Could we have a minutes silence please…….
For the bathroom Christmas tree.
*sob*
The inmates have revolted. And pissed me off royally.
They are all like ‘Ew I don’t want it scratching me’ and ‘I am sitting on it’ and shit. Well I suppose the shit is a fair point, but the smell would be masked by the pine freshness.
And people pay good money to have a pine fresh arse. And then there are those bidet things. Same thing really, give you a good cleaning but with the added bonus of a Christmas scent.
I don’t see what the freaking problem is.
Sure it is close, but for fucks sake, wouldn’t it be nice to be hugging a tree while you defecate? I’m sure Al I-invented-the-internet Gore does, and he got a prize or some such out of it.
They all loved it when I made this:
Mr Hanky the Christmas Poo. I wore it on my head for a staff Christmas Hat party at Mario-porn-star’s old station.
Well now they can make their own and hang it on the tree! Ungrateful bastards.
Sure, some could say ‘Well Kelley, you could have gone out and bought the tree and then it wouldn’t have been too big for the space’ and I would say ‘Fuck off. The bastard spends 18 hours a freaking DAY sitting on that crapper, he should KNOW how big the space is!’
So now, as I lament the demise of my bathroom tree and the promise of a pine scented v-jay-jay, I am plotting to hit the stores tomorrow to buy a not-as-fabulous-unscented fake tree.
Cause I am going to have a freaking bathroom tree God-damn-it!
As God as my witness, I will never go bathroom treeless again!
cut to theme from Gone With The Wind….. *snigger* wind, get it? Get it? Oh, bugger off…..
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27 Responses to “Could we have a minutes silence please…….”
December 2nd, 2007 at 8:51 pm
You bought a tree for the bathroom? Okay…
I agree, the fresh piney scent would definately be welcome. It’s a very pretty tree though, What are you going to do with it now?
December 2nd, 2007 at 9:17 pm
LOL! All your talk of real trees led me to say today “You know what I’ve never had in my whole entire life”? I guess I paused too long, as I got some rather mean suggestions back (eg a rational thought…) No - a real live Christmas tree! It was duly offered… It is rather close, but agree MPS should know the size of the space.
December 2nd, 2007 at 9:40 pm
Kelley, Kelley, Kelley,….
you haven’t commented on the previous post… dedodedodeedoo etc….
I am not getting any soberer here woman…..
and can you pleeeease tell veronica to stop stalking me…MUAUAUAWAWAWAAHHHHAHAHAHA
December 2nd, 2007 at 11:28 pm
I want you to come put a tree in MY bathroom. I am all inspired now.
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:24 am
ROFLMAO at your Mr Hanky hat!
Oh yes The Bathroom Tree (note capital letters)… is it too much too ask them to just “hold on” for 25 days???!!!
December 3rd, 2007 at 2:46 am
LOL Nice.
You’re hilarious.
December 3rd, 2007 at 2:56 am
Those are both hilarious pics.. A bathroom tree, too damn funny!!
December 3rd, 2007 at 3:13 am
I think I may have to come steal Mr. Hanky. He’s awesome!
December 3rd, 2007 at 3:32 am
I’m laughing! Someone needs to say something like, “A tree for every bathroom and a bathroom for every tree!” or something. I dunno. Keep us posted on the bathroom and the tree. It’s lovely. In fact, they are both lovely.
December 3rd, 2007 at 3:55 am
I couldn’t use the bathroom at your house.
It would take me back to the time I had to pee in the woods and a friendly little scorpion decided to make my acquaintance.
I would probably have a flashback when one of the branches lovingly scratched my heinie and then I would beat your tree into a pine smelling pulp.
December 3rd, 2007 at 4:58 am
Awesome, you have a Christmas tree in the loo!!! I think you should have a box of decorations and then each time somebody is camped out in there (like the camping/tree pun?) they can add a decoration to the tree. By Christmas time, that thing will be loaded!
December 3rd, 2007 at 9:42 am
Kelley, I have to spot reading these things while i’m at work… way too much coffee on my monitor now…
I’m sure you will find a new home for the tree…
December 3rd, 2007 at 9:58 am
Congratulations - you are the first person I’ve ever known who has a tree in the bathroom. But wait, it’s not decorated?
December 3rd, 2007 at 10:52 am
I love the Mr. Hanky. Maybe you should put the bathroom tree in the bedroom and tell “he who bought the too-big-tree” to find someplace new to sleep.
or -
At least it’s warm there. Tell them to take it outside into the bushes. You deserve your bathroom tree.
