Randomness on drugs
Sucky day.
Major suckage.
Red Light district suckage I’m telling ya.
I woulda made a freaking fortune.
Blowing up the blog, Boo insisting on me singing every. freaking. word in a particular key. B flat seems to be a favourite. MPS home dying from a fucking cold.
And I kicked the tyre of the car trying to get the shopping out while wrangling Boo from streaking down the street. Not on purpose. I am not that twisted, and if I was I would hope I would be wearing some leather type corset thingy and kick arse heels. Without the broken freaking toe.
Yeah, major suckage.
So I am in a mood. A foul, bowels of hell mood. Fueled by pissedoffedness and painkillers.
Which means I am going to start ranting and hating on people.
And using colourful language. So sensitive types what the fuck are you doing reading this blog go click on pictures of puppies or flowers or Hello Kitty or something……..
What is it with people and the personal space thing?
Why, oh why, is it people with arse breath or body odor that should be fucking bottled as a weapon of mass destruction, or snot hanging from their nose doing that whistling jiggling thing outta their nose, always the ones that practically climb into the clothes of strangers?
Today at the supermarket I am chucking shit on the belt thingy, hoping like fuck that I get out of there before another person steps on my toe or Boo turns the wailing up a notch. I feel a brush on my arm. This woman is standing so close to me I can feel her arm hairs brushing mine.
And count her fucking fillings.
I move slightly. So does she. I can smell her breath. Arse and cigarettes.
I move again. I am wedged between the shopping trolley and the soon to be conjoined twin. No matter how I move she moves closer.
And her groceries are touching my groceries. Fuck I hate that.
And then there is that fuckwit next door. A grown man riding a fucking kids motorcycle up and down his backyard.
You can just imagine how much of a cockhead he is. Knees up around his neck revving up a childrens toy.
‘Weeeeeeee!!!!!’ How manly.
Then he goes inside for a cordial and a nap with his Jimmy Barnes blanky.
And then there are the weather people.
‘Hot enough for ya?’
Fuck off. Sweaty breasticles, frizzy hair and melting makeup is not my idea of fun. Your manical smile, trying to strike up a fucking conversation with me, or should I say the perspiration trickling down my boobs, is not endearing to me. And stop standing so fucking close! It is hot, idiot, I don’t need your Lynx permeating my skin too.
Or the asshats that bring up that old line ‘Well the rain will be good for the farmers’
Do I look like a fucking farmer? We are in the middle of town, a town that has FLOODED like 4 times in the last couple of years. No we do not need the rain around here.
And whingers. Fuck me dead, I hate whingers. Whining all the time about poor me or how this is wrong or they broke their fucking toe or how people piss them off. Get over yourselves you self absorbed……….
Um. Yeah……
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31 Responses to “Randomness on drugs”
March 6th, 2008 at 9:42 pm
hehehehehe *snort* Umm, OOps You forgot to mention The Piss-Heads.. who come over here and leave nonsensical, unintelligible (but well spelled) messages.. bloody weirdos….
*tries not to look furtive* (or weird) ((or drunk))
*drat*
March 6th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Ohhhhhhhh, I SO feel your pain!
I have major problems with the personal space thing as well.
If I havent been quick enough to bring my trolley in behind me, instantly giving me that much needed breathing space, my trick is to turn my back on them then lean over to the end of my groceries on the belt and rearrange something, giving them a good ole’ sideways thump with my hip. They then get the look of death and a carefully placed elbow in the arm as I straighten up.
Not my fault occifer! She was in my personal space!
March 6th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Have I mentioned that I love your blog, by the way?
March 6th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
So this would be a really good day to swing by with chocolates and cocktails, wouldn’t it?
Of course, by the time the damn plane got all the way to Australia I’d have consumed them all, but the thought would be there. Slightly fatter and more intoxicated than when it left, but there all the same.
March 6th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
I just read this to my husband and had him in tears of laughter… it hadn’t occurred to me how much you and he are alike, you use ALL the same words! His comment “OMG, I had no idea a chick could be so cool!”
He has a new favourite phrase, it has been around for a couple of months now, I thought you might like the opportunity to use it, should the occasion arise.
“fuckwitted half-arsery”
It comes in handy when on the phone with Telstra, Optus and Centrelink.
March 6th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
Oh Kelley, Kelley, Kelley,
Deep breaths. You have had a bad day.
