Hello Kitty. Well, Hello Kitty!!
I am not sure how it happened. What I was doing or where I was supposed to be. I think I was Stumbling or just mindlessly surfing or feeling masochistic and looking for a Hello Kitty icepick to repeatedly stab myself in the eye with but I came across this:
And thought. What the fuck? That is IN-freaking-SANE! So I googled.
Yes, people I googled.
As Ree, my lickable Hotfessional says, Oh Mah Holy Hell.
At first it was funny. At first I was laughing. And then during the wee hours of the morning, while Boo was careening around the room flappin’ and dancin’ and getting his groove on, I started to get scared.
Don’t fear weapons of mass destruction, brain eating zombies, finding Osama down the back of your couch chowing down on the stray M&M’s and belly button lint…
Fear the Kitty. She is on a course of world domination.
When I was a kid I was given a Hello Kitty stationery set. And miniature tea set. I loved them with all my heart and never took them out of their packaging, lest I waste them. They took pride of place on my dressing table, next to my hairbrush microphone and my tiara (yes, I was a princess even then. Princesses are born, not made) eventually gifted down to my daughters. Who destroyed them within minutes.
Kids these days, no freaking respect.
But never in my wildest dreams would I expect the innocent little Kitty to get so, well fucking weird.
And there are grown women obsessed with the Kitty. Dressing as the Kitty. Living and breathing the Kitty.
Menstruating with the Kitty.
Forget the purdy hairdryers, ribbons, toothbrushes and Goddess only knows what else…
They are shitting in the Kitty,
and making their men folk piss on the Kitty, and that is all kinds of kinky.
And speaking of kinky…
they are getting their freak on with the Kitty.
But in a safe and responsible way of course .
And after they have worked out with the Kitty,
mowed the lawns,
and checked out if their breath is socially acceptable as well as their psyche, they go out to snare a husband to finance their tiny deity addiction.
With their mesmerizing eyes.
That match the wedding dress.
Of course Hubby is not left out.
And then after jetting off on a honeymoon at the Sanrio Store,
they come home to play WoW with all their friends.
While getting stoned.
and eating pizza,
ensuring that their banana doesn’t catch a cold …
nor themselves,
lest they need to barf.
Which I just may after this:
and this:
and then I just stopped looking cause it was dawn, Boo was passed out on the floor and I had a hankering for some salad.
and noodles,
And that is just all kinds of wrong.
I feel ya, puddy, I feel ya…
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49 Responses to “Hello Kitty. Well, Hello Kitty!!”
March 14th, 2008 at 11:59 am
WTF alright. I also had a Hello Kitty Stationery set, pencil case and all sorts of other goodies. Was Granny May’s around when you were younger - they used to sell all sorts of Hello Kitty things. But nothing like any of this. That is just sick, sick, sick. But funny. It all takes obsession to a whole new level.
March 14th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Holy merchandising batman! That IS freaking scary.
(Gemisht - I remember Granny Mays!)
March 14th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
I saw some of those some time ago. The dental work one freaks me out the most. Who would go there?
I was a whore for Hello Kitty back in the day, I spent every tiny spare buck I had (which was pretty much nothing) on microscopic colored pencils and HK papers.
March 14th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Gemisht: Oh yeah!! OMG I pink puffy hearted that place. I had other HK things but they were the things that I remember most.
Meg: My God there was more! So many bizzaro things… so scary.
Sonia: *snort* yeah me too. I remember those tiny tiny pencils that you couldn’t use!
March 14th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
I don’t remember HK back in the day. Those Japanese do some freak arse shit. Hello Kitty condoms and vibrators is just not right people! o_O
March 14th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
WTF!!! That is just wrong on so many levels that it defies explanation!
Thank you for alerting us to this insidious world wide domination plot.
You deserve a public service award.
perhaps an anti Kitty kitty? lol
March 14th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
The only “Hello Kitty” item we have is a Macca’s toy.
That IS really scary.
Will I offend half your readers if I say “only in America?”
March 14th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
ROFL Holy Crap that made me laugh!!!!!
The pizza looked like some regurgitated kitty to me!!!
I want one of those urinal signs though….she asks so nicely….. but the dildo….now that is just WRONG on soooo many levels….my daughter has some hello kitty, think I’ll be quietly disposing of it…..
March 14th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
And now you understand why I am so afraid of the woman in my office with all the Hello Kitty merchandise all over her desk.
