Moo is a princess.
And has TWENTY tiara’s to prove it.
Yes, my lovelies, we found 20 tiara’s stashed in that hell hole.
This morning I was woken by Boo telling me that it is the 19th day of April.
‘What the fuck to I care? Really Boo? That is nice, now mummy needs more sleep’
‘Yes. Today we go to Subway’
You see on the 25th of February he decided we were going to Subway for dinner. Then when we got there he changed his mind and told me that we were going on Saturday the 19th of April.
I was like yeah whatever and what the fuck are we going to have for dinner now cause I hadn’t planned anything.
Well it seems I forgot, seeing it was freaking MONTHS away and this morning he woke me early to remind me.
Yeah, fab. That is all I need today.
I stumbled out of bed, threw on some clothes and started in on Moo’s room again. You see we needed it empty before MOTY arrived cause there would be ranting and raving and gnashing of teeth and I would be forced to bite my lip lest I punch her in the solar plexus.
The bed arrived with much fanfare and back patting and MOTY took pride of place sitting in the fucking doorway while Moo and I put the bastard together. Considered sarcastically asking her if she would like me to rub her feet or crochet her a little rug to keep her lap warm, but thought better of it seeing she would probably take me up on the offer.
We get all the boxes empty and sit down with the instructions. This is what is written on the front.
Ho Bed.
My mother bought my daughter a bed called a Ho. A fucking lady of the night bed. Yeah, fab.
Moo and I roll around the floor laughing. MOTY doesn’t get the joke. Of course.
So we rile her up a bit by calling the screwy doo-dads ‘penii’ and the washer screw thingies ‘gonads’. She of the no-idea- down-there was non-plussed. We were in some serious pain from the hysterics.
‘Pass me a gonad baby girl’
‘Hey mummy I need a couple of penii!’
*snigger*
Anyway we got the bed up after 4 hours and lots of bitching, wailing, gnashing of teeth and tears of laughter and frustration at the obvious English-is-a-second-language instructions.
Ta Da!
A two thousand dollar bed.
Yeah, I was all Meh too. But Moo loves it. And MOTY has now crowned herself GrandMOTY.
Yeh, I am all Meh about that too.
So then we all jump in the shower, at separate times of course, and go to Subway.
Order, Boo has a screaming meltdown that sends the patrons of the place scattering and the workers to mop the blood that is streaming from their ears with a nice 6 inch Italian Herb sub, eat and return home to finish off.
At 9.45 we are finished. The rest of the place is a bomb but Moo is happy.
A during all the commotion, the cleaning and tossing, the shopping lists of new desk and bedding and OMG-look-I-have-20-tiara’s, Boo went missing.
I couldn’t find him any where.
I ran around the house in a mad panic and then spied a foot sticking out from under a doona on Moo’s old mattress on the floor in the lounge.
It was Boo. Fast asleep, exhausted.
Can I get a AWWWWWWW!!!
(I tried to post this last night but my blog was not happy for being so neglected by me lately and was being an arsehat. And a bastard. And a fucking temperamental Diva. Hopefully it has worked this morning!)
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31 Responses to “Moo is a princess.”
April 20th, 2008 at 11:57 am
LMAO, The adventures of the Penii, Gonad and the Ho bed..and she seriously had no idea? Did she find you in the cabbage patch?
I must admit, I was probably expecting a little more for a $2000 bed. Like an LCD screen popping out of the foot or something. Hope sharp things don’t fall off an attack her while she is sleeping *hehe*
How come no one else got a bed?
April 20th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Here’s a project for you. Can we see that room again in a month? Tell Boo to remember that… he will.
Two thousand freakin’ dollars for a bed. Shit. I was expecting a fanfare of oiled greek gods to put it together for that amount of money, not an over-rated Ikea that is called “Ho”
April 20th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Any time I put up flat pack furniture from now on, I’m going to be giggling about holding penii in my hand.
Yes, I turn 16 today (I wish!).
April 20th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Leigh: As I have said before my mother is a delicate soul, not versed in the wicked ways of the world
And yeah, the bed is rather underwhelming isn’t it?
Anja: *snort* you should see it this morning! *sigh*
Grateful Guy: *snigger* and Happy Birthday to my favourite grateful guy *smootch*
April 20th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
That is one fabulous Ho bed. And I love the term ‘peni’.
April 20th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
I do love that doona (I’m assuming that’s some sort of comforter/blanket/warmer thingie, ‘cuz othewise, y’know, blush!). $2000? Must be Aussie dollars, right?
Holy shit. That’s $1858.39 American Dollars. And our dollars suck! Must be one special girl.
Oh, wait. She’s yours. Of course she’s special.
April 20th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
That is QUITE the bed!!
Definitely an awwwwweeeee moment at boo asleep on the floor!
April 20th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
what a bed but $2000 - I would have expected more too at least some hunky guys to erect it too.
I am glad you told us you all got in the shower separately …
aww on Boo being asleep … can we have a picture?
what a memory that kid has.
April 20th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Amanda: Yes, it rolls off the tongue rather nicely doesn’t it? *snigger*
Ree: Not quite as fabulous as me, mind. Diva in training… and a doona is a comforter thingy.