Dave (husband) says have you heard of the word F*cktards? (Sorry, I just can’t type it) He says that’s what the people at the checkout are known as.
PS I hate it when groceries touch.
PPS I think it’s about time Dave got himself a blog and commented himself, don’t you?
March 6th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
Kim: and came back and changed the spelling of weird from wierd????? LMAO, I saw that!!! Bwaaa haaaa haaaaa! Cheers!
GoaldeeBug: Oooh thanks for the hints!
and thanks for loving me. I love me some lovin’
and Bwaaaa haaaaa haaaa. Your husband has problems with sweaty breasticles that stinky men leer at? How does he deal with that. Oh and thanks for the reminder. Have to go to Centrelink tomorrow to give them a form that they already have from the Tax Dept…. grrrrrr. Fuckwitted half-arseries!
Robin: Oh, how I wish you would. I would love to sit with you out on the deck and sip cocktails and bitch about everyone….. even people we don’t know. Good times, good times…
March 6th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
Tiff: Deep slurps of wine more like it. Unfortunately I can’t drive or drink or operate blogs on this pain med. Hmmm, need to getz myself a list of expletives cause I think I used my quota of fuck and fucking today. Fucktards should fit the bill. Along with Fuckwitted half-arsery.
Dave doesn’t need a blog to comment. Just an email addy.
Hmmmmmm, noticing husbands giving wives swear words to pass on….. something to ponder.
March 6th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Oooh ! I’m SO with you on the arse breath. Add to that the breath of chain smokers who stand outside Coles puffing away their last ciggie, then come straight in and buy a new pack. The smell from the previous 10,000 smokes is coming off their clothes and from their lungs. There’s one old man who has both of those plus he’s long term unwashed, thank goodness he doesn’t come in too often. Does your supermarket have “dividers” to put between your groceries and the next person’s?
I hope by the time you read this boo has calmed down a bit and the pain killers have kicked in for your toe.
I can’t offer you any new swear words, I think you’ll get plenty from others though.
March 7th, 2008 at 1:22 am
Annie has a friend who she’s known for years - from when they worked at the Library together. Her name is Sandy. I love Sandy. She’s a beer swilling, football lovin’, big breasted woman (my favorite kind) who just happens to hate to have her personal space violated by strangers. She, however, has an answer. She knows how to fart on demand.
March 7th, 2008 at 1:57 am
Bless your heart. There’s nothing more annoying than having some shitty little injury that smarts like fuck!
I hear you about the personal space invaders, some old bag in the super market the other day just rammed her trolly into me. It seems she couldn’t get her fucking ocd groceries onto the belt fast enough with me there so she just kept ramming it into me. Like I had somewhere to move to until the woman in front of me moved forwards. It wasn’t as if she couldn’t reach the belt but clearly she just HAD to be standing RIGHT beside it… Fucking cow. Thank you for ranting about this kind of thing for me so I don’t have to!
As for sweaty boobs, I hate that too, if it helps to know this, pregnancy bras appear to be designed not to support but to squish your tits against your torso, creating a nice sweaty crevice. Ack.
I hope Boo has cooled it and life is a little more peachy now!
Take care you!
Cheers
BC
March 7th, 2008 at 2:56 am
You may be having a sucky day, but you have brightened mine!!
March 7th, 2008 at 3:15 am
Personal space? Hey, I’ve given you over 8,000 miles of personal space. You can’t get much better than that!
March 7th, 2008 at 4:11 am
ohhh i HATE the personal space thing - it’s always little old men and women too, sods!
and the man-flue stuff… fuck that!Kick him out of bed and get HIM to watch Boo for a day
Hope ya have a decent sleep tonight and wake up feelin a lil less grumpy
March 7th, 2008 at 5:09 am
Wine. Wine is good for combating whingers.
March 7th, 2008 at 6:21 am
I am TOTALLY sympathizing with you! Having strangers breathe on me is one of the things I hate MOST!
I had an entire massage ruined by the fact that my massuse was a mouth-breather. It completely killed my spa buzz.
Keep on keepin’ on lady, the heat has to end one of these days - I’m actually sort of envious… here in Chicago it has not stopped being freaking freezing and snowy for months!
March 7th, 2008 at 6:40 am
snort. hee. snort.
I want to be your conjoined twin.