Lightening, Hello Kitty is a Japanese thing, not American. So it is “Only in Japan”.
March 14th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
um yeah
I did ROFLMAO thou thanks for the smile hun
hehe starts singing ‘people are strange’ LOL
March 14th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Have I just stepped into an alternate universe?
March 14th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
HAAAAAAAAAAAA….that last picture.
OMG.
Still wiping tears from my eyes!!!
March 14th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
I totally want one of those pastel Darth Vader outfits for Hubba-hubba. Then I could be a naughty Princess Leia or something. Errrr, wait, that was her DAD, oh hell, nevermind.
March 14th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Those contacts are freaky! Hello Evil Kitty more like it.
March 14th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
I wonder how long it was before the person who took that photograph of the cat was savaged by the poor creature? Look at it’s eyes. You can see it planning it’s attack as it’s sitting there looking “cute”.
March 14th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
Leigh: Oh My Gawd. ‘freak arsed shit’. I am totally using that. In fact I just did, completely out of context - MPS probably didn’t deserve it as he walked in the door, but shit it was funny.
Bettina: That is what this blog is all about, serving the peeps.
Lightening: No, because it is from Japan.
Kirstie: More like Hello Kitty roadkill.
Riayn: Oh yes, be afraid, very afraid. Tell her that there are handguns and headstones too.
Caroline: Yeah thanks… now I am singing it!
Jen: No, but this is the future! Bwaaaaa haaaa haaaaa!
Ann: That poor widdle pussy. I was going to LOLcat him, but I think his face said it all.
Gina: You dirty little girl (I had the same thought, but I need the Hello Kitty light saber and handcuffs first, and yes they DO EXIST!!!)
Guera: I wondered if I should tell people to click on it… they are INSANE!
Solomon: Methinks it flipped the bird soon after and then vomited a hair ball in their Hello Kitty coffee mug.
March 14th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
‘Hello Kitty’ makes my piss boil - it’s sad and pathetic for anyone over the age of 5 to find this shit remotely cute. end of.
March 14th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Guess what I did today?
Took my brand spankin’ new HELLO KITTY watch to the jewellers and spent more than I paid for it on having some links removed so I can wear it.
I suppose it being a basic black Kitty makes it a little less twee!
( I loves me some Hello Kitty but in a totally ironic fashion, like…)
March 14th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
holy crap!! Some of those are just soooo wrong, I men who the hell want’s to play wow with hello kitty staring at em!?
March 14th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
IN-freaking-SANE - said it all.
March 14th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
I’m with MrsFancypants here. I think Hello Kitty should be toddler stuff.
March 14th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Um.. Well I suppose we are lucky there are not some Hello Kitty things. Can’t imagine tampons for one! That would be wrong! Hello Kitty screwdrivers, um they probably have them! Hello Kitty trains to run on wooden Thomas track…
Perhaps we need some Hello LolKitty… Or just a kthxbai kitty!
March 14th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
just popped in to say happy birthday and I have been thinking of you….
love ur style and humor….
wont mention dd12s obsession now will i… u forgot the toaster btw
Nanc
March 14th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
I’m pretty anti gun but I’m fairly certain that I NEEED that Hello Kitty Rifle!
Everything….um…yeah….pretty disturbing. Toss on up on top disturbing between maxi pads and tooth.
Nightmares will ensue now….
March 14th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
Jesus H. Christ!
I just tripped over your incredibly offensive blog for the very first time and JesusJosephandMary! You’ve made me snort my morning coffee all over my new keyboard again! And a goddam Aussie, to boot! This clueless American needs your help to help me beat back the Brits at britishspeak.blogspot.com Don’t come if you’re sober. But do come. I’m desperate over there!
March 14th, 2008 at 11:58 pm
I just noticed that you have comment moderation turned on, so you probably wouldn’t fit in with us over there anyway. We’re uncensored there. But thanks anyway, ok? Still love your blog.
March 15th, 2008 at 2:13 am
Nice rack with the tat.
March 15th, 2008 at 2:15 am
LOLOL whoever mentioned the tampons, well you can get them here in Australia at some of the Sanrio Stores. I saw them in Bris whilst browsing the HK items with my 6 yr old, none of which we could afford cause even the tiny little eraser was over our budget (cheapest item in the store at $8.95???)
I have also seen pics of some peircings that defy imagination and you can get them done with HK on them too.
