I hate Summer.
Hate is probably a strong word. How about I fucking despise Summer, more than pregnancy hormone induced hemorrhoid’s and even more than when my coffee machine expired.
I hate the Romans already, ahem, Summer. I hate Summer already. Channeling ‘Life of Brian’ again.
And it is still spring.
Today it was hot. Freaking melt-the-bitumen-under-your-fabulous-shoes stinking hot.
I don’t take the heat well. My body is designed for temperatures under 28C (82F) not this ridiculous 37C (98F) for 2 days straight. AND expecting the same tomorrow.
Let me share some of the things I abhor about Summer.
Flies: The sticky little bastards that get into everything and join their little friends the
Mosquitos, to make my life a living hell both day and night.
Dickheads that say ‘So how’s the heat?’ Moron. What do you think? We are sweating buckets and fighting over the last bag of ice at the supermarket. So I am thinking it is bad. Fuckwit.
Stupid people that say: ‘It’s not so much the heat, but the humidity’ Do you think that makes you sound smart? History tells us that TV weather people are not the brightest characters. Just spewing what they read from the autocue without any comprehension. Hence you are an idiot, making me more superior than you, so piss of and stop talking to me.
All the humongous fat women that feel it necessary to assault my peepers wearing skin tight spaghetti straped moo-moo’s sundresses. Get a freaking clue, just because it comes in extra-whoa-mumma-huge doesn’t mean you should wear it. And for all that is good in the world SHAVE those furry armpits!
Oh and invest in some deodorant. Please. I will spot you the 5 bucks for the extra super strength.
Boob sweat. Oh how I hate boob sweat. The trickling sensation between the breasticles that reminds me of a creeping spider (oh yes, I think EVERYTHING is a spider) that makes me run screaming to the nearest loo to mop up the ‘glow’.
The smell of the school halls when I go to pick up Boo. The smell of the 12-13 year olds that haven’t quite discovered deodorant (Impulse spray is not a deodorant girls!) mixed in with old textbooks and orange peel. Bletch.
The endless night. Oh holy-mother-of-GOD I hate the hot sticky nights. I am a wrap yourself up in a heavy doona girl, not so much when the mercury is sitting in the mid 30’s (celcius, I am too hot and bothered to convert it for you guys) at 1am. And I can’t sleep naked. Not with the nocturnal visitor with the stealth ninja moves, who I am only aware of when I feel the poke on my breast and the exclaimation ‘Why do they bounce Mummy?’
Oh and us insane Australians that swelter in the kitchen on Christmas day cooking a traditional Christmas dinner. Turkey and roast vegies and all the trimmings and then freaking HOT PUDDING! WTF? Are we insane? Or are we just so totally brainwashed by the American way of life that we have to eat a hot meal when we can fry an egg on the road? (yeah, we are, I admit to hot turkey and freaking-pudding) And then poor Grandpa gets suited up in the Santa suit, hands out the presents and spends the rest of the day in hospital with heat stroke.
But there is one thing that I like about Summer. Watermelon and coffee flavoured icecream for dinner. yum.
Oh and shoes. Yeah, pretties. Here are today’s.
The photo doesn’t do them justice, they are such a pretty shade of pink. And I have a handbag that matches perfectly!
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29 Responses to “I hate Summer.”
November 19th, 2007 at 9:15 pm
LOLOL Sorry Hun, no long comments from me today cause by the sounds of it, i think you would possibly smash something if i dared be cheeky today!
All i can say is that cold showers and or baths are very good just before bed in summer, especially with humidity (i hate humidity, really enjoyed visiting Coonabarabran where it is just hot, not sticky + hot).
Oh and I agree with the flies (bastards came out in full force a month ago here) and MOSQUITOS arrgggg, i can NOT SLEEP if there is one buzzing in the room or outside the screen. Mr Moo also cannot sleep with them, so I spend most summer nights mosquito hunting at 3am to kill whichever bastard is divebombing Mr Moo (they are THE ONLY THING on the planet that wakes him up during the night, not even his smoke alarm going off for 20 minutes less than 2 metres from his head woke him up - luckily for him it was just because i was sick and had a hot shower and the steam set it off).