March 7th, 2008 at 7:45 am
You’re beautiful (sung in B flat whilst imagining strangling the fucktard who sings that song)
Ooooo I hope one of your sensitive readers is MY sensitive reader. Maybe when they’re perusing Hello Kitty, they can find the vibrating section.
And your neighbour with his Jimmy Barnes blankie…
Try singing this (in B flat, of course)
“Well he loves a little woman
but please don’t tell his wife;
If she finds out, she’ll fillet him
with a Wiltshire Staysharp Knife.
Oh, oh, oh he’s a fucking sick man.”
March 7th, 2008 at 9:02 am
Please come to Holland and drink beer with me.
You can insult all the locals and make me so fucking happy.
Love this blog.
March 7th, 2008 at 9:44 am
Tramadol……. that’s all I’ll say.
It’s one of the many fukitol pills I have taken in my life. i.e. take and and you’ll think ‘fukitol.’
March 7th, 2008 at 11:05 am
Hehe hope today’s better for you. What is it with men? They get a sniffly nose and claim they have the “flu”. I said to mine - have you got aches and pains? Feverish? Chills? Headache? Vomitting? - No? But you have the flu.. yeah right. You can see why women bear children…
March 7th, 2008 at 11:33 am
I hate hate hate people who do that. Especially as it’s been so hot lately.
March 7th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Bad days come to us all but it sounds like several of them have landed on you at once. You haven’t unknowingly pissed off a deity or two, have you?
I really hope that today is a great day as you really deserve one after yesterday.
March 7th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
River: Yeah we have the dividers, but they are never there when you really really need em!
Iceel: Oh. MY. GAWD!!! Now THAT is funny.
Babychaos: So glad that I was able to allow you to get that off your sweaty unsupportive bra’d chest!
Casdok: What goes around comes around. You can take that either way
VE: You sayin’ you have arse breath? Thanks for giving me space babe, but shit will you do something about these idiots that come in between?
Marilyn: I am always grumpy. It is just a matter of degrees.
Magpie: More like wHine for the whingers.
Sensitiva: Haven’t seen you around for a while. Oh mouth breathers are the WORST! I had one accost my senses today. Perhaps I should blog her….
Ree: You, I can handle. Then we could wear 4 fabulous shoes!
Anja: Well I certainly hope you didn’t mean that song ‘Your Beautiful” when he goes on about the chick that thinks she is better than everyone else and ’so damn pretentious’. Heck, maybe you are. And the words to the Jimmy song, perfect. I fucking hate Jimmy Barnes.
Xbox4nappyrash: Only if we can change it to wine and I don’t have to wear clogs
WiddleShamrock: LOL!
Meg: Its like how they say if men got their period they would have found a cure for it by now. They haven’t found a cure for the common cold cause men don’t get it, they get I-am-dying-from-the-flu-mother-me.
Missy: You and me babe.
Riayn: Perhaps it was that lightswitch post. Shit, God/Goddess/Alah/budda/what-evz-yo I wasn’t bitching about religion it was the idiot that thought that thing was a good idea! Now go and make up for this crap by a million dollar lotto win and rock hard abs. Ta muchly.
March 7th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
LMAO!!!! “arse breath or body odor that should be fucking bottled as a weapon of mass destruction”..you my friend, are gifted
I nearly peed my pants reading this. Sorry your day was sucky…Don’t you wish you could mace those people who invade your personal space!?
March 7th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Oh gebus *smacks head with hand*
Um… geez I’m a fucktard.
*makes mental note to never go online when pissed off*
I meant you’re beautiful, as in - you rule, you rock, you’re amazing.
And then that gut wrenching song came into my head.
Sheeeeeeeeeit, the fuckup fairy visited my head today.
March 7th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
Shit, you mean you’re not a farmer?
Now here this whole time I thought you were a damn farmer.
I guess we won’t be having any conversations about the rain anytime soon.
March 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
my hubby doesn’t give me swear words to pass on…….. I get all my best ones from you and Anja :p
March 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
And thank fuck you fixed things so I can comment again. I was having withdrawals
March 8th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Send the neighbour to ride his monkey bike through the floods whilst courting your joined-at-the-hip shopping buddy.
Lame but it gets rid of them both.
March 8th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Ah darlin’.
You had me at boob sweat.
RAWR!
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