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:18 pm
This whole thing is hilarious. I was picturing one of those tiny little ones sitting on the bench or something, and you come out with a freaking pine forest! Love it.
December 3rd, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Oh my God, I have tears running down my cheeks right now from those pictures!! I WISH I had thought of a bathroom tree!!!
I wonder what the husband would do if one just showed up…especially in his bathroom….
December 3rd, 2007 at 2:11 pm
Not only should you insist that the tree stay there, you should keep it there all year round. I think it’s lovely. And really, sort of hilarious.
December 3rd, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Veronica: Haven’t you been reading? I have been raving about it for days!!!! Or was that in my head……
Meg: You left yourself wide open for that! I have learnt in this house to never ever make a statement like that cause my kids and husband are lightning quick. So did you get one? I have travelled the freaking WORLD today looking for a stand for it and no bastard has one. They sell the trees but not the stands….. WTF?
Kim: I was only aware of your drunken rampage on my blog this morning. Bugger. Missed it all. Looking forward to checking out the carnage on your blog tonight (or was it just here?)
Girl: On my way. Get the coffee ready.
Cellobella: Good point. Or they can just use Boo’s nappies. Or go at school *snigger*
Sarcastic Mom: That is some sort of compliment coming from you Lotus!
Secret Agent Mama: What? What’s funny about it? I am serious! What till you see the other 6
Mr Lady: He originally started life as a tail for a dog costume….
Nancy: LOL! You are a funny chick. Will post photos of the tree I bought today……. *snigger* and the others.
Contrary: Now we wouldn’t want that now would we. You can use the ensuite, it’s too tiny for a tree!!! NO FAIR!!
VE: If just Mario-porn-star did it the freaking thing would be full in a couple of days…
Lisa: I will whip you up a splatter guard K?
Katie: I didn’t get a chance to start decorating before the inmates started whining. Took the photo before someone hurt me.
Ree: Oh how I wish I had thought of that before I bought a new one for the bathroom. No prickler than the porn star mo.
Missy: *snort* you should know by now I don’t do things by half.
mcgearstella: Oh buy one! Please! It would be so cool to start a revolution!
Stimey: Alas, it is no longer there. It was lovely wasn’t it *sniff*
December 3rd, 2007 at 4:40 pm
It is a lovely tree.. My blog is as messy as I was heheheheh.
December 3rd, 2007 at 5:49 pm
How about trimming the Christmas tree so that it doesn’t poke anyone up the ass whilst they are on the can?
That way your family can have Christmas tree free asses and you can still keep your bathroom tree.
December 3rd, 2007 at 6:26 pm
I’m thinking about it. Even if just for the bathroom, I’m inspired.
December 3rd, 2007 at 7:01 pm
I love it Kelley! You are the only person I know that goes more left of field when it comes to decorating at Christmas time!! Have you told them about the bow??
December 3rd, 2007 at 8:33 pm
ROFLMAOWSCOMN….
Fuck Kelley, you brought tears to my eyes!
I hadn’t realised till now you use REAL.TREES.IN.EVERY.FLIPPING.ROOM!
I’m (well….was) married to a leb, and there are these things they cook that I call mr hankies….looks just like yours…well except they’re edible!
The tree is hilarious! But you are right…He should have known better!!
K
December 3rd, 2007 at 9:50 pm
I’m still laughing, but strangely wondering whether I can fit a Christmas tree in my toilet. It would be well watered by all the missing my boys do though. Maybe a lemon tree might be better.
Kelli
December 4th, 2007 at 2:21 am
A BATHROOM tree? I doubt you got the idea from Marth Stewart… it is pretty funny, but I do think I’d have to be one of the ones complaining about it. I mean. A Tree. In the Bathroom. What?
December 4th, 2007 at 6:59 am
I LOVE Mr Hankey..Too cute. Tree in the bathroom..I like it..but the placement of it would be really close to being itchy on the booty..I have to agree with them. It needs ornaments…that would be fun..little tampons
and empty toilet paper rolls..FUN!!
December 4th, 2007 at 7:00 am
I LOVE Mr Hankey..Too cute. Tree in the bathroom..I like it..but the placement of it would be really close to being itchy on the booty..I have to agree with them. It needs ornaments…that would be fun..little tampons
and empty toilet paper rolls..FUN!!
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