You have been waiting.
I know you have been waiting for the update on last night.
I see it in my stats. Peeps popping in to see if there is an update.
Well guess what!?
Nothing happened.
The freaks didn’t show up.
Sure, they were around, hiding in their bushes and peeking out their windows, but apparently unless you are in your garden working up a sweat lady like glow, they are not interested in coming out.
Or maybe they were scared. Scared I might confront them.
I contemplated wearing gardening gloves and my garden clogs. Even bringing out the awesomely noisy hedge trimmer to try and flush out rev head man. But thought better of it.
Do I really want to speak to these people? I think not. I am not fluent in bogan nor do I know what to say to someone who’s sole purpose in life is to watch others.
Oh, there were some interesting things that happened. 3 doors down lives a chick from my work. Her son befriended Boo. I coulda diagnosed that kid in 3 seconds of meeting him, so I guess he met a kindred spirit.
Apparently there has been much discussion about how often I leave the house. I considered telling them that I was a crack delivery ho and was just waiting for the giant syringe and pipe to attach to the top of my car. Just like Dominios. But mine is Crack-n-ho’s.
But I didn’t.
I contemplated telling them that my girls are escorts and I was just the taxi.
But I didn’t.
I did ask why on earth anyone would be noticing how often I left the house.
Apparently the freakshows across the road have been keeping tabs. I was unaware that I left the house, on average, 7 times a day.
Well fuck me dead, looks like my carbon footprint aint gunna be reduced by just buying the family smaller shoes…….
There was discussion on why we have a bigger bin than everyone else.
I contemplated telling them I was sleeping with the mayor. Or was supplying him with Bindeez Beads. Or because that is where we hide the bodies.
But I told the truth. It is because Boo is still in nappies.
‘Oh,’ they said ‘OK’, read that-kid-is-worse-than-we-thought.
They all feigned ignorance when I apologised for the screaming in the middle of the night. Apparently no one hears Boo’s blood curding screams. Or his salsa music, Bohemian Rhapsody or Hi-5 all played at 3am while he is painting his walls in shit and toothpaste.
But they notice when I leave the house, they know I like to turn the music up (no where near the levels of Boo in full flight) when I am ALONE , how the fuck do they know when I am alone? Oh that is right they are fucking monitoring my every move…. and that we keep ‘late hours’.
But no-one notices when Boo screams.
Honestly, they all seemed pretty nice. But I don’t know why they are keeping tabs on me.
They should be keeping tabs on the young couple that moved in recently. She is no more than 19, Moo knows her from school, and how the hell did they afford to buy that house?
Methinks SHE is the one supplying the mayor with Bindeez Beads.
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19 Responses to “You have been waiting.”
December 8th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
Ooo I don’t think I like the thought of anyone [let alone a neighbour] keeping tabs on my movements!
Maybe you had a lucky escape since they didn’t turn up.
Cheers
December 8th, 2007 at 2:38 pm
OMFG These people seriously need TO GET A FARKING LIFE…
Wow!! your bin is bigger than theirs.. *snort*
Kelley you have rendered me speechless and thats not an easy thing to do..
hehehehe ‘bin-envy’ *snort*
cheers Kim
December 8th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Big Brother (or should it be Big Bogan) is watching you!!
Man, that is seriously wierd. I did use to know when my old neighbour used to leave but that was because of her freaking noisy car right near my bedroom. But never counted.
Maybe you should freak them all out & start going out more - maybe top more than 10. That will give them something else to think about & talk about over the fences.
December 8th, 2007 at 5:10 pm
That is a little creepy you know. Maybe you should give them something to watch and stain a sheet with red food colouring, dig big holes in the lawn and cook roast pork so the smell wafts across to them.
Okay, now where is my kisses and bandaids?
PS next time make sure you don’t press enter anywhere inside the bits or otherwise the linky wont work.
December 8th, 2007 at 5:43 pm
heheheheh Veronica you are evil ..lol
So kelley how about you do the ninja thingy and did holes in their lawn muawhahahaha
cheers kim (oh and I am not pissed I am bee-stung)
December 8th, 2007 at 5:52 pm
Maddy: It is slightly creepy. But I have since found out that I am not at all losing my mind to Alzheimer’s…. other people have had lacy knickers missing from the line…..
