All hail the Golden Child.
My brother is home.
Fate had it that he was in Melbourne this week for work, so he came home. When my mothers parents (Nanna and Grandpa) passed away he was in Iraq.
Yes, my brother is in the Navy. And that has catapulted him to God like status in the eyes of The Mother Of the Year.
The Mother Of the Year that has starred in such tales as:
‘Fuck Kelley hurry up and get home I am waiting for you’ when she called me as I was getting hit by a car. *
‘Oh. I can’t go through that again’ when I told her I was pregnant with Too.
‘Pissing in a tampon’ the whole no-there-are-not-3-holes-down-there-Kelley-you-idiot story.
‘Giving me her old bomb car for my 25th birthday and then selling it to a friend a few months later and pocketing the cash’ entrepreneurial venture.
And numerous other tales of mothering excellence.
Whenever the Golden Child graces us with his presence all stops are pulled out. His favourite foods, doting and serving. And the expectation that I will do the same.
Yeah right. Fuck that.
I love my brother, but fuck, he is the most annoying person I have ever ever known.
He is always right. He is perfect. He is a God in his own eyes. Oh and the eyes of my mother.
My father just hugs me tighter. I am Daddy’s girl. Take that Golden Fucker.
Tonight he decided we were going to have Indian. MY Indian. My fucking hot Indian waiter food. What I wanted to have on Wednesday night for my birthday.
I explained to him and MOTY that I cannot possibly afford to have it two nights in one week. Seeing I need to pay for five people.
This was shrugged off as they readied themselves to come to MY home, so I could go out and get THEIR dinner (takeaway) and probably fucking pay for it too.
Oh and clean up and entertain and scratch out their fucking eyeballs them.
Asshats.
Luckily I remembered just in time that the Indian restaurant is closed on Sundays.
Bwaaaaaaa haaaaaaa haaaaaaa
And my Daddy doesn’t like Indian food. And isn’t supposed to be all about my Daddy right now?
So does anyone else have a relative that has been exulted to Demi-God status for no other fucking reason than someone thinks it should be so? A sibling that is the favourite even though YOU are the one that is always there for them - the sibling just flitting in and out as their selfish needs desire? Someone who falls over themselves over the presence of someone else not deserving of such adoration?
Or am I the only biatch that feels this way?
* if you read this link, it happened just after I broke my big toe. Yes, I know, I have a breaking-toe-karma thing going on…
********************
There is going to be no funeral for my grandma. Apparently she didn’t want one. We are having an afternoon tea after she is cremated. That fucking sucks. But I have no say. My Daddy seems to be coping OK. Doing lots of pottering and looking a little lost.
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40 Responses to “All hail the Golden Child.”
March 9th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
I am going looking for frogs…
March 9th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
no your not a biatch. I always had it rubbed in my face how I wasn’t good enough…………. doesn’t happen anymore now that one sibling is a druggo, one’s an alco and one is….. I dunno what she is, but she had first baby at 16 & her b/f is a crim.
Glad your daddy seems ok.
March 9th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Lol. The boys in my family are special, something about carrying on the family name and all that…
I’ll tell you a story. My first Aunt was born: Heaps of flowers sent from Holland. My second Aunt was born: One bunch of flowers sent from Holland. My mother was born: No flowers sent from Holland. My Uncle was born:
A full aeroplane of flowers sent from Holland!!!
Unfortunately, he fathered 3 daughters, but my 2nd Aunt came through and gave us the only boy in my generation. He is definitely the Golden Boy.
But you see, we six girl-cousins all think he is golden too. He is a demi-god and we adore him. Like our Opa, our little patriarch is wonderfully arrogant but it would be beneath him to ever behave selfishly toward his family. We’re his responsibility.
March 9th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
I too can relate… I have a ‘golden child’ of a brother who lives on the other side if the world (lucky for me!). He decided to grace the family with his presence at Xmas time (family paid for his airfare over here - cause he is too stingy to pay his own way).
He graced me with his presence for a whole hour in the month he was here (he was staying 20 minutes from my place). DH and I even stayed in the country this Xmas cause he was coming to Aust… what a waste of time that was… :-/
Biatch away Kelley!!
