Yeah, brilliant…..
Was having a productive day.
Had a plan.
Had a million things to do and the energy and motivation to just do it……
Notice the past tense?
I was replying to an email when my Spidey senses perked up. Boo is up to no good. I look over my shoulder and see the pantry door covered in texta.
He had turned my pantry into a digital clock. Quite creative really, but that is beside the point.
I had Too’s friend standing over me, muttering something, but I was ignoring him cause I am cranky at him for 1. calling here reverse charges from a freaking mobile phone, from ANOTHER STATE three times last week, and 2. inviting Too to the movies and then ringing me last night to tell me that I have to take them and pick them up!
Anyway. I dodged around him, determined to catch Boo in the act so I can scold him. As I went tearing around the corner I got my toe caught up in my yoga pants…..
for those that don’t know what they are…. mine are exactly the same. See the way they flare out at the bottom? Stupid freakin’ things. I’m gunna sue!!!
And now my big toe is blown up like that bloated feral biatches face from the other day, purple and sorta bent to one side….
AND it is the toe I broke during the take-the-bed-apart-with-a-hammer-in-bare-feet fiasco back in ‘98. The same day my washing machine broke down and every door handle in the piece of shit Ford snapped off while heavily pregnant with Boo so I couldn’t have any drrruuuuggggssss!!!!
So here I am, whacked out on anti inflammataries - paracetamol makes me need a nanna nap - on the lounge with a ice-stick thingy that in my giggly semi conscious state looks surprisingly like a dildo, slamming down coffee and lamenting everything I was going to do today is lost.
But the worst thing of all. The one thing that would send me crying in the corner? The fact that I can’t drive our manual car? That the laundry is full of the kids school uniforms that need to be washed, hung out on the line etc etc? That I was going to make my super special spaghetti sauce that takes hours to make? No…..
My toe is so fucking bent and bloated there is not ONE pair of shoes that I can wear. I will have to go barefoot or wear slippers or something…..
Now that is just truly tragic.
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15 Responses to “Yeah, brilliant…..”
October 14th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
oh no!! I usually trip over my bootleg jeans going up stairs, but yes my yoga pants are a pain in the arse if I have to move quickly too.
Hugs hun. Hope your toe feels better soon and that the ice dildo really helps so that you can wear some fab shoes
October 14th, 2007 at 12:50 pm
That’s terrible! I hope it heals really really fast! (cos then you can show me photo’s of all your nice shoes so I can drool).
October 14th, 2007 at 1:10 pm
Ouch! Rest up missy! Gotta get that swelling down. Can’t have you going around barefoot now can we?
How did the rain dancing go before you were taken out by a vicious pair of yoga pants?
October 14th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
I have fond memories of the ice dildo after giving birth to H. Very fond memories…
I imagine they would be good for feet, too.
And ouch about your foot. Can’t say I have ever had that problem because my trousers are generally too short!
October 14th, 2007 at 4:19 pm
Ouch… Feeling for you Kelley. Hopefully this will make you laugh…
One day at work I had on my nice 3 inch heels and long dress pants, the office phone was ringing so I ran up the stairs. My heal got caugh in the hem of my pants and I feel forward hitting the door and splitting my chin. but worse of all, I have 3 truck drivers watching, and for some reason rolling around laughing and not offering assistance at all..
Hope your feeling better soon.
October 14th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
Ouch Woman.You are not supposed to break toes, barefoot is not an option for you.
Slap the friend that is muttering and making reverse charge calls, or if you cant slap him then make him leave the house or have to sit outside.
Hmm texta, i hate texta, i have a nice stash of them now, cause i keep confiscating DD’s and then as she either gains more (stupid father keeps buying her more of them) or “borrows without asking” her brothers, i confiscate those too. I am sick of texta. I was trying to get my car cleaned up to sell it at the end of the last financial year. Only needed a small amount of rust work done on the dogleg ($150 to get it completely done its that small) and get the neighbour to cough up the $500 for the damage he did when he backed into it and then get it detailed to make it look pretty. DD went and drew permanent texta all over the back seats (which are fabric). The F word got said lots and lots and lots when i saw that! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I gave up on trying to sell it, now just waiting for the hail to write it off for me.
October 14th, 2007 at 11:18 pm
I haven’t the faintest idea what texta is (are?), but I’ll send over a virtual shot of kahlua for that coffee of yours. Sounds like you could use it.
October 15th, 2007 at 6:47 am
Oh Kelley! Hope you’re on the mend …. ((((((hugs)))))
I too hate textas but they are not the 6y.o.’s only weapon. He uses everything …. crayon. pencil, pen, spoons, gluesticks, bassinet stands - lol. Pen is the worst - you get the colour off but the divet is still there.
xxx
October 15th, 2007 at 7:32 am
Ouch! No, OUCH! I’m sorry. On a Sunday, too.
The way you write makes me laugh, though. There’s something.
October 15th, 2007 at 8:44 am
Just to irritate you a little more (cos I’m nasty like that) I tagged you for a meme. Not sure if you do them, but I figured I could tag you anyways.
Hope your toe is feeling better today.
October 15th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
ug. so sorry to hear it. (you are very funny though) it kills me the way a theoretically productive day can go out the window like that. get better quick!
October 15th, 2007 at 8:04 pm
Bettina: Ice dildo melted pretty quickly. Moo saw it and raised and eyebrow *snort*
Veronica: Yes I will have to post photos of my shoes so you can all gaze in awe at my fabulousness…
Kin: *gaffaw* at the vicious yoga pants!
Jodi: Now I have the image of the ice dildo and your sore nether regions burned in to my skull. yeah, thanks…..
Lisa: that didn’t make me laugh! Made me cringe…. do you have a scar? OWWWWWW!!!!
Erin!: Bugger about your car! We confiscated them for a while but during his shit and toothpaste stage he wasn’t drawing on walls etc, so I became complacent…. The little turd is just too smart for MY own good!
Robin: OH! Um, texta is permanent marker, coloured and kids draw with them. Clear as mud? Thanks for the Kahlua, sure was tasty!
Angel: LMAO at the bassinet stand! Oh I hear ya. Boo beat up his sister with a teletubby money box the other day…
Slouching Mom: Making you laugh is what I live for! Foot is feeling better now though. Must be all the kind thoughts.
Veronica: Yeah thanks. My desktop is totally cluttered with birthday stuff ATM. I will do it after the madness OK?
Mama without instructions: It is murphy’s law innit? Or perhaps magneto’s law????
October 16th, 2007 at 8:30 am
LOL the complacency i know about, lol thats how rotten wretch cut the end of her plait off recently, because we stopped pocket checking her on the way inside when coming home from Daddy’s house, so we didn’t catch the pair of scissors she brought back with her (cause hers have already been confiscated from the last time she chopped her fringe off, mine have been hidden, DS has to keep retrieving his when she “borrows” them).
October 16th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
Yes I get suckered by that too. TJ always has his pockets full of stuff and I had taken at one stage to frisking him every time he went through the front door or hopped out of the car, its amazing what they managed to sneak through after lulling you into a false sense of security and forgetting a couple of times
October 16th, 2007 at 8:51 pm
A Little but thats ok, I laugh about it now.plus the face putty helps.. he he
You wait until I blog about work today.
stay tunned..
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