FMD? Does it eva end?????
Kim: the council gave us this iddy biddy bins that would take like, 3 bags of rubbish. So Boo’s nappies and that is it! So we complained and got a bin double the size. Gotta pull the Autism card sometimes….
Kelli: *snigger* perhaps I should just do blockies? LMAO and then they would get RSI or whatever the freak it is called now….
LMAO at Big Bogan!
Veronica: or leave big empty containers marked ‘Hydrochloric acid’ out for recycling? Replied to you re the kisses and bandaids and my stupidity.
Kim: Or the Manson thing and creep through their houses????
December 8th, 2007 at 6:34 pm
My old neighbour never told me the average number of times I left the house in a day, although I’m sure she could have if I had asked.
December 8th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
Move to a farm babe!!!! Then you can do whatever you like.
Well, I was actually going to say perhaps it’s the fabulous shoes they can’t keep their eyes off…but the knickers thing has kind of got me worried.
December 8th, 2007 at 7:30 pm
Your neighbours count how often you live the house?? Do these people not have a life?
December 8th, 2007 at 8:09 pm
Move over Ramsey Street and Mrs Mangel. Your neighbourhood is WAY nosier.
mmmm…Bindeez
December 8th, 2007 at 8:45 pm
WOW… they are all weird, makes you want to stay indoors or always be out so they can’t tell.
maybe they are missing big brother too much..
December 8th, 2007 at 8:51 pm
You need to get some of those round cards the girls hold up at boxing matches and hold them up out of sequence! That’ll fuck up their counting system and they’ll have something else to talk about!! Probably the fact that you don’t seem to be able to count properly or that you’re not well educated. Would they come and see if you’re alright if you didn’t go out at all one day?!? Have you considered telling the police…….
December 8th, 2007 at 9:16 pm
your neighbours are seriously strange
December 8th, 2007 at 9:31 pm
Bettina: So should I see it as neighbourhood watch?
Lightening: You saw my reaction to that baby blue tongue, can you imagine me with a snake? Nah, will stay in town thankyou-very-much. I can see farms if I stand on my roof I think!
Riayn: Apparently not. We are their life.
Tiffany: LOL at the Bindeez. Hmmm, that is a thought. Could make a motza selling this story to Channel ten….
Lisa: Well I certainly hope they haven’t been watching me in the shower!!!! *shudder*
Rose: a rose by any other name would be BONEBLOWER!!! I see you….
Calling the police? You know that is waaaaaaaay too confrontational for me!
Beebeejaybee: Yup. Sing it sista.
December 8th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
Funny stuff here Kelley. Thanks for stopping by and of course, Cheers!!
December 9th, 2007 at 4:03 am
Creepy. What is even creepier than the fact that they know you leave the house seven times a day is that they told you that they know that. I have some neighbors that I feel do a fair amount of “watching,” but they are at least discreet about it.
December 9th, 2007 at 7:35 am
Two houses ago I had a neighbour who watched our comings and goings like that. “Dandelion Woman”, as she was always outside weeding her lawn and could not handle the amount of weeds in our yard.
Last house we had “Stare Bear” - ethnic man who watched our every movement. We were on a battle-axe block so he couldn’t see us unless we were checking the mail or in the car. He would stop whatever he was doing and watch us though. Creepy! DS6 used to cause him great stress - rolling a tyre down the driveway so it hit his garage or car - oops! - until one day it wasn’t there to get back. Suspect he hid it in his garage. So DS just rolled balls from then on - they disappeared too but I’m sure StareBear had a stroke everytime he heard the bounce. he he he
And … DH just pulls out the stealth-ninja-moves here to get rid of the nappies - sneaks out on garbage night and fills-up everyone else’s bins.
:oP
A
December 9th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
WTF?!?! I thought my neighbors were NUTS! Clearly you’ve cornered the market on that one!!
How many times you leave the house/!!?!? WTF?!?! CREEEEEEEPY! And seriously, how DO they know when you’re alone?
Yet, it made me laugh…..maybe it’s me who is creepy.
December 11th, 2007 at 5:04 pm
That would totally creep me out, them knowing what I did all day!
Who am I kidding, I AM that neighbor!
(I’m kidding, really!)
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