Do. Not. Want.
Today I was at the local shopping centre. Mall for you non-Aussies.
Wandering around with my Boo, clutching coffee for me and juice for the tiny terrorist. A lovely way to kill time till we had to go and pick up Moo and Too from the train station and ferry Too to Karate.
I was innocently holding hands with my boy, wearing some gorgeous freaking shoes and sipping my cup of nectar of the Gods. We were chatting and deciding whether to get some groceries first or check out the toys in Kmart.
Then my innocent outing was shattered.
I will never EVER be the same again.
Oh the humanity people! Oh the horror! Oh the sheer tragedy of it all.
I am still shaking my lovelies. And I KNOW I will be having nightmares tonight.
Boo and I were wandering aimlessly as I said. But like the good little shoe whore that I am I was drawn towards the shoe stores. My steps slowed as I was sucked into the Pretty! and the Shiny! and the Oh. My. Gawd! There were a couple of customers in the store and I overheard a conversation.
‘Do you have Crocs?’ I shuddered at the thought.
‘No. But you can get them at *insert a local feral mecca down the road*’ replied the sales girl.
I am thankful that I don’t have to cross this store off my if-my-usual-place-of-shoe-worship-doesn’t-have-it list.
And then she said it.
Those words that would send chills down my spine. And leave me quaking in my fan-freaking-tastic heeled shoes.
‘This winter they are bringing out a fur lined version, you know like Uggs!’
What. The. Fucking. Fuck. Fuck???
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Please say it isn’t so. Please say I won’t be assaulted by the sight of the two most feral foot coverings on earth’s bastard child.
Google, please say this woman is delusional.
Please?
Fuck me dead.
At least they don’t come in white.
If you want me I will be rocking in the corner…
Popularity: 37% [?]
56 Responses to “Do. Not. Want.”
April 21st, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Sorry, I’m still stuck on:
The grammar nazi in me wants you to know there should be a comma there. The 12 yr old boy in me, who would one day grow to be a grammar nazi, wants you to know that sentence is funnier without the comma.
April 21st, 2008 at 9:33 pm
ps - The very existence of crocs validates everything jebus-anity says about the existence of true evil.
The fur-lined version verifies that, indeed, as according to the gospel of Little Nicky, true evil has a son… with a sense of humor.
April 21st, 2008 at 9:34 pm
No f’n way! I came from twitter, and my tummy was a bit fluttery..scared there would be a pic and I too would have to witness the horror.
I really think you need some sort warning on that picture!
April 21st, 2008 at 9:37 pm
For the love of all that is pure and holy….. NOOOOOOOOO
See? There IS no God, or she would have outlawed these monstrosities!
April 21st, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Oh these were out in Japan last year…for winter! One of my little students had some….and so did his dad. In matching colours. It was beyond wrong!
I don`t have crocs…I hope to god I never have the displeasure!
April 21st, 2008 at 9:56 pm
LOL
I’ve always figured that crocs would maybe be useful for wandering through the water on stonefish-infested beaches, and not much else. So now I’m picturing some poor sucker wading round in fake-sheepskin-lined crocs, getting waterlogged, and ending up washed up on some beach in California.
But some would say that’s divine retribution.
April 21st, 2008 at 9:57 pm
With all that fur, I bet they burn really well…..
April 21st, 2008 at 10:24 pm
4fthawaiian: Arsehat. Tiny tiny little arsehat. Shaking my lovelies at you, you bastard.
Leigh: Well no one warned me that a little shopping trip with my baby would end in terror, so suck it up babe.
Goaldeebug: Or perhaps it is a cunning plan. The Goddess is good at that shit. All those owing these monstrosities will be struck down on the day of reckoning…
Lulu: Winter ‘fashions’ are now hitting the stores here. Wonder what people will wear them with? *shudder*
Naomi: Their bloated bodies matching perfectly the blue hue of the second pair.
Grateful Guy: But the plastic! The fumes from that sorta crap has gotta be hazardous. Like worse than those cheese flavoured puff things people chuck down their kids throats..
April 21st, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Ok I admit to wearing crocs - ONLY in the GARDEN.
Not, never,no how, aint happening, shant,can’t, won’t wear them beyond the front gate.
