Out, OUT damn Chocolate.
I have to go all Lady MacBeth on my ever expanding arse.
The chocolate in the fridge is calling me. Serenading me. Tantalizing me with its sweet chocolately goodness. It’s silky rich texture. Delicately caressing the inside of my mouth with it’s sweet velvety smoothness.
Melting slowly on my tongue as I gently suck on the squares.
Shit. Chocolate makes me horny.
What is it about chocolate that makes me swoon?
Why does it go so well with my other addiction, coffee?
Why, oh why, have the healthy eating Gods forsaken me? Why do I have to succumb to the seductiveness of the evil cocoa bean?
And MPS knows the effect the evil bean has on me, so he ensures the fridge is full of it.
Like crack to a crack ho. I am a cocoa ho. I have to have my fix and it is staring at me every time I reach into the fridge for a carrot.
Oh how can I resist you….. especially the jumbo sized dark chocolate Toblerone.
*shudder of pleasure just typing that*
The After Dinner Mints
The Lindt balls in various orgasm inducing flavours
The blocks of dark chocolate, milk chocolate, white chocolate…
THE CLINKERS, OMG the CLINKERS!!!
Shit, even the freaking dark baking chocolate is whispering sweet nothings from the pantry.
Why don’t the carrots whisper to me? The baby spinach, capsicum and sprouts? The fruit is sitting there mute. Not a word of lust from those fuckers.
But the chocolate? It is calling my name. In a dark sweet bald headed six-pack-on-top-of-his-six-pack ebony skinned guy kinda way…… and his voice is silky smooth.
*swoon*
But I have to resist you. Oh lover, I do.
My arse is expanding. And that is not a good thing. My desire for you is causing me to see numbers I don’t like on the bathroom scales. I considered throwing the scales in the street and sucumbing to your every present seduction but I must be strong. I need to get rid of you from my life. Even though all you have ever done is exist for my pleasure.
No back chat. You sit there waiting, always waiting, just for me.
No mess. You just wait for me to lick the wrapper clean.
No demands. You just whisper your presence and I am drawn to you. Weak at the knees, wanting you. Needing you.
You never disappoint. You are perfect. Always.
Sigh. But I need to sever all ties.
I need to escape from the grasp you have over me.
I need to cleanse myself. Scrub myself clean.
Shit. First I have to get rid of the chocolate scented body wash……
Out, damn’d chocolate! out, I say!
Now excuse me I have a hot date with a packet of Clinkers I am going to eat a carrot….
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25 Responses to “Out, OUT damn Chocolate.”
January 12th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
I just went and had a nectarine in your honour. It’s almost like you ate it yourself right? Right?
January 12th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
I’ll take the choccie off your hands, I’ll make the great sacrifice for you Kelley
Send it to meeeeeee!
Aren’t carrots those orange things roadworkers use for passing traffic?
January 12th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
Excuse me whislt i now go and satisfy my chocolate craving which i didnt have till i read your post!
January 12th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
That is a klinker Kelley - Ok give me the “Lindt balls in various orgasm inducing flavours”
and “THE CLINKERS, OMG the CLINKERS!!! -pink ones I like most”
Cadbury - Rocky Road I could eat the whole block.
Melt the toblerone, mix it with healthy cream and dip the strawberries and other fruit in… we do it is heavenly.
Maybe dip the broccoli in -they chocolate coat everything else why not.I love broccoli btw.
I am off to eat a carrot or two - two donuts and a bacon and cheese roll for dinner at 9pm do not count as eating healthy …
munch munch play boy bunny I am NOT but I do have p*rnstar boobies once a day if I am lucky!
OMG I have some chocolate scented body wash stuff never used it though -maybe tonight
January 12th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
‘Kick it to me, kick it to me!!!’
January 12th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Damn it, Jayne, I was going to volunteer! I’m so generous like that.
January 12th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
Mmmmm, Clinkers = my favourite!
January 13th, 2008 at 2:25 am
I don’t know what the hell a clinker is, but I just had a couple of Reeses peanut butter cups and a sausage sandwich and I’m so full I want to kill myself. Sweet little carrots wouldn’t have done this to me.
January 13th, 2008 at 3:07 am
Lindt would be high on the list. If you need a quick fix I can highly recommend this new lip balm that I bought accidentally from the Body Shop. I thought it said cocoa butter but it really is cocoa [or something] smells like chocolate.
Cheers
January 13th, 2008 at 3:33 am
well really feel like a toblerone now
sent DH a message to not come home without one
and Clinkers OMG love the pink ones
The new site looks great
January 13th, 2008 at 4:47 am
oh damn you
I love truffles. Creamy dark chocolate just solid enough to have substance, but so soft and velvety, enough to bring me so much pleasure. We have no real chocolate in our house because I have a very strong addiction. So strong in fact that I have been known to eat chocolate chips and other baking chocolate. Sometimes Hershey’s syrup. I don’t think that is even chocolate, but it’s brown and sweet like chocolate.