However in saying that, you can also get a labia pin with bart simpson on it or homer with can of beer in hand for the end of your penis (and they were the less raunchy ones, and no, I didnt take the 6 yr old to look at those ones, the less she knows about that the better at the moment, these pics i found on the net while browsing other subjects).
Mind you I still like Hello Kitty, Pooh Bear, Tigger and Eeyore and enjoy satisfying my cravings for these items by purchasing as many as the budget allows and plastering my 6 (soon to be 7) year old with them as gifts.
Oh and Granny Mays, oh how I adored that shop. There are still very similar shops, in the same locations that GM’s was in, but with different names on them. Similar sort of merchandise in them too.
Oh and WoW with HK staring at you, lol well I dont play WoW (boring!!!) I play EQ and quite honestly, whilst draining my preys life presence, and casting it with every plague and poison known to man, incinerating and chilling the flesh off its bones, all whilst the spell effects surround me in hazes of red smoke, black skulls, spots of plague, snake fangs etc, I send in my Spectre pet to hack at it with its Scythe, I am too busy making sure that whilst draining my own health to give myself more mental power, I dont manage to Lich (leech??) myself to death, and then I enjoy plundering the loots and body parts off my prey and then ride my lovely green drogmore off through the wilderness to go sell the spoils in the bazaar.
Quite honestly, whilst all that was going on, the grim reaper could be having a party with HK ontop the monitor and I would not notice. Oh yeah, I should mention that I play a necromancer, so not all the game players experiences are like that. Hey maybe Sony or Blizzard can market some sanitary products with DE NECROS or Iksar monks or scary looking pink poodles (inside joke) on them to all the game players. Lol I have read that the serious gamers use those systems like the astronauts so they dont have to leave the computer at all during the bonus experience weekends and festivals (the christmas one runs for nearly three weeks!!).
Cute and convenience in one item, just tell me there is nothing in your homes that cant be classified as that. Are you sure there isnt somewhere a pink ipod or laptop (or mac booky thing) just cause you thought it was cute?? Or maybe a talking yoda or yowie or gremlin that you just had to get for your sons??
Ooh and Furbies, lol furbies started crazes that recently caused the arrival of the Mio Pup into my daughters arms at christmas (not from me), she is cute, she has a pink collar, she sings, she barks, she wines, she needs feeding, tickling, patting, gets excited and starts walking across the room, has to be settled down to go to sleep. AND she needs this every single day or she gets sick. Oh and she needs four aa batteries and if they go flat she gets stuck on a really annoying woofing noise that goes on for hours to tell you she needs her battery changed.
Oh and seeing the gross things in Hello Kitty hasnt changed my mind, I really want that pink Hello Kitty Toaster, cause I hate toast and I hate toasters, so if I have to put up with having one of them live on my kitchen bench, then damn it, its gonna have to be hellishly cute to stop me sending it to the StVinnies bins.
However I do draw the line on dressing up my animals, the closest they have come to that is one dog has a shrek collar, cause his other one broke and they were only $2 after the shrek 3 movie craze had finished. However, he will get a more manly collar once I can afford a nice leather one with no pretty sparkly bits on it.
Bahaha enough for now, time to go to bed and pretend to sleep again.
March 15th, 2008 at 2:18 am
Ooh and I forgot to mention kero kero kero pi, I think that he was much much cuter than any other animated frog (with exception of Kermit).
March 15th, 2008 at 3:10 am
THis is awesome. You’ve outdone yourself this time. I had no idea the Hello Kitty rabbit hole went so deep. I’ve gotta go now and have some hello kitty toast with cat litter on it…
March 15th, 2008 at 4:05 am
whimper…I’m scared…some of this stuff borders crazy…whimper…
March 15th, 2008 at 5:31 am
The girl in my school with the mooncup is also HK mad. She clearly doesn’t know about the HK sanitary range… is it really wrong of me to wish she did?
March 15th, 2008 at 6:27 am
Marketing … a sick and twisted business, eh?
“Hello Ass-Shats”
March 15th, 2008 at 7:16 am
that cat in the last picture, is it yours? please say no I can say the following guilt free.
With its pose and all that pink shit on it, I’d like nothing better than to take a running kick at it’s head, drop kick style.
(I love animals, honestly. Just can’t stand wankers with animals)
(and no wanker jokes please)
March 15th, 2008 at 9:59 am
That is just WRONG
March 15th, 2008 at 10:42 am
My friend has a hello kitty iron….it is cute. If I owned an iron I think I would want a hello kitty one.