The only good thing about the fur-lined version is if it’s mafia possum fur…and then I’m nailing it to the shed door!
April 21st, 2008 at 11:03 pm
OH THE SHAME!!
I think even I’m cool enough to pull this off though Kelley…
http://mrsfancypants.wordpress.com/2008/04/15/a-growing-experiment/
and POW…
http://mrsfancypants.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/confession-time/
(sorry
)
April 21st, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Oh they are quite real and quite ugly! They are all the rage here and it’s quite sad, really. I don’t understand the desire to spend money on something so hideously ugly!
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:00 am
I went to our workroom one afternoon recently, and one of the girls there was wearing a pair of crocs. I commented “Good luck with that ugly shoe competition, you’re in with a good chance!”
She looked at me hurt and replied ‘But they’re comfortable”
“So are my Cookie Monster jammies, but I dont wear THOSE to work!”
Oh, I see that the punctuation Nazi has struck!
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:00 am
They should market them as Fuggs, because they’re so fugly.
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:19 am
interesting. I’m sure they’ll go well with that other fashion misfit the stirrup pant *shudders*
You deserve a freakin community service award for warning us of this horror Kell!
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:19 am
Oh and I don’t give a shit about your punctuation
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:24 am
CRAP! I forgot me derogatory comments about crocs as I was reading the comments. I…love…cheesy poofs! But I look at it this way, the more preservatives I put into my monstrosity of a body, the longer I’ll live. I’m shooting for the ripe old age of 143.
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:50 am
Ick.
That is all!
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:56 am
You’re so jealous because I live about 20 minute from where Crocs are made. I have 6 pairs. Mary Janes, canvas cross overs, the regular ones AND furry ones.
Waiting for your approval, heeeee!
April 22nd, 2008 at 1:38 am
I saw these in Tokyo when I was there a couple of months ago, but thought they were some sort of weirdarse Japanese variant on crocs. But no, I saw them in a shop at our local mall in Canberra only the weekend before last.
April 22nd, 2008 at 2:22 am
Oh ICK! I’m so with you on this. I imagine them in red for Christmas too - and Santa. Jeebus. SO. WRONG.
April 22nd, 2008 at 3:36 am
Oh they are going to wear them with mini oselot skirts of course!!!
or maybe some fluro bikepants!
They might as well go all out!
April 22nd, 2008 at 3:46 am
But…but..that is what I was going to get you for your birthday…
April 22nd, 2008 at 4:47 am
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Just when you think crocs can’t get any worse.
April 22nd, 2008 at 4:53 am
Oh, I’ve seen them over here… we have already been inflicted. I would not be seen dead in them.
And I don’t think much of Uggs either, though I was behind a woman on the escalators today and she was taking the rip out of the person in front of her, because she insisted they had fake uggs on, and she had the real mccoy on. (Her exact phrase.) So the woman in front of her looked the same amount of prat for a eighth of the price she did. I think the real loser is clear there…
April 22nd, 2008 at 5:25 am
Ha ha ha. I have the pink ones!!! I’m blending them with my 1978 disco platforms too! Then, I’m gonna put some Nike shocks on them and a fold out wheel that lights up when I move. Oh, and I can insert my ipod on the tongue so I know exactly how many steps I walk to the bathroom each day. Awesome! I’ll be the talk of the town! Ha ha ha
April 22nd, 2008 at 6:21 am
Interesting, my very own MIL has a pair, but with the furry shit.
Why do they sell them with furry shit in hotter-than -hell-and-marginally-less-well-mannered Australia and without furry whatsit in gale ridden Ireland?
April 22nd, 2008 at 6:25 am
Oh my God, I have to step in and defend my ugly as all hell fuzzy Crocs. They are warm (which is damned important to me because my feet are so far from the rest of me and they’re always cold), they’re comfy, and I don’t give a rat’s ass that they’re the ugliest shoe on God’s green earth.
That said, I’m probably going to have to stop wearing them. Damned kids flattened out my tootsies while I was pregnant. But I love Crocs, my sons love Crocs…like girl, I live some 20 minutes from Crocs’ HQ. They’re big here. Don’t knock ‘em til you’ve slipped on a pair. 
