? Apparently so. This is not Dr Goldchain’s fault - our willingness to be grateful for any medical attention at all is at fault. It is bad, but not bad enough for us to take to the streets with placards. I’d like to say that your story is the exception rather than the rule.
The moral of this story is this: don’t get sick.
Best regards, Andrew
May 6th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
my doctor sucks hairy foreign ass!
She blames everything on smoking… If I was run over by a train and I walked into her office with my detached arm in a carrier bag, she’d STILL say it was the smoking.
Last time I went was when I’d broken a bone and again she suggested that my smoking may have caused it… nothing to do with the fact that I was ’suitably twatted’ (drunk) and fell over though!
OH OH OH, and she “NO SPEAK-Y ENGRISH” as well.
May 6th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
He demonstrated resting…????? (stupid fucker..)
You might need a puffer anyway, just while you are ill.. open up those airways baby..You can get ventolin over the counter at the chemist..
get well soon xxx
May 6th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
That could only happen to you!
Feel better soon. I’m so sorry you had that terrible experience in the boutique…That alone would see you off work for a week.
PS: Are you sure you don’t have asthma *ducks*
May 6th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Suze: Oooh abuse! Your in.
Karen: Wow, the sympathy vote. And sticking your kids head through a window too! Awesome.
Tiff: I will rest like every other mother does
Unfortunately he is the rule rather than the exception round these parts. One of the downfalls of living in the country.
Marita: I will like let you pick your picture and everything if you dedicate a post to me. *snort*
Riayn: What an arsehat! I had a neurologist tell me that Boo had Autism because I had a big head. Yes, apparently my head is bigger than normal, he being the only one to notice…
Lightening: And a day early! I promised by Wednesday did I not? I am awesome.
Guera: Bwaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa and *shudder* all at the same time!
Robin: Email it to me will ya babe?
Missy: If only ignoring would make them go away. Methinks that shoe shopping may be rather healing and, dare I say it, restful???
River: Oh me and my freaking asthma haven’t really taken much notice of what slimeball said.
Coast Rat: thanks
Imnomartha: Oh *swoon*. Note to self, go back and read I need a secretary post… mmmm
Meg: thanks babe. Now you know why it took me so long!
Katie: Consider yourself on. Well when I get around to it…
JodieOdie: Well yes. You need a blog to be on a blogroll. Weird shit huh?
Anja: No, damn. Wish you were here. Anything else I can do? Cause breathing hurts like a fucker.
DooDaddy: Yeah baby. And at my work I can take time off to care for my kids if they have the day off. Full pay!
Solomon: Fuck! I didn’t think of that. And yes, he got a good look at the lovelies while checking my ‘breathing’
Marylin: I have missed visiting everyone this week. I will be around ASAP!
Andrew: the moral of the story is don’t get sick in country Victoria. Cause we get all the crap docs, and when a good one slips through the cracks the Melbourne surgeries poach em. And no, I wouldn’t have pulled his handle, but I would have liked give him a roundhouse kick to the spleen…
MrsFancyPants: Wow, that could be the next anti smoking ad. Don’t smoke, you will break your arm.
Frogpondsrock: You can get them over the counter? Really? Fab. I will check it out tomorrow! Ta.
May 6th, 2008 at 11:36 pm
Tracey: You biatch. Oh and you lost the game. So there *pokes out tongue*
May 6th, 2008 at 11:53 pm
I’ve worked it out.
It’s deliberate.
That doctor was pissing himself laughing and posting the video on YouTube a minute after you walked out of the surgery.
Because it HAS to be an act. No one capable of getting a medical degree can be that stupid.
Then again, there was that kid in my class (almost in country vic, not quite) whose leg was set and plastered by the local doctor… plastered from the break down. And he wondered why it hurt so much to crutch about the place…
I find that yelling at doctors can sometimes do the world of good. For my frustration levels, if nothing else. It’s soothing. Although if I’m too sick to yell, I just kick them. Or the desk, if I’m feeling merciful.
May 6th, 2008 at 11:54 pm
PS. Hope you feel better soon, too.
May 7th, 2008 at 12:28 am
baaahaahaaa
He showed you how to rest! I’d have tipped his fucking chair over and trod on his head on my way out the door.
enjoy your rest
May 7th, 2008 at 1:04 am
Get well soon! You’ve got some good sense of humor!
May 7th, 2008 at 1:18 am
Geez. I hope you feel better after all of your resting.
May 7th, 2008 at 2:16 am
Perhaps you’ll need TWO weeks off … one for your illness and one to recover from seeing Dr. Slimey.
GAH!
May 7th, 2008 at 3:04 am
MY EYES! They burn… they ache… oh the uglyness of those “c****s”
And I hope you feel better soon, at least you get a sick note, to get one from my dr I think you would actually have to die in front of her. And even then she’d be all “Are you sure you aren’t fit to work/go to school/not die?”
May 7th, 2008 at 6:07 am
You do realize, of course, that your karma is not going to let yo get over this shit you’re suffering until such time as “I” am included on your blogroll. Or you send me a naked picture.
May 7th, 2008 at 7:05 am
OMW he sounds really creepy! At least you got some time off work
Hope you feel hundreds soon
May 7th, 2008 at 8:03 am
A week off work. How wonderful.
