Arsehats everywhere.
Such a wonderful word that. So descriptive. And man, they were some ugly arsed hats too. All bedazzled and shit.
Major Arsehattyness.
First arsehat of the day would be MPS. Late for the fucking bus again. Throwing my whole day out of whack when I have to chase a fucking bus almost to the next town. Doing my bit for the environment (MPS and the girls catch public transport) fucking sucks methane producing donkeys rectums.
White fedora arsehat for you my bed buddy. Or is that couch sleeper…
Things started to go a bit smoothly, seems I let my guard down for a while. Enter arsehat number two.
I run a large Autism support group in the seconds I have spare in the day. In the time I should be flossing or exercising or ‘learning to love myself’ or somesuch. And our ‘meetings’ are once a month. It is a group for PARENTS of CHILDREN diagnosed with ASD and their cousins. NOT a meeting for ADULTS with ASPERGERS to come and expect me to teach them social skills, get them jobs and supports in learning endeavors. The adults with Aspergers are not the arsehats in this scenario, the psychologist that swears to me black and blue when I call him and rip him a new arse that he doesn’t send these people to me.
The psychologist that is in a different area causing me to call long distance rates to rip his arsehole a cylindrical friend. Hmmmm, funny how every time a get a call or someone turns up at one of these meetings they have just been to see this guy and just HAPPEN to know who I fucking am.
A mustard brown fez covered in rhinestones and peacock feathers. Cause you need some cockhead with that arsehat you bastard.
Someone who will remain unnamed, blogged about me today. Whinging and whining that I haven’t put her on my blogroll yet. Sooky la la-ing all over the internets and her biatches going all ‘what is a magneto bold too anyway’ and shit. And then she had her geeky psychic biatch weighing in on the whining about moi and I wanted to jump on my broom and go and slap them both around the head.
See this:
This is the IN PROGRESS blogroll. I need TIME to make it purdy and shit. Cause you would go all whiny and sooky and ‘oh but my name is not purdy enough Kelley! It is just a link! What sort of joint are you running here? Fucking bloggers that don’t love on their peeps, I am going to go pour myself a huge glass of Dooce‘
Well fuck off. Well for a minute, and then come back cause I sorta kinda like you. But don’t tell anyone OK, cause they might think that I am nice and kind and shit again and that sorta reputation is fucking HARD to live down you know.
I had to shout at a cute widdle puppy and poke a kitty in the eye to get back my crown. And I broke a nail in the process.
Yeah, I know. The things I do for you people.
So you and you get an arsehat today too. It can be a cute one though, first offense and all that. But I have been emailing back and forth with you biatches all day and I am getting tired of abusing you.
Boo gets his own fecal painted arsehat to match the fecal mural beside the toilet after refusing to let me wipe his arse, I turned for a minute to admire my hair and he did a little sphincter diving.
And the final arsehat goes to MPS. First and last for the day.
I hate drop ins. I despise it when someone just drops in. Despite the fact that it drives Boo absolutely bat shit crazy, I am not fond of it either. I have an image to maintain people, and it ain’t sitting on my arse, laptop on my ample lapage, braless, and sucking down a family block of chocolate, bucket of latte or bottle of wine. Or like today being out of the house ALL DAY and the house trashed by Mr Nobody. Got me some fabulous hair cutting action from Sebastian the Wonder Hairdresser and Moo got her learners permit - Go Moo! - and did some therapeutic shoe drooling in between all the other errands. So the housework was a big huge Meh today.
And then the fucker invites a workmate over. Without warning me. I walked in the lounge to find this guy sitting there. MPS is all ‘this is my lovely wife’ and I am all ‘Hi, howz it going excuse me I have to go and wipe my sons arse’ and shooting a fucking death stare in MPS’s direction and he is groveling with the ‘I love you honey’ and I am all ‘bite me you fucking arsehat…’
So he can add that arsehat to his growing collection. Hope they keep him warm while he is sleeping on the couch tonight.
Arsehat. Such a wonderful word.
Popularity: 42% [?]
44 Responses to “Arsehats everywhere.”
April 17th, 2008 at 12:08 am
Wow.