April 22nd, 2008 at 6:34 am
Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings Kelley, but they were sold all over the place in Israel this winter. They weren’t all that popular though I must admit, and no, I don’t own a pair. They were a bit too skeevy even for this self-declared croc-lovin’ chick.
*ducking*
April 22nd, 2008 at 6:56 am
nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!
make it stop!
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:53 am
I have to confess…I’d probably choke the owner of said fugly shoes if I ever saw a Canadian wearing a pair of useless shoes like that.
Regular crocs were bad enough.
But the fur lined ones are just insulting.
Now I’ve got to go look at some filth or something equally attrocious to get this image out of my head.
Thanks.
April 22nd, 2008 at 8:40 am
My sister has been wearing them for years. Says they’re SO comfortable. Mty Mum has arthritic feet and loves her crocs.
Me? I’ll pass, thanks.
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:06 am
There you have it … photographic evidence. The end IS near.
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:33 am
In 5-10 years time these people are going to want to shoot themselves in the head for wearing this kind of stuff. And yet they STILL do it. I have to admit I do like uggies (for slippers) but HATE crocs. And this certainly doesn’t make them any BETTER in my mind.
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:09 am
Crocs will become the treads of the noughties. Remember those those things like mini tractors on your feet in the late 70’s early 80’s (or am I just too damn old?)
Either way, it’s all so, so, so wrong.
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:14 am
Oh yes, they have been around for almost a year here. They are called Mammoths, maybe because they make your feet look like a woolly mammoth ate them or something.
I don’t wear crocs. My boss would kill me.
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:31 pm
I actually kind of like them for the kids. Hides their filthy feet better than sandals!
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:47 pm
I like them.
*Ducks. Covers head. Runs away.*
April 22nd, 2008 at 4:05 pm
EWWWWWWWWWWWW. just ew. I detest those things. A girl at work wears bright pink crocs with a lime green shirt and I want to smack her.
And tiny terrorist???? lmao.
You crack me up. daily. Love your blog!!!!!
April 22nd, 2008 at 6:25 pm
*whispers in shame* I like my crocs. A lot. They are extremely comfortable. Yes, they are butt ugly, but, you know what? *shouts* I DON’T CARE! I AM NOT ASHAMED! Although I probably should be
I don’t want a furry pair, but they probably look marginally better than the crocs-with-socks I have seen!
April 22nd, 2008 at 6:52 pm
I’ve seen those fur lined crocs for several weeks now in the window of a sports clothing store that I pass on my way to work. This morning while walking past I noticed they’ve been replaced by a boot version. Look a bit like rain boots for X-large kids. They’d be handy for gardening in.
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Shit. That’s just frigging sick.
Why not just wear a t-shirt that says “I’m a fugly skank with no taste”
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Jayne: So you are just a garden variety feral then. Figures…
Mrs Fancypants: TWO links? Cheeky biatch.
Alison: I have no idea what they cost, and I don’t want to. It hurts me to look at them…
Goaldeebug: Bwaaaa haaaa haaaaa!!! You go girl!
Witchypoo: Brilliant. You are a marketing genius!
Bettina: As you know it pained me to google and link. Thanks for appreciating the agony I go through for you biatches.
Queen Goob: And now you will be known as Cartman…
Marilyn: Well said. I wish I could be so suscinct.
Girl: Shit girl, you are making it reeeeal hard to love you. First the whole feedreader fucking up and now this?
Ian: So they are here??? The virus has infiltrated our borders? Where is fucking border security when you need em? Bloody drugs and stuff. There are more important dangers to be watching for!
Karen: OK, now I am rocking faster. THEY WILL NOT RUIN CHRISTMAS FOR ME!
Lulu: *falls into a dead faint* Say it isn’t so!
Mr Fabulous: Make sure you measure your sphincter capacity first cause that is where they are going.
Guera: I know! I mean, shit, you can bedazzle the bastards…
Kath: Bwaaaaa haaaaa haaaaaa! Oh I couldn’t have stood by and not commented on that. High fashion feral?
VE: You sick bastard. Hang on, you already know that.
Xbox4NappyRash: Methinks people that buy them don’t have the ability to tell time let alone dress themselves for the weather..
Jen: See the above comment. Take off the Crocs and raise your IQ! *snigger*
Robin: Ditto for you too. Just not as bad seeing you didn’t get the ugg version.