Good to hear your Daddy is doing ok…
March 9th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
Don’t start me on my brothers. And how my Mum defends them all the time, cause they can do no wrong. And how both of them couldn’t be bothered to ring my son for his birthday, but all hell will break loose if I don’t ring my niece for hers.
And when I sent a subtle SMS to Mum to say that they hadn’t rung I got told one was away and the other one had his daughter for the weekend and she was sick, so he couldn’t ring.
But the lady that the kids and I get our shoe fixes from sent him a text message.
Fucking Golden Children everywhere. Close relatives of the Teacher’s Pet - should be in a cage at the back of the classroom.
Hope your Dad’s OK and bugger about no funeral, but she must have had her reasons for it. More Hugs for you and everyone.
March 9th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
Hell ya…!
I’m the youngest, my eldest brother is about 18-19 years older. He is a cock.
His litany of offenses are too long to go into but my personal favourite is where he pretended to have been diagnosed with MS (which had already claimed the life of 1 family member and has it’s clutches around the life of another)in order to weasel money out of my father. He got the money and a miraculous cure.
The sun STILL shines out of his wife leaving, children abandoning hole.
Go figure.
March 9th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Frogpondsrock: OK….
Bettina: sounds like you are the black sheep then? Bwaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaaa
Cerebralmum: Awwww a little benevolent dictator then? Boo is the final boy to pass on MPS’s family name. And I don’t think he will be fathering any kids!
Tara: My brother just doesn’t think. Or remember. Birthdays, Fathers Day, Mothers Day…. and the fucking sun STILL shines out his arse. So he is not ‘nasty’ just an arrogant single man.
Gemisht: Wow. You win. LOL. It is more my mother than my brother. But he does bask in the glow of his own anal lumination.
Xbox4NappyRash: Yes, my friend, you brother is indeed a cock. Hopefully it will drop off after a rather nasty case of crab infested, pus weeping super staph.
March 9th, 2008 at 11:08 pm
I don’t but hubby does…we refer to his younger brother as the prodigal son, his wife as bucky beaver, daughter as the wonder child, and their son as bubble boy such is the favourtism shown…no other child in the family existed once his first child was born {thus the wonder child}…when the boy was born, noone was allowed near him for fear of germs {thus bubble boy}
i’m hearing you so loudly on this kelley it’s like you’re next to me….
I agree it’s mostly the mother, but make no mistake, those who are golden children KNOW they are and take advantage of it in every way possible…and it shits me to fucking tears!
March 10th, 2008 at 12:28 am
I’m an only child (thank fuck for that!) but DH has that prob… the oldest of his younger brother is a total arsehole, owes everyone and their auntie a shit load of cash, thinks of no one but himself, but because he got a degree (a half-assed one at that fyi!) his parents seem to think the light shines out of his butt.
Oh, did I mention this was the dude who said that J and I weren’t fit to be parents, should “get rid of it and give it up for adoption”… to my face, while I was pregnant and spewing my guts up! can’t fucking stand the bastard!
March 10th, 2008 at 12:32 am
Oooh yes, I can relate. My husband has four children, two with his first wife, two with me. But in truth he only has one. The Eldest Boy with Wife No. 1. The One. I swear if we suddenly find out we’re living in The Matrix, it will be the One that finally cracks the code. Although he doesn’t work with computers.
Ho, no, The One is a fucking Neurosurgeon. Tough act to follow. My two pale in comparison, even though they’re the ones who live with him day in, day out, picking up his socks, fetching him shit out of the cupboard.
The One can’t even remember to call him on his birthday. But He’s sooooo “busy”. All’s forgiven.
March 10th, 2008 at 2:29 am
I can relate!
Glad the Indian place was closed. Hope all he had to eat was dried toast
March 10th, 2008 at 4:25 am
Urgh. I’m sorry to hear about your brother and all. That really sucks. Just what you need right now, huh?
When my uncle died, he also didn’t want a funeral. We ended up having a booze-fueled memorial for him at his local hang-out with all of his friends. It was a little different than an afternoon tea, but it was a very “him” way to celebrate his life. Maybe the tea will turn out to be okay?
March 10th, 2008 at 6:19 am
My grandmother liked my uncle better than my mother.