That is all I have to say. In fact, I’m a little bit scared to do anything other than make protestations of adoration of your munificent arsehat-giving presence.
April 17th, 2008 at 12:22 am
[…] Reading some interesting blogs this morning. Ahem. […]
April 17th, 2008 at 12:43 am
I don’t want to be an asshat. Note to self, don’t make a whiney blog post about not being on said blogroll… got it. HEEEE. Also, do not drop into Kelley’s house. Check, got it.
Smooches dude
April 17th, 2008 at 12:47 am
Paranoid person that I am, when I saw the title in my reader, I thought, “Oh Christ, what have I done now?” Thank the Goddess, it wasn’t me!! I Luv you.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:04 am
You should set up a business making asshats for people who are asshats to wear………… You’d make a bloody fortune!
April 17th, 2008 at 1:30 am
You have totally made the word arsehat your own, Kel. The definition in urban dictionary should have a link to your blog.
As for people bitching about you on their blog - what is with that? I say take her off the blogroll for that.
On the plus side, she said you’re famous! W00t!
Now, better go check what you said about your blogroll. Bit scared I have forgotten to do something with that….
April 17th, 2008 at 1:31 am
As a Canadian, I much prefer arsehat to the more vulgar asshat. But? I am a code-bestowing arsehat. And I’m thinking on the button thingie. Even though I have a subscribe link at the bottom of each and every post. Oh, you make me tired. But what do you expect from someone who calls their child Ass Burger Boy?
April 17th, 2008 at 1:39 am
I am so happy that I didn`t `DEMAND` to be on your blogroll now! I was going to but then didn`t! Thank god for that! Would hate to piss you off!
Until I read your blog I had never even hear of the word arsehat! So for me, it is your word!
I hope tomorrow brings you a day without arsehats!
Hugs and shit!
April 17th, 2008 at 1:40 am
Mmmm yeah, like I needed a fucking reason to NOT call round….
April 17th, 2008 at 2:18 am
What a worry! Is the tall poppy syndrome alive and kicking? It’s a frigging blogroll FFS - I would seriously recommend someone gets a life.
Hope tomorrow is arsehat free (and no, I hadn’t heard that term BK (Before Kelley) either).
April 17th, 2008 at 2:36 am
I’m apparently an idiot, but I can’t even find your blogroll, let alone complain about whether I’m on it or not.
I’m just going to continue along in my happy shiny world and assume that my name is right there in lights, with lots of bolds and exclamation marks and expressions of wonder at my incredibleness and shit like that.
April 17th, 2008 at 2:39 am
I had an arsehat. I used to wear it when it would rain but the rain always ran down through the crack and I couldn’t see. Also, the hats smell if you don’t keep them clean…
April 17th, 2008 at 3:42 am
Ok…suddenly I’m not feeling so compliant.
Maybe we should just call it a day here.
April 17th, 2008 at 3:51 am
Ass or arse hat, I really don’t care, I just love that word! As other people have said, thanks for introducing me to the wonders of the ass/arsehat
And your screenshot makes me jealous (In a good way)… I soo want a Mac
Glad you got a nice haircut
April 17th, 2008 at 3:54 am
umm…. /hug?
April 17th, 2008 at 6:27 am
A fecal-painted arsehat? I am so jealous.
April 17th, 2008 at 8:39 am
Asshat is my preferred term.
But girl, you are sexy when you are bitchy.
I likey.
April 17th, 2008 at 9:33 am
I need some of your arsehattedness thrown to a few of the doctors around here. I’m sorry there is so much of it going on around your neck of the woods.
Hoping for a much better day for you and that you get some rest.
Just so you know, we love you. Just as you are
April 17th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Greatful Guy: Glad I have you well trained…
Girl: Smootches back atcha, you will be on it. All in good time my pretty.
Iceel: *snort* see your wife has you well trained!
Bettina: But they will be the more tasteful ‘arsehats’ as apposed to the more vulgar ‘asshats’ I could call it ‘Kelley’s magnificent arsehattery’
Guera: Glad I have you running scared, now do my bidding biatch.