It’s a shame you have to waste it feeling sick…
May 7th, 2008 at 8:58 am
“Anyway, put me on biatch or I will go all Emo on you.”
Sound familiar??
I’m surprised you didn’t deck the creepy doc. But…are you SURE it isn’t asthma?
May 7th, 2008 at 9:41 am
Crap, I’m going to be serious for once. Don’t all die of shock.
If your breathing is laboured and painful, you need assistance to breathe. Get to a chemist, or get MPS to get off his ass and purchase a ventolin inhaler. In NSW, if you do not have a prescription, you need an Asthma card (which some pharmacies will slug you anywhere from $1-$4 for) I don’t know if you have this scheme in Victoria. Tell the pharmacist that your breathing is laboured and painful and they will sell you one. Don’t let the bastards try to fob you off with some liquid snake oil, it’s a Ventolin you want.
Take 2 puffs of the inhaler every four hours, and if your breathing is still laboured and painful after 24 hours, you need to seek medical advice (from a less sleazy doctor)
Doc Bollywood should have given you a bronchodilator to aid your breathing. Stupid asshat.
As for relaxation, yes, that’s important. Also, don’t be tempted to take any of the over the counter cold and flu medication, as they hinder the expression of mucus.
Steam helps (you can combine this with a good clean out of your pores) inhale some steam. It helps to open the airways. And when you sleep, try sleeping slightly elevated.
Get well soon, babe.
May 7th, 2008 at 9:48 am
1) i think i was married to your doctor once. stupid fucker.
2) i’m on your blogroll!!!!!! does that mean you love me now?
3) have you considered that it might be asthma?
May 7th, 2008 at 11:45 am
OMFG. what a brilliant arsehat. Next time stop by my place. I’ll mix you three chocolate martini’s and you won’t be in a lick of pain. xo.
May 7th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
Naomi: Yeah, brilliant. I will be a YouTube star like that stupid woman whose husband is divorcing her. But at least I had some kick arse heels on.
Bettina: Damn. Wish I thought of that. Would have been the perfect ending to the YouTube video eh?
J 4 Jokes: Well thankyou..
Ange: Funnily enough I haven’t been taking the arsehats advice. But the AB’s oh how I love thee.
Moo: *snort* nah, I can only imagine what is piling up on my desk… *shudder*
Kath: *snigger* I had a doc like that once. He died. Wonder if anyone wrote him a note?
Iceel: I have a boob shot that I sent to Fab. Will that do? (*snigger* checking to see if you read my comments in the comments, if you reply I will post the pic on my blog)
Jenty: Thanks babe, getting there..
Frogdancer: Sucks doesn’t it? Remember when I broke my toe? That was the first day of my holidays. All healed in time to go back to work.
Huckdoll: *snort* we can’t have both of us all Emo. Oh and bite me.
Anja: The over the counter stuff is a waste of time. I will pop into the chemist today. Thanks for the advice my lovely, I really appreciate it.
The planet of Janet: 1. LMAO 2. just a little and 3. Bite me.
Annie: MMMMM.. chocolate. MMMMM… martini…
May 7th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Dad is on his third lot of AB’s for pneumonia, The Spouse is brewing something nasty and keeps hacking up a lung, so they’re both off for chest xrays this arvo -I should send them up to you, you can all rest together
And they could drop off the furry clogs you sooooo obviously need to keep your tootsies warm *ducks* (don’t throw them at me!)
Yeah, rest…drum that word into Moo,Too and Boo, tell ‘em it’s practice for Mother’s Day to leave you to wheeze in peace
May 7th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
Blog groveling will commence tomorrow. Let me know if there is enough grovel.
May 7th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
Iceel,
hey, there’s a line for naked pictures, get to the back of the queue
Cheers, Andrew
May 7th, 2008 at 10:33 pm
Jayne: I won’t throw them at you. I will rectally insert them, remove and then stuff down your throat. Violently…
Marita: Oooooh exciting! I loves me some grovelling!
Andrew: *snigger*
May 7th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
I love you in a creepy way! The best kind because you are fabulous! And those Crocs made me throw up in my mouth!
May 8th, 2008 at 1:32 am
I ALWAYS check the comments. And I am willing to wait in line, as Andrew suggests. It’s YOUR karma, after all. And your naked picture.
May 8th, 2008 at 8:53 am
Alison: I loves me some creepy lovin’ that is the best sort.
Iceel: Damn you! I thought I was safe… I am a woman of my word. Goddammit!
May 8th, 2008 at 9:12 am
Sucking up starting…NOW! I wanna be on your blogroll. I put up a whole post all about you. Do I totally win the suck-up contest?
May 8th, 2008 at 10:50 am
*Feel better soon!*
You should’ve said to him:
“Mind getting up for a sec?”
and wheeled his chair out with you, after all if you are going to rest EXACTLY how he said, you’d be needing that chair!
G
xx
May 9th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Dutifully ooohing and aahing at your awesomeness. I had pneumonia once. I ended up in hospital with an IV in my arm and some really awesome drugs. I hope you are feeling much better really soon. Oh and rub vicks into the soles of your feet, then put socks on. Works a treat. Don’t know why.
Sheepskin lined clogs? Australia says NO!
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