My mother always seems to like our brother better.
It’s the boys. Why are the boys always golden?
March 10th, 2008 at 7:05 am
Geeze, my family sounds totally different. I’m one of three, and there’s no discernable favouroritism going on. Attention shifts from one to another as need/circumstances arise, but that’s ok.
I will say, however, that my brother’s son (the FIRST GRANDCHILD) is slightly a cut above the rest in my mother’s eyes. (Was it wrong of me to feel just a tiny bit gleeful when he bombed at his VCE?? I want my kids to outdo Golden Grandchild at something. They’re coming up to VCE age. Outdo him…. Just once…)
March 10th, 2008 at 7:30 am
I don’t think either of my brothers are Golden Children (thankfully) but I am definitely a Daddy’s Girl and the one who can do no right in my Mother’s eyes.
It’s a shame there’s no funeral, but maybe that was your Grandma’s way of trying to protect you all from your grief, just like how she waited till she was alone to go. Sounds like she wouldn’t like the thought of you all being upset, even though that’s the normal reaction. You can still remember her and celebrate through a morning tea. Just because there’s no formal speeches/eulogies doesn’t mean you can’t talk about her and remember the great things about her. More hugs and good luck with your brother. xxx
March 10th, 2008 at 8:14 am
Ooooo babe, if you’re a biatch, then I am one of monumental proportions. I didn’t have the ‘god like brother’ mine was the sister. This shit of a creature apparently farts rose petals, and we should all marvel at her brilliance. When I graduated, my mother (and she must have choked on the words) says “well done, Anja” and then finishes the sentence in her usual style with “I had doubts that you would make it; we never thought you would amount to much” Gee, thanks mum; wanna choke on a turd and do us all a favour.
When ‘god like bitch’ graduated (a few weeks later) my mother cried, swooned, and bragged to all and sundry about her awesomely brilliant daughter.
But the upside is… I am daddy’s princess too. And my daddy is all that matters.
Babe, it’s a bugger about the funeral, but it’s what your Grandma wanted. Just a suggestion; how about you write a beautiful eulogy for her and share it with everyone. I know you will do justice to the wonderful woman she was.
Gentle hugs to you.
March 10th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Luckily, in my family *I* am the golden child, but that’s because Im such a sweetheart and my sister is a selfish, self absorbed twat with nothing better to do than sit around on her 53ft cruiser, sipping champagne, when not travelling the world shopping (AND she has a closet full of ridiculously expensive flat shoes.) Its sad, it really is.
There was, however, a 15 year period when my asshat EX was my parents’ golden child. He could do no wrong….. they had a rude awakening when he left me for my best friend, leaving me with three small kids to look after.
March 10th, 2008 at 10:32 am
anonymum: LMAO at the ‘bubble boy’ my cousin has one of those! But she thinks that I baby Boo… I swear she tastes this kids food for him checking for fucking poison or something.
Marilyn: Why is it that the self absorbed ones get all the attention?
Candy: Shit. THAT has to bite. I guess I play favourites with my kids, but it is on an hourly basis. Dependent on who has pissed me off the least in that time period. Neurosurgeon huh? Ooooh, ahhhh, bug fucking deal!
Jenty: No, MOTY made him some gourmet meal or something. While he lounged, I expect.
Stimey: Yeah, the afternoon tea should be lovely. Just feels, I dunno, ‘off’? that no one will be there for the cremation.
Magpie: I honestly have no idea! It is not as if they need fucking boys to run the farm or something…
Frogdancer: LMAO. I was the first in my mothers family to actually finish high school. I did very well in my VCE thankyouverymuch, and then landed a very good job a year later. My cousin was the one that was expected to do well, and everyone would fawn over her (one of 14 grandkids so you can imagine the competition) ignoring my achievements. She failed dismally. She now works at a cosmetics counter. BUT STILL is the ’sucessful’ one! WTF? So I understand that nasty feeling of W00T!
Guera: Thanks babe. Just taking a little time for me to process that there is no formal funeral. Looks like nothing until after Easter… feels weird. Like ‘yeah, oh well, that was sad, lets get on with it’.