Witchypoo: I am with you and the ‘arse’. And Arse Burger Boy? Fabulous! We have a guy here in Oz that is rather well known and he stands up at conferences with his baby blue sash, long socks and super short shorts and exclaims ‘I am a man with Arseburgers’ he is awesome.
Lulu: ‘Hugs and shit’, ooooh I am so proud of you.
Xbox4NappyRash: But you need to come and collect your 10 gallon arsehat…
Meg: It was all in good fun reciprocal arse kicking. And BK - Before Kelley - now I am a Goddess and shit.
Robin: Oooh you are channeling me and I like it! The blogroll is ‘Stalking my Stalkers’ will have to mark it clearly for the more snark impaired methinks.
VE: But you always have a ready source of finger paint.
Candy: bwaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaaa! I told you I would get you.
Kath: I love my Mac. She is purdy and white and I would marry her if same sex marriages were allowed in this arsehat of a country. Her name is Mia.
Marilyn: *snort* good answer.
Amanda: with the added benefit of never having to announce your presence in a room. The smell does that for you.
Redneck Mommy: Unfortunately MPS doesn’t feel that way. But then he is an arsehat…
Tiff: How about a couple of arsehat beanies, then you can keep them in your bag to fling at them.
April 17th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
makes me glad i was all humble-like about not being worthy of blogrolldom (yet)
and arsehat is my new favorite word.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Arsehat, asshat, it’s all too beautiful. And so much easier to say than “you can pull your foreskin over your head and whistle down your prick”
April 17th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Hugs to you my lovely.
Hope today is going better.
xxx
April 17th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
11.5 from the Okie judge… Girl!, that was one fine rant, there!
Arsehat, arsehat, arsehat, arsehat. I just love saying it. Hubby (from the UK) says it all the time… I have a hard time gettin’ my tongue around it, is all (ooh, that could be a tag line for some xxx movie, couldn’t it???)
Hope life (and MPS!) starts treatin’ ya a little better.
Admiringly,
April 17th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
A bit of googling uncovered the disgruntled blogger you eluded to. Grats Kelley, on being famous. I hadn’t realised you were such a star. Go you girl.
Also grats on being an “Aussie Pain in the Arse”.
Hadn’t realised that either. Obviously knew you were Aussie - it’s the PITA bit that’s new information.
Something rather inviting about being an Aussie PITA. I want to be one too!
Well I tried. Damn internet commercial for Outback Steakhouse. With some “Aussie” voiceover. Except he distinctly said ERBS. Aussies surely say HERBS. So in the spirit of being an Aussie PITA, I sent them an email telling them.
yeah. that’ll learn em real good.
April 17th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
You know, you haven’t been to my blog in, like, TWO WHOLE DAYS. I have no idea if I am on your blogroll, but I’ll assume I’m not. You’re such a MEANIE. How could you do this to me? *sob sob wail*
(Sarcastic, of course.)
You had me at cup o’ Dooce.
April 17th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
You should be handing out those arsehats with a big cup of Shut The F**k Up while waving your Fecal Wand ( toothbrush Boo borrowed )
April 17th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
The Planet of Janet: Hmmm, wonder if the big bloggers get such a hard time and have such arse whooping readers???
Anja: You have such a beautiful turn of phrase..
Angel: Nah, every day is full of arsehats, you should know that.
Jodie: Ooooh I like hearing you say it over and over and over…
JodieOdie: Sorry babe, I did link to the post further down! Would have saved you a shit load of googling!
Mr Lady: *passes her an arsehat* Hmmm, just spent the day visiting everyone who commented in the last 3 posts and no Mr Lady… I visit my regular commentors first. Guess you will just have to visit ME more often then? Bwaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa
April 17th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Jayne: Bwaaaaa haaaa haaaaaaa!!!! I say ‘how about a nice warm cup of Shut the Fuck up?’ to MPS all the time! Tre awesome that you say it too!
April 17th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
hey Kell
Given state of mind, maybe you’d enjoy the movie Idiocracy.
April 17th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
The whole thing was, as Kelly said, all in fun, reciprocal arse kicking. I enjoyed it, but I do think a few commenters missed the boat on this one.