Now I have to go eat chocolate chips. Thanks a lot.
January 13th, 2008 at 6:26 am
LMAO! I’d just finished eating chocolate when I read this. Yum!
January 13th, 2008 at 6:50 am
mmmmmmmmm Lindt balls - my one and only surprise Chrissy present - from the 10y.o. - I am doing something right with that one
January 13th, 2008 at 8:22 am
I’m drinking diet orange juice with my amaretto. That counts for your protein (almond-flavored liquer, duh) and fruit.
January 13th, 2008 at 8:25 am
I am now fanning myself and checking my seat for a wet spot. Damn, that was the best erotica I have read since my childhood days of finding the “maiden hair” bits in “Lady Chatterly’s Lover”
But alas, fair Kelley… it is there and it wants you to succumb to its liquid nectar. What can you do? When your heavy pressure machine is pumping the beans, singing its sweet song of lust - seriously, listen to it when it is doing its thang. It is saying in dulcid tones “You want me, you lust after me, you want me in your mouth” *fans her face again* And then the chocolate wants to give you the ride of your life to take you to a sensual nirvana. Combine the both and you’ve got ten on the richter scale orgasmic experience.
And when they make a man that can do all of that to me, I swear I’ll die a happy girl.
Dearest Kelley… alas, it’s all too beautiful. Submit and enjoy.
January 13th, 2008 at 8:28 am
And can we call them something else? ” Lindt balls ” makes me think of what a guy gets if he wears corduroys during “sweaty bresticle” weather. Gag.
January 13th, 2008 at 8:29 am
Kelley, have you tried the Lindt intense coffee dark chocolate. It is TO DIE FOR. You only need to eat 2 squares to satisfy the craving for both chocolate and coffee for lots less calories.
HTH
Mcihelle
January 13th, 2008 at 9:26 am
I have found the best way to avoid chocolate is just not to let it in the house. If it is not there, you can’t eat it.
BTW, I am now craving clinkers. I haven’t had those in years. I want them NOW.
January 13th, 2008 at 10:14 am
mmmm ferrero rocher Now that chocolate is so light it isn’t really chocolate at all…
and you have to use energy to unwrap it.. So methinks FR is a neutral calorie kind of chocolate…
toblerone mmm It is really hard to break off one of those triangles..that is strong chocolate.. so the energy used to snap a piece of chokky off must balance out the calories consumed… yep toblerone is neutral calorie chocolate too!!!!
So there you go Sweety… there are 2 kinds of chokky you can eat totally guilt free
heheheheheh xxxcheers Kim
January 13th, 2008 at 10:42 am
Veronica: Yes. Right. Now I can eat more chocolate…
Jayne: Um, it’s like this… someone came and ate it all…..
Casdok: Just doing a community service for all those cocoa bean pickers…
Trish: Melt the toblerone, pour it in a glass and drink. No need for cream. But that broccoli idea sounds like a winner!
Boneblower: I am sure you have more than enough at your place. Perhaps we should make our own Death By Chocolate dinner?
Missy: No chocolate for you. You summer lover, you.
Ian: And when I was devouring them last night every second one was GREEN! I loves me some green Clinkers.
Stimey: I don’t like Reeses. We can’t find them readily here in Oz, but I managed to get my hands on some. Too sweet for me. Clinkers, OMG, they are awesome.
Maddy: But then I would be forced to eat my own lips off. Not a good look.
Ange: Bwaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaaa! Chocolate addicts UNITE!
Jenty: Yeah and so did I. And afterwards. The scale is in the street.
Angel: Very perceptive boy that one. Will make a wonderful pussy whipped husband one day
Hotfessional: But where is the chocolate???????
Anja: *gaffaw* that was brilliant.
Ange: he he he. Sweaty test-iclaayyy. A la Little Britain.
Michelle: Oh. My. God! I know!!!!! Get thee to Safeway immediately!
Riayn: Save the green one for me.
Kim: I love you. Of course. More effort to get the seductive gooey goodness inside negates the calories.
January 13th, 2008 at 11:21 am
The cooking chocolate isn´t safe in our house either. I´m not sure I´ll ever be able to give up that lover.
January 13th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
[…] He couldn’t believe the size of the large coffee. They don’t have that size in Sydney and he couldn’t believe it. So now I’m wondering if other states are the same? We all know that Kelley has a huge addiction to coffee and the other partner in crime for her - Chocolate which she has blogged about today you can read it here: Out, OUT damn Chocolate. […]
January 13th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Dammit!! I submitted a reply to this TWICE last night and it didn’t come through. Sigh.
Chocolate………… sigh….. Oh I’m with Kim, she has mentioned my two favs and I am so with her on the calculations for calorie negativity!!
January 13th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
OMG Clinkers are TO DIE FOR! Mmmm… eating a carrot is okay … as long as it is dipped in chocolate first!
January 14th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
i eat dark chocolate pretty much every damned day. i do love it so.
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