Anja: ‘choke on a turd’ bwwwwww haaaaa haaaaaaa! Yes, you are an evil biatch, but man can you turn a phrase!
Goaldeebug: FLAT shoes??? All that cash and FLAT shoes??? Someone slap that woman! And I bow to your golden childness. Any tips on how to become the golden child?
March 10th, 2008 at 11:43 am
Now I KNOW we’re related. We have the same exact brother.
March 10th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
I have a selfish inconsiderate sibling - does that count? Don’t think any one of us is the Golden child really …
Suspect that a certain little grand-daughter will be though
Glad your Daddy is “okay”
xx
A
March 10th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
I KNOW! Tell me about it!
If I had her money I would be straight to Jimmy Choo for the highest bastards I could find!
Funny visual though. Picture her at 5′1″ in flats, walking beside me, 5′11″ plus the 4″ heels.
Some people just don’t deserve money. ;P
March 10th, 2008 at 8:13 pm
yup….. My cousin was the first girl, she is also a girly girl, into things such as dressing well, using fake tanm and sewing… if she can’t make it, the function date must be moved, if I have to work then, can’t I swap shifts with someone?(forget that I swapped for the expected date off)
shame there is going to be no one to see your grandma off, thats going to be really hard even with a morning tea
March 10th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
oh yes, and aren’t I just the best black sheep ever. I finished year 12, didn’t start popping out kids till I was nearly 21, will have been married 10 years this year to a nice guy who doesn’t abuse drugs/alcohol/people, don’t do drugs/alcohol myself, volunteer in the community, go to church and don’t have a criminal record as long as my arm……….. I sound like a nightmare don’t I?
You know I had the stupid dipshits convinced at one stage that I was adopted cos of the above reasons? lmao
March 10th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Hmm, Who is the favourite in our family??? Depends on what day it is, lol.
((Hugs)) You have been in my thoughts and prayers.
March 10th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
I was very briefly a golden child when I produced the first first-born girl in 75 years Didn’t last even though subsequent first-borns were all boys.
March 10th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
The Spouse has an aunt who is The Golden Child and who’s
evil devils spawnchildren are just as golden and used to be shoved in our faces by thetwisted,evil,nasty,vindictive, so-not-on-our-xmas-card-list we wouldn’t-dump-our-urine-collection-on-her-if-she-were-on-firegrandmother.
March 10th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Ree: LOL, I know! It is truly scary that the world allows two of us isn’t it?
Angel: methinks the miniAngel will be a golden child. Don’t let her abuse her power!
Goaldeebug: Sing it sista!! There should be taste laws before ferals are allowed money.
Beebeejaybee: That has got to suck having a cousin like that. As for the morning tea in lieu of a funeral, yeah well…
Bettina: Most fabulous black sheep I have ever seen!
Widdle Shamrock: Thanks babe <3
river: Bugger. I had the first and only born male to carry on MPS’s family name, unfortunately AFTER MIL from hell died.
Jayne: Bwaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaaa!!! Bitter?? LOL
March 10th, 2008 at 11:05 pm
Oh, how I wish I had time to read all of the comments (I’ll do that after work…)
But, looks like several of us are really feelin’ your pain…
Biatch? Hardly. The stories I could tell as I commiserate… if it weren’t for the potential of said golden child finding this, oh, how I could rant.
Suffice it to say, you are not alone!!!
Yeah, no funeral really sux, but just remember, it’s how she wanted it. Maybe you could have your own private ‘good-bye’. Glad your Dad is doing ok.
Thinking of you…
j
March 11th, 2008 at 2:04 am
I am so sorry there won’t be a funeral for your Gran. I know she didn’t want folks to fuss, but sometimes the old folks forget that funerals are for the living, not the dead. Its how you say goodbye. It’s how you put period at the end of the sentence and start a new one. It’s harder to deal with the story without that period - there will always be an error in punctuation right there. Find a way to make your own period. Find a way to say goodbye. Keep your story well punctuated.