Kelly: It looks like you have people ready to defend you at the drop of an arsehat. Don’t they realize that you enjoy doing it yourself?
I don’t feed the trolls, but I’m totally behind some arse kicking.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:37 am
wow, you were having a bad day.
Now I feel all bad for snarking at you the other day. I mean, who the hell am I, anyway?
Love the hat descriptions … very clever.
April 18th, 2008 at 2:26 am
You just eeked out of the way of a nasty post about your blogroll…I was going to rip you…seriously….HAH…no…I don’t think so. I mean what with all of the FREE TIME you have, you really should have this done already! Get on that!
LURVE YOU
April 18th, 2008 at 2:51 am
tee hee
I don’t “pimp my blog” and read a very few (had to limit due to my obsessive nature), so I think I am like on 2 blog rolls. Never mind since I barely have time to write anymore.
I do love me some Kelley though.
April 18th, 2008 at 5:16 am
Oh my God, woman. You make me laugh. Love the kickin’ ass and taking names attitude.
You know, I used to read this blog back in the olden days. Last July and stuff
Glad to be back.
April 18th, 2008 at 5:44 am
Asshat (stateside here) is the most versatile and hilariously insulting word ev-ah! Lovelovelove that word!
April 18th, 2008 at 6:28 am
I’m tiptoeing around. Don’t smack me.
April 18th, 2008 at 8:57 am
Oh I hate drop ins too! Especially those who show up for meals
I totally clicked on the arsehat links thinking they were me!
April 18th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Ha! My arsehat got kicked to the couch last night for being a total ass about me going back to work. Anybody that calls me lazy and tries to guilt trip me into going back to work can suck balls! I mean really, have a rational conversation about it, not some emotional crapfest. Jebus, who is the woman here, I ask?!
April 18th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Drop-ins NEVER come over when everything is settled, do they? And I do love the word - it’s so… appropriate, somehow.
April 18th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Can I borrow an Arsehat for Mr. Hot? Please? You know I’d never, ever bitch about you. But it’s either that or borrow Boo for a few days.
April 18th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
JodieOdie: Will have to look into it! You know pissed off is my default state of mind don’t you?
Witchypoo: Oh I hear ya, trolls don’t get the time of day, unless it is just too juicy for me to not ridicule them. I did warn you and Candy that I was going to get you in those PM’s, and I think my job is done. Smootches to you both.
Moo: Every day is a pissed off day in my head. I am the Empress.
Alison: Feel free to blast me on your blog, I love it. And I will get you. Look at it this way it will send traffic to your blog and mine *snigger* AND linky lovin! All in good fun.
Ange: So is that a ‘I want to be on it’ or ‘I don’t want to’ spell it out to me woman!
Huckdoll: Seeing it was a private blog until mid August I think you may have me confused with someone else. Dooce perhaps? Bwaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaaaa!
MaternalMirth: Second only to the f bomb on this blog.
Magpie: *snigger* get too close and I will…
Sandy: I KNOW! What makes people think I have enough for them? I make enough for us, that is it. Shit, I ain’t no caterer. And why did you think it was you? What have you done to make you feel so guilty???? Hmmmm…
Gina: I am making him a big puss filled donkey balls arsehat while we speak…
MadMad: Sing it sista. If the house is immaculate *snort* NO ONE COMES! If I am braless and stepping over a mountain of toys, the hordes descend…
Ree: Or run away and have Margaritas with me…
April 19th, 2008 at 12:01 am
Asshattyness…… NOICE!
4fthawaiian been teaching you a thing or two, has he? LOL!
April 19th, 2008 at 1:27 am
I D-O N-O-T C-A-R-E
I mean, sice I just checked, and there I am… it is an H-O-N-O-R to be on your blogroll!
April 25th, 2008 at 2:06 am
I can’t find your blogroll, maybe I’m stupid or something - no, there’s no maybe - I AM stupid but I still can’t find it. I’m running ad block though so it’s probably disappeared…
Someone else has already said “yikes” or near enough so I have nothing further to add! BTW,
Cheers
BC
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