On the bright side, the threat of sending Mr Moo outside for the night to sleep with the mosquito’s is a very useful one that works very effectively. Pity it doesnt bother My Boo!
November 19th, 2007 at 9:17 pm
FFS WORDPRESS JUST KILLED MY 2nd POST & GAVE ME A PAGE THAT SAYS
“YOU ARE POSTING TOO QUICKLY! SLOW DOWN!!!”
November 19th, 2007 at 9:17 pm
Hehe I didnt know it was possible to comment TOO QUICKLY lolol.
November 19th, 2007 at 9:24 pm
Yep the flies. OMG the flies, what can I say. They must be God’s way of testing our patience. Either that or our wrist reflex as we swipe them away. They were REALLY bad at cricket on Saturday.
And I, I must confess, am a pathetic excuse for a shoe wearer ATM. Its all connected to my distinct lack of summer clothes. When the temp reaches 33ish its really not a good look to be wearing black pants, 3/4 sleeve shirt and suede, yes suede, black high heels.
I really like your selection for today, must go shopping sooner rather than later
November 19th, 2007 at 9:30 pm
SHOW US THE HANDBAG!!!! C’mon woman YOU are my only dose of GLAM..*sigh* please?????
Show Me The Accessories!!!!!!!
LOL… cheers Kim..
November 19th, 2007 at 10:13 pm
Of course the nice thing about summer is shoes like those ones…
November 19th, 2007 at 11:16 pm
Mmm priscilla suede high heels sounds nice, now you will have to start a blog just so we can see a pic of them!
November 19th, 2007 at 11:18 pm
Oh and What is Up with the Weather??
You are getting our normal spring temps and we are getting cool weather? Why is it only 27 here when its 36 in Melbourne? Did it snow up here somewhere?
November 19th, 2007 at 11:59 pm
Ummmm….
Ilovesummer!
Bye!
November 20th, 2007 at 12:16 am
I think you have a much stronger aversion to stupid people than heat…lol!
November 20th, 2007 at 2:02 am
Okay. I’ll trade you. I’ll pack up and move down under for your summer, and you can have the fuckin’ michigan winters.
Endless. fucking. gray. winters.
November 20th, 2007 at 2:13 am
I agree with Cellobella - the best thing about summer is those shoes!
But don’t get me started on the heat. We don’t get a lot of 37 degree days here, but from about mid October through til the end of March it’s consistently above 30. I do love my air conditioning - it’s just a pain when I have to go out.
November 20th, 2007 at 4:52 am
Try teaching in an unairconditioned portable after lunch with 28 year 8s. Plastic seats. The aroma of freshly baked undeodorised adolescent.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmm I love summer too.
(ps. I’m the sort of teacher who gives the ‘Deodorant was invented for a damned good reason so why don’t you all invest in some and USE IT’ talk. It’s amazing how teenagers listen to and act on advice when it’s delivered the right way. Me saying that they’d smell better if they took dog poo and smeared it on themselves tends to grab their attention….)
November 20th, 2007 at 6:31 am
I also hate Summer.
Flies are terrible here - don’t know if it’s everywhere this year or Canberra is just full of them. Typical, the stupid wind stops and the flies start .. grrrrrrr
Off to buy 10 y.o. deodorant today - waaaaah my baby is growing up!
November 20th, 2007 at 6:56 am
I love summer - when I am sitting under my evaporative cooling vent & when I can have the window open all night.
This is a horrible hot week.
And I agree with Angel - the flies are really bad this year, worse than normal. And it is horrible sitting at cricket with them flying up your nose & in your mouth. I think aerogard will be doing good business in our house this year.
November 20th, 2007 at 7:04 am
Two words - iced coffee. Heaven in a glass.