The planet of Janet: It is so terrifying isn’t it. Next they will bring back legwarmers… What? NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Redneck Mommy: You are most welcome. I am all about sharing the horror.
Frogdancer: I would rather go barefoot.
Maternal Mirth: *snort* well said. Just waiting for the plague of locusts wearing fur lined crocs…
Lightening: What like eighties hair? *gaffaw*
Suze: Yeah, old. I didn’t have them, but my old old husband did. I wore *shudder* desert boots…
Gina: Your boss has good taste.
Meg: Just wash their freaking feet! No excuses here woman. They are the devil spawn.
Hilary: Death wish much? Run, woman, run. You can’t hide you know. I am on my way over there…
Ann: Smootches. I loves me some groveling. And that woman? Tragic.
Tracey: Coming after you too. INTERVENTION!!!!
River: You say WHAT??? No. No. NO. NO!!!!
Anja: Yeah baby!
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:06 am
Yes but our zucchinis so rock
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:33 am
This is me. Vomiting.
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:52 am
You MEANT it without the comma, right? I mean, I can just SEE you shaking your lovelies. In anger. Like some people would shake their fist. Only FAR more intimidating.
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:59 am
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I’m dying!
Those things are the ugliest crap I’ve EVER SEEN! Good Lord, I thought the regular ones were bad…
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:00 am
crocs…ahhhhh! You should see the nightmarish platform sandals they’re releasing for summer. I’ll have to find the link and shoot it your way.
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:58 am
I sit here in my Ugg Boots. I needed a replacement, and guess what they will be. Be not too afriad they never leave my property. Was going to say house, however i do make many a trip to the mail box or car in them
Sorry love, but Furry lined anything has got me hooked.
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:28 am
Um, so that would be pink for the girls and blue for the boys huh ??
Gotta admit, I do not understand the attraction.
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:01 am
haha. I LOVE them, but our winter is done. I didn’t get any… I saw them too late in the season.
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:10 am
OMG the horror! The humanity.
Gag.
I finally gave into nagging from my small peoples and got them a pair of crocs each for summer. The rule is they are NEVER worn past our front door, inside the house, in the backyard, fine I will tolerate that. But not in public.
Thankfully both kindergartens have banned them.
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:34 am
Jayne: Despite your footwear.
Jenny: Right beside ya.
Iceel: *snort* and the guys are all about the boobs and not the footwear… figures.
Sensitiva: They are beyond ugly. The word has yet to be coined to encompass the ugliness of these monstrosities.
Amanda: Never mind. My brain would explode. I actually saw the wedge heeled sandaly ones a couple of months back. AND they were $80!!!!!
Amy: *shakes head in sadness* and I thought I liked you… gotta make it hard for me dontcha?
Widdle Shamrock: *body completely shaking in boggleness* GUYS would wear them???????
Absurdist: Hopefully you are just being absurd. Please tell me you are k?
Marita: I find it insane that people think that they are appropriate footwear for kids at kinder! Idiots.
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Quote from an article from the Daily Mash - mentioned on the “I Hate Crocs dot com” blog (can’t get to the actual article on the Daily Mash though)
“WEARING Crocs shoes will transform you from a normal adult into a horribly self-satisfied and “self-consciously whacky tosser”, leading doctors warned last night.”
Do not have any myself but they are supposed to be comfy and I go for comfy these days. At my age I would probably look like a whacky tosser though. I would wear them to the beach - definitely not with the fur!
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Kell, the crocs save me from the slug guts
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Shoes say a lot about how a person feels about sex at any given time.
Any owner of these is saying: I plan to never be laid again.
April 25th, 2008 at 2:22 am
Crocks. Very popular here but that doesn’t stop me and Mr BC from looking at them in amazement and thinking “yes, these people actually dressed themselves this morning. they are wearing those of their own volition.”
Worse, the canker has taken hold in my family. My brother wears them exactly the same as pictured, in all bar colour - his are khaki but the sheepskin lining is all there - and in a size 13.
I burn in shame.
He asked me if I would like a pair and I told him that when I turn into Minnie Mouse it would be peachy. Luckily he understands sarcasm.
Cheers
BC
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