March 11th, 2008 at 2:59 am
I can’t relate. I am the favorite in my family. And in my wife’s family as well, I think
March 11th, 2008 at 3:17 am
I don’t have a “I love them but I hate ‘em too” person, but I know one of those the world revolves around me” people…the perfect (hubby’s) cousin that called and left a voicemail at my work when Bubba was 18 months old and said “I am done with him. Noone likes him. He can’t sit still when I make lunch, etc.” She decided she could no longer be his daycare provider. And she decided that leaving me a voicemail was the best way to tell me. Also the same one who told me I should trust in Jesus and Bubba would be fine. AOK. I’d love to send her that lightswitch post you did. But in the family’s eyes, she is perfect, the queen of all that is pure and holy. We didn’t play the game (we just walked away and didn’t acknowledge the drama), but somehow we are still black sheeps. *shrug*
March 11th, 2008 at 3:18 am
No funeral might suck…but I just went to my girlfriend’s nephew’s funeral and it was TOUGH. He was only 4, autistic, and ran away from their site while on the farm and ended up drowning in the creek. It was very, very sad. Seeing such a small casket was heart breaking.
March 11th, 2008 at 5:02 am
Yeh, it could have been like that for me too. My brother was always the popular one with everyone else, the golden boy and sickeningly he actually is a bit of a golden boy. My parents never made the distinction though and neither did he so I guess that kind of saved my bacon.
Thinking of you. Life must be pretty tough right now.
Cheers
BC
March 11th, 2008 at 6:54 am
I avoid my family…where ALL children are to be seen and not heard….I love my husbands family with all my heart, but the boys DEFINATELY have the rest of us beat…It gos…my husband..(golden child)-but the boys are different depending on which sister it is.. the other kids, my kids, and then somewhere down the line me…(and whatever other wives married in….)
March 11th, 2008 at 9:18 am
My sister is a drug addict and until the day he died, my father had her on that pedastool. OMG Kelley, just don’t get me started.
I worked all my life to do the right thing and she never did but she was a god in his eyes. I hated that. Every. Single. Day.
March 11th, 2008 at 10:16 am
It’s a shame you wont get a funeral for your Gran, but it’s great that her wishes are being upheld.
I think it’s fabulous that at least one person (YOU) is looking out for your dad.
By the sound of it the DragonBitchFromHell, aka my mother, got around a bit in her younger days because she sure as hell sounds like your mother (and some of the other posters’ too)
I actually really like dragons so I must change that name for her one of these days.
Hang in there, you know you’re fabulous chickie, even if some family members have their heads too far up their proverbials to see it.
March 11th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
but we wuvs you Kelley.
Hope you get enough money to buy shoes to cheer you up!
March 11th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Yep, my sister is a moron… and would never byuy anything like this:
http://www.saksfifthavenue.com/main/ProductDetail.jsp?FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=282574492709625&PRODUCT%3C%3Eprd_id=845524446180328&R=468694581951&P_name=Dolce+%26+Gabbana&sid=1189A0B13EB8&ASSORTMENT%3C%3East_id=1408474399545537&bmUID=1205202301754
YEAH BABY!
March 11th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Jodie: Smootches babe. Perhaps we could gather up all the Golden Children and sell em off. I hear gold is going for a good price these days…
Iceel: That was so beautiful. Made me cry. Words like that don’t deserve to be on a blog like this. Thankyou so much. I <3 you.
Mr Fabulous: I am not surprised.
Ange: That truly sucks. Wanna send me her email addy and I will sign it from ‘baaaaaaa’
VE: Oh. I am so sorry. I have been to and known too many of those funerals. I am thinking of his poor parents.
BC: I’m fine. Not in the chick ‘fine’ way but in the I am OK as long as nothing else happens ‘fine’ LOL.
Robyn: It would have been like that with my MIL. She hated me with a passion of a thousand suns. But I am lucky cause she is no longer around. That sucks for you though.
Tiff: Oh babe. That makes my little rant pale into insignificance. Sending you huge hugs.
AnkeB: Thanks for the giggle AND the lovely words. Smootches
Bettina: But I can’t wear them! Waaaaa!!! I know I will eventually but I want to whinge about it.
GoaldeeBug: *swoon*
August 27th, 2008 at 4:38 am
My brother is a fucking douche but my mom thinks the fucking sun shines out of his toxic smelling ass… my dad however, seems to have noticed a little smell… so take that Christopher AssMonkey!!
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