If I want stuff ironed, I take it to the dry cleaners…..Is that lazy????
ANother things going around Japan at the moment is oshirikajurimushi…..which means the bum biting bug…and it is famous. There are snacks, toys, diapers…..I am off to see if there is a gun!
March 15th, 2008 at 10:45 am
no guns by the looks of things, but there was some crazy pictures if you google it….
http://thumbnail.image.rakuten.co.jp/@0_mall/world-chara/cabinet/mori2/img55288733.jpg
March 15th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Oh Mah Holy Hell is so right. I thought you were kidding with the period pads and the toilets. The contacts and the wedding dress.
But then I thought. sure, why not a Hello Kitty bong. It would be better than the old red one the Practice Husband had.
March 15th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Holy batsmokes! WTF!!!!! only just begins to cover it
March 15th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
That.is.so.wrong!
March 15th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
Mrs Fancypants: I can always count on you to come up with weird comments! ‘Piss boil’ bwaaaa haaaa haaaaaaa
Jodi: So how do you love it in an ironic fashion? And is it true irony or Alanis Morrisette irony where it is in fact just an unfortunate situation?
Marilyn: who the hell wants to play WoW???
Casdock: Yep.
River: Toddlers with AK-47’s?
Fiona: Methinks Hello Kitty dim sims would be good…
Nanc: Nah, didn’t forget the toaster or the Tv or DVD, MP3 player, bedding yada yada cause you can get them in TARGET! OMG, I told ya, she is taking over the world…
Alison: There are handguns too, just the right size to fit in your Hello Kitty purse.
Relax Max: Woah, don’t want me cause I moderate first comments eh? I won’t take that lying down on my Hello Kitty blanket… I am coming over and I am going to be offensive. Happy now?
Iceel: Yah think? It is not a tat BTW, it is a scar inducing cutting. Oh so very wrong.
Erin!: LMAO, she is back!
VE: I thought of you after I posted it. I thought, this is so up VE’s alley. You believe me right?
Jen: Borders crazy? Outlines it with permanent marker and then dusts it with fairy dust and rhinestones!
Kath: I KNEW IT! Those Moon Cup girls would love one that shoots sparkles and in the shape of Hello Kitty!
Nancy: Ass- Shats???
Xbox4NappyRash: Nah, not my cat. I don’t like cats anyway, so feel free. Just make sure that you have the number for a good repair business for your monitor…. And no wanker jokes of course
Angel: Oh there was worse… so much worse!!! That was only a taste.
Lulu: Shit. Too saw that bum biting bug and went all gooey. Now she wants one!
Ree: I wish I was joking. My photoshop skillz are non existent so everything you see is freaking REAL!!
Kelly: Holy batsmokes? Yeah, they had them too…
Jayne: Yup.
March 15th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
that is scary and so freaky - especially the bedroom ‘toys’also the most hilarious post I have seen today but what no ninja kitty ?
Kelley you are a legend
Poor poor puss …who did that !
My Little Drummer boys
March 15th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Well Kelley for once I am speechless…
luckily I have an award for you, So that I actually have something to say …
hehehehehehe
cheers kim xx
March 15th, 2008 at 11:04 pm
Not quite what I meant-but you knew that…..
March 16th, 2008 at 6:10 am
would you fuckin’ believe it?! My favourite gadgety website are in on this hellish “Hello Shitty” nightmare
just look here…
http://www.shinyshiny.tv/hello_kitty/
*sighs*
March 16th, 2008 at 9:51 am
Trish: oooh Ninja kitty! *eyes the bunny wondering if she can Ninjafy her..*
Kim: speechless? awesome!!
River: *snigger*
Mrsfancypants: Dang! Wish I saw that website when I was doing my indepth journalistic investigation.
March 16th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
*shudder* Hello Kitty is just creepy.
March 17th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
I was bored…..look….Ninja Hello Kitty… I prefer the last one myself
http://www.ecrater.com/product.php?pid=1295591
http://cgi.ebay.com/Sanrio-Hello-Kitty-Ninja-Figure-in-Noddle-Bowl-Toy_W0QQitemZ120180727180QQcmdZViewItem
http://undead-art.deviantart.com/art/Hello-Kitty-Zombie-Ninja-Ooak-58625226
March 19th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
GoaldeeBug: I hear ya!
Kirstie: SQUEEEE!!! NINJAS!!!!!!!!!! That last one is really really creepy though.
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