November 20th, 2007 at 9:45 am
Ha! Americans don’t eat a hot pudding on Christmas. You must be thinking of the British, who really started all the madness anyway. ;^)
Hot nights = ugh. We had a night in which the power was out for twelve hours overnight and it was 90-something (F) in the house. Not good.
Lovely shoes!!
November 20th, 2007 at 11:53 am
Let me introduce you to an “Aussie” Christmas. Prawns that have only *just* thawed out so they’re still icy cold…slices of cold turkey breast…25 million different salads to use from (and make…arrrhhhh). Choc dipped strawberries cold from the fridge….cold cherries hung over your ears like earings….LOL. Get the picture???? Traditional doesn’t have to be a hot cooked dinner. That’s insanity in my book.
Oh yeah….pink shoes. I want some!!!!!
November 20th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
Ha! You are awesome, I can’t believe I haven’t discovered your blog until now.
I am the same as you - in practically EVERY point. Boob sweat, back sweat, BUTT SWEAT. Yuck. Bring on winter!
November 20th, 2007 at 3:05 pm
I can’t stand being cold, more so than being hot!
However all your other points? (smelly people, flies etc) They make alot of sense.
You know what I truly hate right now? Google. HATE THEM.
PS - I am having cold meat and salad for Xmas. I am not silly.
November 20th, 2007 at 4:19 pm
LOL, I hate Summer for all of you mentioned reasons. The flies! Ugh! Is it just me or are they really, really bad this year?
Our temps have been hot too and the kids full of complaints about it but I laugh and tell them this isn’t hot yet. In the boonies, where the last couple of Christmas days were in the low 40’s, no one can hear you scream.
November 20th, 2007 at 7:37 pm
I am glad I am not the only one that hates summer. I especially hate hot nights. I can deal with the hot days, but the nights drive me insane. If I can’t sleep then I am not pleasant to deal with and in summer I don’t sleep for about 3 months.
Hate, hate, hate summer. I was truly born in the wrong bloody hemisphere.
November 20th, 2007 at 7:54 pm
I like 26 - 30 degree days. Warm enough to swim, but not hot enough to make you sticky sweaty all day long.
Its been 35 + here the past few days and I’m over it already. Sigh. I so hope we don’t get many 45 degree days this summer or I’m going to go live at the mall. Oh wait. thats right. we don’t have one. Sigh
November 20th, 2007 at 8:07 pm
hehehehehe I am giggling maniacally here.. We have had days in a row of HEAT.. SWEATY HORRIBLE HEAT and TODAY I had a FUCKING BUSH FIRE SCARE….For GODS FUCKING SAKE it is November not FUCKING February OOOPS I AM STRESSED TO THE MAX potential bushfires do this to me… *sigh*
(Maybe if I drink enough beer I can pretend summer doesn’t exist???)
November 20th, 2007 at 9:07 pm
We used to have the traditional British Christmas lunch that usually required my aunt to have a melt down because I don’t like ham or turkey - and you have to eat ham and turkey at christmas time. And pork. Don’t like pork either… And bringing my own chicken just wasn’t done because that was insulting her hospitality!
This year, we’re having breakfast instead.
November 21st, 2007 at 7:43 am
[…] by Christine Lavin - and in Summer (this is for you Kelley) Air […]
November 21st, 2007 at 12:05 pm
I’m exactly the opposite. I could write a companion piece: I Hate Winter. At the top of the list would be cramming six tiny little arms into coats every time I leave the house. That said, you make some excellent points.
December 20th, 2007 at 7:27 pm
[…] I hate humid. I hate hot. But you already knew that…. […]
February 11th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
Here’s a tip for more comfortable sleeping. Take a large bath towel, clean of course, fold it and put in the freezer. When going to bed lay the frozen towel over the sheet and lie on it. Mmm, cool. Another tip I’ve used is to put my hot water bottle in the freezer, with water in it of course (expel the air), but not so long that it freezes solid, just for about an hour before bed, then take it to bed with you. My kids loved this and the frozen pillowcases too.
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