Alison: He looked so cute all wrapped up in his doona and one dirty foot sticking out…
Trish: Damn! I forgot to take one!
April 20th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
I’m glad that you got the room clear before your mum turned up. Because you know that it wouldn’t be Moo’s fault the room was messy…. oh no!
2K for the bed? If I was Moo I think I’d rather have the money…
April 20th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Heyyyy… time-lapse photography! Take a photo of Moo’s room at the same time each day, turn it into a video to play at her 18th or 21st…
Awwwwwww over Boo asleep on the mattress… but I must admit I was expecting him to be underneath it
April 20th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
And just think - you get to play with gonads and penii all over again when Too’s bed rocks up on your doorstep, you feelthy woman
April 20th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
That is a great looking bed - wonder how long it will stay looking so purdy??
20 tiaras! Don’t tell me the princess obsession lasts till they are 16!!!!
April 20th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
Frogdancer: Don’t you know it! She would be all ‘Oh Kelley, how do you let things get like this..’
Naomi: What a great idea! And even more bizarre is he went to sleep on his own without me having to sit with him and repeat ‘go to sleep’ till my throat is hoarse and my ears bleed.
Jayne: *gaffaw* yeah baby!
Guera: Um, longer. But now I have graduated from princess to Empress.
April 20th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
I’m still laughing over the HO3 bed. I bet if I showed this to hubby he’d buy me one, with high hopes…
April 20th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Hey Possum
Is this typical of MOTY - this rather selective bestowment? Is Too asking “me Too”?
April 20th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
So thats what a $2000 bed looks like. Pretty enough but you could get the same effect with a divan, a tall bookshelf and a bucket of paint. Still, it doesn’t pay to look a gift horse in the mouth, she was obviously happy to buy it and Moo is happy with it. Is Too’s bed going to be identical? Or will you have to figure out another set of ESL instructions? Don’tcha just LOVE those? Here’s hoping Boo has many more putting self to sleep episodes.
April 20th, 2008 at 8:13 pm
wow… I’ve never seen a $2000 bed. It’s cute but she so coulda got something just as good for less (or better!) lol
So long as Moo likes it that’s the main thing eh?
and wow… what a lot of tiaras!
April 20th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
I love that name and I love the bed. Still not quite sure how it equals $2000 but it is pretty awesome. Feeling like some Subway now on this 20th day of April.
April 20th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
LOVE your blog …you are hilarious! And …I want a bed like that!!!!!
April 21st, 2008 at 12:46 am
That cost $2000 bucks?
It’s a freakin bed with a drawer and a bookcase for a bedhead for crying out loud. I coulda put that together for 1/4 of the price! lol
Hey nice floor!
April 21st, 2008 at 1:18 am
Lovely thing for Mumsie to do….
Kids these days, no shagging gratitude
April 21st, 2008 at 2:00 am
LMAO @ the ho, gonads and penii - not to mention it all going over MOTY’s head
I see what you mean by a long story (Subway).
“AWWWWWWW!!!” - very sweet about Boo.
April 21st, 2008 at 6:25 am
LQTM at the ho,gonads and penii… I’m saving that for the next time my aunt goes Ikea mad
Wouldn’t go over anyone in my family’s heads though, we’re all filthy minded.
April 21st, 2008 at 9:47 am
Huckdoll: With a gift certificate to the local adult store I expect.
JodieOdie: Too’s is on its way.
River: Too’s bed is completely different. Perhaps a biatch bed or toerag bed? Hmmm the mind boggles.
Marilyn: Yeah I was all meh about it. Was expecting much more, but she loves it.
Missy: Tough. You are a day late. No Subway for you.
Coffee Slut: And I love your name!
Bettina: Yes it is a rather nice floor. Who knew?
Xbox4NappyRash: *snort* bite me.
Meg: And then he woke at 4am. So the awwwwww turned to bastard-child-go-to-freaking-sleep!
Kath: Look forward to hearing all about that! With pictures and diagrams.
April 21st, 2008 at 1:13 pm
I love the bed. Underwhelming is the new modern, clean design.
But I’m happy I have boys. They like futons on the floor. It’s easier for them to snuggle with their dirty laundry that way.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:14 pm
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW and OMG I just laughed so hard at the description of putting the bed together, I think I need new underpants (you know, bladder control is not what it once was and all that).
April 22nd, 2008 at 5:38 am
Kelley: How is it that you and your Mum are some completely unalike? AAAWWWW, Boo. GGGGOOOOOOO Roo! And roo, I’d really like to be able to see the floor a week from now. Seriously. I’m going to ask your Mum to post a pic. And if I can’t see the floor …… (I can tell, she really feels threatened now).
April 22nd, 2008 at 6:55 am
wow. that is a bed.
with stuff in it.
and seriously, you just.can’t.have too many tiaras, you know….
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:48 am
That’s an awesome bed. My son has one like it, and I have to warn you. It’s made no impact whatsoever on his ability to store things. He prefers the floor. The drawers are all empty, with the exception of an inch of pet hair.
April 30th, 2008 at 11:46 am
WHY is it that instructions are always so janky? How ridiculous … but what a fab result.
A girl never can get too many tiaras …
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