No you CAN NOT have an Easter freaking Egg.
Fuck me dead.
(he he he, that’ll go down well with my new p0rn status, hey Mountainmama? 
)
The tiny terrorist was with me shopping today.
And they were putting out the Easter Eggs. On a stinking hot January day.
Easter-fucking-EGGS!
The kid was begging for one. Well, 1. you can’t eat dairy and those sad-excuse-for-chocolate eggs only have one ingredient derived from nature and that is dried cow lactation and B. Christmas was like a freaking week ago!
On New Years Eve, when I was stocking up on my shit-load-of-junk-cause-I-am-alone-on-my-anniversary-AND-New-Years and wine I saw these:
Hot Cross Buns.
And the florist is flogging Valentines Day shit.
FMD.
This is insane.
Who in their right mind would buy Easter Eggs at this time of year? When the bastards would melt to a gooey mess before you even reached the car, let alone the river of freaking chocolate it would turn into before the car air conditioner kicks in.
And where would you keep them for Three. Freaking. Months. Dickhead?
And the true insanity? The thing that actually makes me want to scream because of the madness of it all?
The Christmas decorations are still up in the streets.
So while you are munching down on your overpriced, fake chocolate, you can look at all the purdy lights and Santa’s.
As I said before.
Fuck me dead. The world is going to hell in an Easter basket. Might go to the shops and see if I can find me a Halloween costume for the ride.
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26 Responses to “No you CAN NOT have an Easter freaking Egg.”
January 5th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
A crazy world we live in!
January 5th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
I agree … I hate it too.
I saw your post on Snoskred … didn’t recognise you sans that potty mouth.
I bought half price chocolate Santa stockings mmmmm - who needs easter eggs (yet).
January 5th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
I’m with Trish, I spent money on the chocolates left over from Xmas.
Easter eggs wouldn’t last 3 days in my house, let alone 3mths!
January 5th, 2008 at 11:54 pm
I’m so glad I have found your blog. It’s good for a daily belly laugh!
January 6th, 2008 at 12:44 am
Well, if I bought Easter Eggs, they’d be more likely to freeze than melt. But really — that’s way, way too early.
January 6th, 2008 at 1:51 am
Stupid consumerism. I was aghast (aghast, I tell you!) when I saw the grocery store dude putting out the heart-shaped chocolate. If I saw a Cadbury egg, I probably would have filed a formal damn complaint.
January 6th, 2008 at 2:32 am
Easter eggs now??? That is crazy! I noticed Valentine’s stuff out but Easter eggs??? OY.
Love your new header by the way. Wish we could share a cup-o-Joe in person!
January 6th, 2008 at 2:46 am
I live near Chicago. What I wouldn’t give to be able to complain about the heat in January.
Of course, here, the friggin’ eggs are frozen and you can’t eat ‘em anyway.
The Valentines candies are out. And the cards. And the flippin’ flowers, which I have no idea where they came from. Everything is RED!!!! Christ - next thing you know, they’ll dye the snow.
Hello Kelley, how’r ya’ doin’?
January 6th, 2008 at 3:48 am
I absolutely hate retail because of this. I was sick of Christmas by Halloween because the Christams stuff had already been out for a few weeks. It’s awful.
January 6th, 2008 at 3:59 am
Ugh. I can’t stand to see seasonal stuff in stores two or more months early. So manipulative and crass.
January 6th, 2008 at 4:09 am
We have the same problem here in the US two weeks before Halloween when the Christmas stuff starts coming out. Pisses me off because, HELLO?! STOP MANIPULATING MY DAMN CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!
And I just have to say that it amazes me every time you talk about the heat in January. I am easily amused!
January 6th, 2008 at 4:40 am
They put it out now so that we will eat the crap and then need more when Easter is actually near.
That’s why they put Halloween shit out in August.
It also explains, at least in part, my fat ass.
I love those little Cadbury creme fuckers.
January 6th, 2008 at 5:08 am
Your last paragraph sums it up completely.
January 6th, 2008 at 7:40 am
yep, saw those tasty little morsels yesterday.
What can I say? You said it all really.
My armchair is groaning at the thought of more chocolate after Christmas.
January 6th, 2008 at 8:31 am
They’d freeze well enough in my garage, but yea. We were at the market on Friday night and they had all of the Valentine candy out.
I still haven’t written “08″ on a check yet.
January 6th, 2008 at 8:57 am
ROFLMAO that is a darn funny and bluntly true post. Let’s get over one celebration before gearing up for the next.
Retsilers must love this time of year with Christmas closely followed by Back to School sales. With the nearby promise of Valentines Day and Easter.
January 6th, 2008 at 8:59 am
same thing…hot cross buns and fucking easter eggs up here too..and it’s the tropics in summer..by the time they leave the air con and you get them home they’ll be liquid..
thank heavens i don’t have to take kids shopping..
*shudder*
January 6th, 2008 at 9:52 am
Oy.
(Incidentally, my son and I are dairy free, too. Not by my choice, heh.)
January 6th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Grab those shoes nice and tight Kelley.. You have been Tagged.. *insert Wicked Giggle*
cheers Kim
January 6th, 2008 at 11:04 am
It’s a ploy to keep us all fat!! (Speaking of myself.) Kind of follows on from your sexy being an attitude post too don’t ya think!?!
If they keep putting us in this position, we feel bad, we promise ourselves we’re going to lose weight (or get fit), they bring the stuff out to prevent that, we join a gym or some sort of other CRAZY thing, then we get depressed………….oh shit - they’re all in it together!! What hope have we got
You keep posting girl and hopefully we’ll slowly turn this thing around so the consumer is in control!
January 6th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
I’m nearly shitted enough to start firing off cranky arse emails to all the big C producers as well as their supermarket pimp pushers.
January 6th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
I am sick of the crass commercialism that surrounds all our holidays these days. There was a time when I enjoyed Christmas and Easter, but the retail giants have made sure that by the time the holidays roll around, I am thoroughly sick of them.
January 6th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
Apparently we’re all without calendars and retailers are there to ed-ja-ma-cate us as to when the holidays begin and end…at the check out when we hand over our hard earned dosh.
January 6th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
I haven’t seen any yet. But the question is - why???? Shops wouldn’t do it if people didn’t buy it!!!! What are we doing peoples?????
January 7th, 2008 at 8:10 am
Four days before Christmas I came across a full flat of Easter candy at Walmart. I’m sure they’re still laughing at the security video because I stopped short, started again, and stopped again with my jaw hanging open. Four bloody days. I was there again last week and there are aisles of Valentine’s crap. We got our XMAS stuff away today. At this rate, we’ll be pulling that crap back out tomorrow.
January 7th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Same here in Blighty! Mr BC and I saw a whole load of Easter Eggs in Waitrose only yesterday, our reaction - much like yours - holy fucking fuck!
Cheers
BC
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